Tell us about the love of your life

In My Humble Opinion
1

Better known as the anti-matter universe version of this thread.

I think the thread title is pretty clear. Is there a person you consider the (romantic) love of your life–the one you most wanted to stay with forever, and, if you did not stay with her or him, the standard against which all subsequent relationships were judged? If so, are you still involved with him or her? If not, why not? What was the best thing about him or her?

Oh, and you might want to begin with an age/sex/orientation check.

36/male/mostly heterosexual.

Mine was C. I met her about ten years ago, not long after I broke up with H., my son’s mother, but before my son died. We were both in very weird places in our lives. I was so full of bitterness and rage that calling me a misogynist was an understatement. She was only newly sober after spending not a little time drinking her life away.

I began my relationship with her with no good intentions whatsoever. I was mad at H. and had decided to take my rage at her out on the world. I didn’t have it in me to be physically violent, but I could be emotionally cruel, the way I felt H. had been cruel to me.

Something about C. made me change. For a long time I thought she put up with my crap out of neediness, out of self-contempt, but I was wrong. She was far from a saint, true, but she’d learned things in AA and rehab that made her–I don’t know how to explain it or express it. But she had a capacity for forgiveness and agape that I didn’t believe in before we were together. More than that she believed in me, believed I had talent for writing, believed I had more potential than I thought I did. As much as I hate to quote a movie, she made me want to be a better man. She pushed me to write, to improve my writing, to do more than the stupid confession stories and choosing-the-best-sound-system pieces I had convinced myself were the only thing I could ever publish or even finish. She liked to read in bed with me: not just my stories, but authors I loved.

The relationship ended for a whole heck of a lot of reasons. The same way that I identify myself as a mostly heterosexual male, she identifies herself as a mostly lesbian female. She told me once that I was the only man she’d ever slept with sober, and the only one she enjoyed sleeping with; but in a lot of ways she was denying her truest physicality in being with me. For a long while it seemed to work for her anyway, but eventually my bullshit got to the point where it wasn’t worth it to her to deny what really sparked her passion. So we stopped living together, even though we maintained the fuckbuddy relationship for a long time). We were still friends, though, and in fact we were better friends when we weren’t exclusive lovers. I became a better person when I wasn’t primarily her lover, I should say, because I started caring more about what was best for her–what she needed, what she deserved–than I had when sex was more regular. I’ve had relationships since then, but I can honestly say that I love her now in a deeper way than I did when she lived with me. When she hurts it hurts me; people who cause her woe earn my hatred.

Well, that was incoherent.

Anywhistle, that’s me. Anybody else?

2

I’m lucky enough to be married to the love of my life. We met in the army a long, long time ago, and I got married a month after I became a civilian. I met her about a year after I ended a relationship with the woman I thought was the love of my life, but who actually turned out to be a little psycho, and who managed to make me a little psycho and misogynistic.

It’s interesting to me how differently I loved these two women. The psycho girl and I were madly, rip-our-clothes-off-and-fuck-like-epileptic-bunnies in love. Just an intense attraction to each other that we couldn’t hope to sustain in any sort of lasting relationship, and when we crashed, we crashed hard.

The love I feel for Mrs. Fresh is different. She’s a much more sensible person, and while I’m attracted to her physically, I’m also just attracted to her common sense and intelligence. She’s the one who really brings home the point that behind every successful man lies a good, patient, kind, loving, and caring woman–who isn’t afraid to nag and beat him on the long road to success when needed. Mrs. Fresh is definitely where I belond.

3

Female, 34, straight.

It might very well be the last guy I seriously dated, even though I was never in love with him. Not sure if it’s possible for someone I never loved to be the love of my life, but until him I’d never known that I could enjoy talking with someone just as much as I enjoy fucking him – and that I could enjoy both of those things so much. The relationship was over before anything like love could develop, but I feel like some kind of bar was raised. I just hope that the next guy I find that with doesn’t also share the last one’s spectacular lack of a backbone. :wink:

4

29, female, straight.

My Hubby is the LoML. More importantly, he’s my best friend.

5

36/female
I am with the love of my life right now. If something ever happens to him, I’m afraid I will not get this lucky again.

