What’s red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
Guy’s sitting in his apartment when he hears a knock at the door.
Goes to the door to answer it, opens the door and looks around. Nobody there.
Guy goes back about his business when he hears another knock at the door.
Goes and answers it but nobody there. Goes about his business and there’s another knock. This time he’s pissed. Goes to the door, opens it, looks up and down, up and own and can’t see anything except this little bitty snail. Out of frustration he picks the snail up and hurls it out an open window.
Two years later the same guy hears a knock at the door and goes to answer it and there is this same snail. Snail looks at him and says
“What was that all about?”
Hungover looking guy goes in the bar loking like hell and asks for a coke
bartender who knows the customer goes to get him a beer guy stops him and sa
ys ive quit drinking
bartender is astounded since the guy was asteady drinker all his life he says what happened ?
guy goes i was so drunk last night i blew chunks
bartender says big deal sometimes we all get sick when we drink dont worry about ti
guy says bro you dont understand chunks was my dog
A male and a female were in bed together and the man gets a idea in in his head
he says baby lets try anal sex … the female goes eww trhats disgusting indecent and improper
He looks over and saysdisgusting indecent and improper?
arent those big words for a 12 yr old ?
You’ll either think this joke is great, or very very lame:
One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk.
He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walking
through the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-old
boy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, “Young
man, you’re much too young to smoke!”
The kid looks up at the Pope and says, “Fuck you!”
The Pope is completely taken aback. “What?” he says. “You say
that to me, the Pontiff, the Vicar of Christ, the head of
the Roman Catholic Church? I am the spiritual leader for
millions of people, young man, the representative of God,
and you dare to say that to me? No, no, no , kid, fuck *you *!”
Why did the farmer start a punk rock band?
He was tired of hauling oats.
A guy in a northern region is driving a snowmobile when it breaks down. He takes it to the shop to get it fixed, and the owner says “This should be fixed in an hour. Why don’t you just go have some lunch and come right back? It should be ready then.”
The guy comes back to the shop, and the shop owner says “Okay, it’s all fixed now! You just blew a seal.”
The snowmobilist answers “No, that’s just the mayonnaise.”
I love that joke. 
Bonus tiny jokes:
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick.
What’s green and smells like red paint? Green paint.
What was Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?
(Strike a menacing karate pose and shout)
WAH-Tah!!!
Get it? Water! His favorite drink!
Guess you had to have been there…slinks off.
I love it.
so there’s this tribe of little people called the Trids, and they live at the bottom of a big mountain. The trids are a quiet, peace-loving people, but they’re very unhappy. Their only source of food is at the top of the mountain, but there’s a giant guarding it. Whenever a trid comes to gather food, the giant kicks them off the mountain before they can get anything. The poor trids are desperate at this point. They’re starving, and they don’t know what to do. Finally, a rabbi comes to their little village. They tell him their story, and he promises to help. The next day, the rabbi climbs the mountain and sees that the giant is asleep. He gathers some food very quietly, and then on his way down the mountain, he wakes the giant. Our friend the rabbi stands there on the muntain cowering in front of the giant. The giant stands tall, draws back his foot, and then turns away. Surprised, the rabbi takes the food back to the Trids. He gathers food for the village all the next week, and never gets kicked. Finally, he asks the giant: “Mr. Giant, when the Trids come to get food, you kick them off the mountain. why don’t you ever kick me?” the giant laughs and says: "silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids! "
A magician is walking down the street, and he turns into a restaurant.
If you loved that one, you might enjoy this as well:
What was Bruce Lee’s favorite food?
Get ready to groan…
WAH PAHHHHHH
(Whopper)
Didn’t like it? Aww too bad.
I used to think that I liked groaners…and then there was that…