1.) Depends on what this favor entails and how much of your job I have to do to get it done.
2.) No, artwork downloaded from a website is NOT sufficient for printing, end of story.
3.) Yes, I can do this rush job if you have properly filled out the job ticket, all the artwork is included (if not, they either need to get it to me within the hour or it will push back the due time), and you ADD ON EXTRA CHARGES FOR THE RUSH. You already don’t bill the customers for half the work I do, do you do YOUR job for free?
(extra credit)
4.) Yes, I CAN accept Microsoft files IF they are set up correctly (which is about 5% of the time). Any time spent fixing the file will require design time at $85 an hour, otherwise they need to fix it then resubmit it.
-No, we don’t do data entry
-No, I can’t fix your PC (Ok, probably could, but won’t–I hate desktop support)
-Yes, we have to know at least a little bit about just about every technology the company uses
The critical path is the task or series of tasks that must be completed on schedule for a project to finish on schedule. Not the answer you were expecting? That’s because you’re a dumbass. (O.K., I usually don’t say that.)
Because you actually have to do something to make it fit on a page, like hiding unused columns, tweaking the timescale, or wrapping the text in the Task Name.
Oh and for my other “profession” (Guitar, Vocals in the band in my sig):
Video Editor for a Private Investigation Firm (former job)
1: No I don’t capture video footage, just edit it. I know what good footage looks like, but am pretty bad at shooting it. Plus I don’t like sitting in my car 8 hours at a time (in the heat/cold with no air/heater) unless I end up several hundred miles from where I started.
2: On a typical investigation, sure, 5-10 minutes or so of footage are “exciting”, if you’re lucky. The other two hours of nothing happening… well that’s what we cut out before we send to the clients. (Full disclosure videos available for any case that actually goes to court.)
3: Very little. The TV guys carry guns, we don’t. They try to solve crimes better left to the police, we bust fraudulent insurance claimants and cheating spouses. They drive convertibles…
That costs x amount and this is the part number (and if you looked in the friggen price book we so kindly supplied, you would know that you lazy shit)
2)Our lead time is 5-8 days so no, I can’t ship that boiler today. Especially since it’s 4:00 in the friggen afternoon and you haven’t even placed the damn order yet and the guys in the factory went home an hour ago.
No, the parts department will not ship your part at 4:45. UPS has already picked up and no we don’t care if you’re in a different time zone. It’s closing time at the factory.
and I have a special one for this particular week:
No, the new price books aren’t done yet. Didn’t I tell you 5 times this week already that when you’re holding the book in your hand, you can start using the new prices? I am not going to charge you the new prices before we distribute them.
(What is with these people? Why are they so desperate to pay higher prices? Enjoy the current prices while you can people!)
I inspect, test, and repair equipment used in the hospital. From electronic thermometers to defibrillators.
No, I don’t get to go into the OR when they are “cutting some guy open.” (At least not usually, in an emergency I might have to.)
No, it can’t be fixd today because i need a part I don’t have. Even if I order it and have it shipped overnight, tomorrow is the earliest it can be fixed.
You’d be suprised how many people don’t understand #3.
Bud, Bud Lite, MGD, High Life, Miller Lite, Mich lite, Mich Ultra, etc., etc.
Fuck the trustees…they have NO CLUE how to run a bar. No, I don’t think they have ever been in the “real” world.
Yes, Grey Goose vodka is $2.50 a shot. No, that is NOT expensive. The way I see it, you have three options. Pay the $2.50, drink Popov for $1.50, or get the hell out. I am voting for option three.
No, we are not digging up dinosaurs. In fact, we aren’t even looking for dinosaurs. I know absolutely nothing about dinosaurs (but I would be more than happy to listen to you prattle on for 40 minutes about your trip to the Smithsonian 20 years ago).
Keep in mind approx. 50% of the people I saw were having some symptoms of various mental illnesses and needed to be treated with care,compassion and understanding. The rest were complete total assholes who needed a kick in the ass and told to grow up and act their age! Whew! Almost a rant!
No, I can’t let you go. You’re here for 72 hrs.
No, I can’t unlock that door, you’re here for 72 hrs.
Yes, some tricks are very simple when you know how. But knowing how a trick is done isn’t the same as knowing how to do it; and reducing a trick to the bare bones of the method is like discussing ‘Middlemarch’ in terms of the font used in the book; and sometimes the methods we use are very, very complex.
Yes, I’ve seen those TV shows where they explain how ‘all’ the tricks are done. But actually those shows are dumb, the methods they show aren’t the methods we use anyway, and they only deal with one tiny part of what is in truth a vast field.
And of course…
No, honestly, I’m *not * going to tell you how that trick you’re talking about is done. Even though you promise you won’t tell anyone.
Yes, I’ve talked a caller through delivering a baby. (One of my best calls - 3 minutes flat from “Her water just broke!” to “OMIGOD it’s a baby girl!”)
1a) Yep, done CPR a few times, too. Once it actually even worked.
No, Rescue911 has very little to do with reality. I understand they’re reenactments, but do you know how many weeks worth of calls from all over the country they had to sift through to come up with enough material for a 1 hour show?
No, I didn’t really want to be a cop. I’d be a lousy cop. Most cops would be lousy dispatchers.
3a) Because they are two completely different jobs, that’s why.
No, I have no idea why your professor didn’t give you an A on your last paper…yes, I get As on mine…no, you’ll have to talk to your professor about that.
Center Supervisor at tutoring center
No, you have to make an appointment 24 hours in advance.
No, we don’t have tutors on call. you have to make your appointment 24 hours in advance.
No, I can’t give you the tutor’s home phone number.
3b) No, I have no idea what you’re supposed to do now. Talk to your professor.
I don’t know of any high return investments with no risk. Those two things kind of go together and you can’t get one without the other.
I can’t help you with that penalty the IRS is charging. If you are taking out your IRA at 40 to pay for the trip to Cancun, the IRS isn’t going to give you a tax break.
My “real” job: graphic designer/copywriter with an in-house marketing dept.
Yes, reducing the print quantity will reduce the cost, but not as much as you think.
No, I don’t mind reviewing your letter before you send it to the customer. In fact, it would be a good idea given the grammar and spelling in the email you sent to ask me this.
Yes, I can crop a photo for you and eliminate the red-eye. No, I can’t do anything to make the baby look less like a monkey.
My preferred job: painter.
I get ideas from just about everything.
Yes I can draw a horse.
As much as I’d like to, I doubt very seriously that I could become rich by selling my paintings.
1A. Yes, I know you would be willing to test drive a new car for the next, say 50,000 miles. 1B. Yes, I understand that you would not charge us for the time you spent behind the wheel.
Yes you have to take the class. Tell you what, if you don’t learn at least one new thing, I will buy you a beer. (I haven’t bought any beer in 13 years)
No you can’t test drive the training car home until next week.