6

I’m lucky to be married to mine, too. I was living in Canada ten years ago, and I had a classified ad in a Beatles collectors’ publication. She responded to it, to buy some stuff. She was in Mississippi at the time, going to college. Awhile later, she wrote again, and bought some more stuff. You know how after you’ve talked to someone with your same interests, you add some light, personal things? She did. I wrote back and did the same. A little later, she said she was moving back to Florida to go to university for her Master’s degree, and couldn’t afford to buy anything ths time, but would I still write to her? Well, of course I would! And we got to be friends by mail. Between then and the next time I heard from her, my mother passed away, and I was at loose ends. Then I heard from her again, and it started to get like I couldn’t wait to hear from her the next time. She looked up my phone number and called me on my birthday, six months into our relationship-by-mail. After that, the floodgates opened. We were sending each other 30-page letters, telling each other everything about ourselves. We fell in love.

I got on a plane for the first time in my life to come down here and meet her in December 1996. She flew up to visit me in April and August 1997. I went back that December, and before I left, I asked her to marry me. She said yes. I came back at the end of April 1998 to stay, and we were married on May 9th.

I grew up and did my best to overcome a pretty lousy past to be worthy of her continued attention. She’s a very smart and talented and beautiful and funny woman. She is a lot like me in some ways, which naturally appealed to me. She’s grounded and has an excess of common sense. She is the most genuinely nice person I’ve ever known. She isn’t even close to being a drama queen. She is the only person with whom I have never had an argument. She is the one person who makes everything better for me. Being married to her is so easy, I have trouble understanding what so many other people find difficult about relationships. This one fit like a glove from day one.

I realize how lucky I am, and how improbable it is that we should meet and have this happen to us. Fortunately, I am able to recognize a good thing when I see it, and this was the best thing that ever happened to me. We like each other so much, that neither of us is willing to do anything to mess this up. We know that it would be near impossible to replicate what we have with another person, and we’re not likely to live long enough to find someone else like us. Home is the nicest place I go all day, because my wife is there, and I love her like you can’t imagine.

7

It was the summer between my junior and senior years in college. My roommate and I didn’t get along, well, at all. Her boyfriend tried to seduce me and I told her. Somehow, she blamed me. Anyway, she wanted to get rid of me as much as possible on weekends, when her boyfriend would come up. She said that this guy Max, was running a Mage game at the role playing club at the unversity where both she and I went. I was pretty sure that spending my Friday nights with anyone other than the ‘happy’ couple would be an improvement, so I went to it. Max was funny and cute. I started to have a crush on him. I assumed that he was in his early to mid twenties, he assumed I was in my mid twenties. We flirted a bit, but that cooled off when I found out he was 28 and he found out I was 18.

That fall, we were hanging out one day. I had made applesauce cookies the night before, which I was sharing with everyone. I was telling him about how I loved to cook and my parents had this great kitchen and I wanted one just like it when I had my own house. He joked that I was clearly flirting with him, as he loved to cook. The he asked if I was seeing anyone. The instant, and I do mean instant, he said that, the power went out. Across all of campus. He looked up and said “Okay God, I get it. I shouldn’t ask out girls 10 years younger than me, I get it!”

About six months later, he was clearly interested in one of my close friends. One night he asked her out and she turned him down rather rudely. I remember being so upset with her, because she had hurt Max. This made me realize that maybe I had feelings for him, but I was moving from Boston to California in a few months, so I just shelved the feelings.

I was at the apartment that he and few of our friends shared the weekend of my graduate, two weeks before I was leaving for California. I was planning on spending the night on the couch as I had something I had to do very early nearby and I was there anyway. I was lying on the couch, talking to him, and he said it was a damn shame. What, I asked. That your moving to California in two weeks, because I think I’m falling for you are I don’t want to have any regrets. Thus began our two week whirlwind courtship. It was just supposed to be a fling. Then I was standing in front of his apartment at 3 in the morning, my car packed, begging him to come with me. He told me he needed to think about it.

If driving to California from Boston in three days isn’t hellish enough, thinking that you just lost someone that might have been the one made it so much worse. I called him with my new number and left a message. I wasn’t sure he was ever going to call me back. He did and we talked about the trip and the book that I had given him before I left. I thought okay, at least he still wants to be friends. That’s a start. He called me an hour later, saying that he had forgetten to tell me two things. First, that he loved me, and second, that the answer was yes. My knees went out and I fell into the chair behind me. He moved to California two months later.

We’ve been together for over a year. He’s been there for me through one of the worst times of my life: my failed attempt at grad school. He was there for me when I felt lost and confused and helped me have the strength to move on. He didn’t even complain when we packed our lives up for the second time in a year and moved back to Boston.

I love him more than I ever thought was possible. He means more to me than anyone I’ve even known. Sorry this is long winded, but I can’t help but babble when someone askes me about him.

8

I’m also lucky enough to be married to the love of my life. We met and started dating at 17 and got married six years ago Aug. 12 (next Saturday!). Just last night we were having a discussion about a friend of ours who is notoriously picky when it comes to men. I told my husband that if she is looking for the perfect man, she may as well give up. I’ve already got him. :slight_smile:

9

::throwing your silly apology back in your face::

Nothing to say sorry for, dear. You have my official vote for best post in the thread.

10

39, male, straight by preference. Read about her here.

11

In a way, only kind of negative.

My first love was so overwhelming that I couldn’t control it. I saw no flaws in him, nor him in me. It was the most exhilirating ride of my life, and everything was magical and new and wonderful.

I hope I never fall in love like that again. I don’t see that it did me any good. I judge my other relationships by the standard of that one thus: am I reasonable and sane in these other ones? Am I falling like that again?

12

28, male, and married to Faeriebeth.

I am very much aware of how lucky I am to be married to the love of my life. We’ve been together for almost 9 years, married for 6. I have a hard time not thinking it was fate, and I’m likely the least spiritual person you’ll meet.
I was in college in Pennsylvania, and had just gotten a new Internet access for the first time. She had just gotten divorced in Arkansas, and was given a PC by her aunt to jump-start her going back to school. We were online for the first time within weeks of each other. She and I read the same sort of books, and met through an old-school bulletin board. Things just clicked…We met online in September, I flew down to Little Rock on New Year’s Eve, and asked her to marry me 3 days later. We’d not laid eyes on each other before that first meeting, and had only exchanged really fuzzy, out of date pics. 2 1/2 years later, we were married. of course the down side of all this is that she knows I love her for her mind…but she occasionally worries that I don’t love her enough for her body. :slight_smile:

I can’t imagine my life without her. She is so remarkable…beautiful, smart, witty…and most of all, she is crazy enough to be in love with me. Our feelings for each other would likely border on criminal if they weren’t fully reciprocated. I’m not sure they aren’t anyway. She’s my perfect match, and there are times when I truly believe that we can read each other’s minds.

sigh

just 30 minutes to lunch…then i can go home and see my best girl!

13

'85 RZ 350 NCII. Found her sitting in a dealership, new, unwanted. Swept her up and took her home. Months of joy followed. We were happy then, ahhhh… the Salad Days.

Took her to Vegas and had more good times. Then, she was KIDNAPPED! I did my best Clint Eastwood, holstered up an armory and prowled the streets. I spotted her, dispatched her captor and took her back!

She was never the same after that. Sure, she would always be willing to satisfy me, but I guess it was my problem, not hers. I just couldn’t get over the fact she was with another man.

Then, one day, coming home from the auto-parts store, we were struck down. She died that I might live. :frowning:

Now her corpse is hanging from the roof in my garage.

14

You all know her and love her, Maureen. She’s a 1000 times better irl. My best friend. Much like the OP, she changed me from angry and bitter to happy and hopeful for the future.

15

17|male|n/a

Well, without compromising my artistic integrity, I’d have to say that the love of my life is… me.

Boring but true. Not much else to add on the subject.

16

35, male, gay.

I’ve been with mine for eight years, and not a day goes by I don’t marvel at how lucky I am. In a lot of ways, he saved me and made me the person I am – a vast improvement over what I was.

Way back in what seems like another lifetime, I had severe self-esteem issues that I tried to compensate for by sleeping with as many people as humanly possible. Never having finished college, I had given up on figuring out who I was and what I wanted to do, and was content to work dead-end jobs to finance getting drunk and getting laid several times a week. When I met my now-SO, he was just another conquest for the night – or so I thought.

We went out to breakfast the next morning, and he was so interesting and charming I wanted to see more of him. We continued dating, and I knew pretty much right away that this was a keeper. If I could have tailor-made a guy for myself, it would have been him: handsome, a few years older, blindingly intelligent, highly educated, with a successful and prestigious career. He embodied qualities I wanted to emulate, and provided much-needed focus and motivation. He made me want to be worthy of him. This was all unwitting on his part; he never once pushed me, tried to change me, or made me feel inferior. I guess he just saw something in me I didn’t see myself.

A sticking point in the early phases of our relationship was what I considered extreme sociability on his part, and debilitating social phobia on mine. He loved nothing better than to be surrounded by lots of people as much as possible, while I just wanted him to myself. I could only relate to people sexually. In a meat-market environment like a gay bar, I owned the place and I knew it. But in any situation where sex wasn’t on the table, I was lost and felt I had nothing to offer. Over the years, so slowly and gradually we barely noticed, I did almost a complete 180. Thanks in no small part to him, I now have confidence in myself and I’m practically addicted to meeting new people and trying new experiences.

And, better late than never, I’ve decided on a career: I’m in nursing school. It’s such a natural fit for me I’m amazed I didn’t think of it years ago. My SO is supporting me financially during this undertaking; I’d never be able to do it otherwise. It scares me to think about where I might be today if not for that fateful night when I met him.
(Hijack/aside to Beware of Doug: If you don’t mind my asking, what do you mean by “straight by preference”? If you’re exclusively attracted to women, that’s not a “preference.” If you’re also attracted to men but have decided to spend your life with a woman, I personally wouldn’t call that straight; orientation does not necessarily equal activity. Not trying to be contentious, I’m genuinely curious.

17

28/male/Heterosexual

I met Jennifer when I was 24 and she was 15 online…now hold on I swear there wasn’t anything sexual between us at that time. She was interested in me by the details I had on ICQ which boiled down to “If you don’t know what you want to talk about don’t bother contacting me I won’t carry the conversation” For my part I enjoyed talking to her about her daily life and watching her be insane (she was totally nuts back then she’s more stable now though not by much which is good. I enjoy crazy people) while on her part she enjoyed having an older man take her seriously and offer her advice. We had a real big brother/little sister relationship going on. I won’t launch into too much detail but we lost contact for awhile because her life got too busy. Our parting wasn’t very exciting we essentially just said ‘goodbye’ we both were kinda sick of each other at that point.

Strangely I found myself thinking about her much more then I expected and wondered what she was up to. A year later she looked me up again (at this point she was 18 and I was 27) and I was impressed with how she had changed and grown up in just a short year. There became a slight sexual tension between us but a huge blow came to our ‘just friends’ routine when she sent me a picture. She had in the past steadfastly refused any sort of picture exchange for whatever reason and I had it in my head she was a chubby goth girl so I was more then shocked when I got a picture of a sexy young woman. I felt guilty for liking her so much and tried to resist asking her out because she had just gotten out of her first major relationship and I didn’t want to manipulate her.

That needless to say didn’t pan out I couldn’t keep my feelings to myself and found that she returned them in spades. I had many doubts about her age (I still worry that one day she’ll wake up and think ‘I’m not going to waste the best years of my life in an exclusive relationship time to party’) but she proved her loyalty and steadfastness many many times. By the time I went up to visit her in England it was pretty much a given we were going to get married we never formally discussed it nor have I proposed it’s almost like a natural law. We’re meant for each other we’re going to marry even if we never talked about it before hand. I went up there found that if anything I get along with her BETTER in person then I did over the net. We’re strangely compatible on so many ways, sexually, intellectually, and just enjoy being around each other. I stabilize her when she gets wound up and she gets me out of my routines and makes me look at the world through fresh eyes. When I try to tell people what she does for me words fail…I can only sum it up as 'She brings me joy. Before her I could be happy but I was never joyful. If you’ve gone 20 years of your life never experiencing joy then suddenly you find someone that brings that out of you you know you’ve found someone special. Someone you’re meant to be with"

She came down and visited me in Reno and we decided that I would move to England. I have the Fiancé visa all set up and my tickets are for the 18th of this month. We’re getting married on Nov 24th (her 20th birthday) in England if anyone wants to come.

Sorry this is so long but needless to say I’m excited about the woman I’m going to marry soon. You’re in fact lucky you didn’t get a 5 page blow by blow of our relationship so far. :stuck_out_tongue:

18

I assumed that Beware of Doug is using “straight” as shorthand for “person primarily engaging in heterosexual sex,” as opposed to “person only interested sexually in persons of the opposite gender.” If so, I’m straight by preference too. That is, I’m a man who can completely understand why some men are gay, because there are men I am attracted to myself, and I have no moral objections to homosexuality. But I’m “straight by preference” because women are sooooooooo pretty – and I’ve never met Mandy Patinkin.

19

My first post in this thread was originally a lengthy one, but I deleted all but the first sentence thinking, “Nah, no one will want to read this stuff. I’m bragging, by gum!”

20

heh I actually cut and pasted your post to my fiancée and said “Well that was…short” and she replied “She’s succinct”

I’m trying my hardest to turn her into a doper (she’d fit right in here) but she just lurks and occasionally rants to me about the number of cat threads. She’s made me swear if we ever have cats I will not post any threads about it and never post pictures of it saying how cute it is…not that that was really a danger to begin with.