Aerospace Engineer:
1: Ha ha, good one, no I’m not having fun yet.
2: No, not Friday yet, but we’re over the hump!
3: Yes, it really is Monday, sorry. Check in with me on Wednesday and I can reanswer question #2.
Freelance copyeditor.
- Yes, I do read a lot.
- Sometimes I edit files on the computer, but most of the time I work on hard copy. But I’m always using the computer to create style sheets, query and cover letters, etc.; do online research/fact checking; communicate with clients; and so on.
- No, they can’t just use spell check. :rolleyes:
- No, you don’t have to watch your grammar around me. I’m not an insufferable prig who can’t tell when I’m not working.
- No, I don’t have to work all the math problems in the math textbooks I edit. But I do sometimes notice oddities that turn out to be errors.
- No, I have no idea how to get your book published. I’m not that kind of editor.
- Maybe, but probably not. Just being able to spot typos in books and newspapers usually does not an editor make.
Side job: Glass bead jewelry maker.
- Yes, I made all this stuff myself.
- No, I don’t do this full-time.
- No, you can’t have a special discount for buying two items.
Theater student
-
No, not dramaturkey, dramaturgy.
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It’s sort of a trivia-knower, idea sounding-board for directors, general play helper-with. Different theaters use theirs in different ways. Down at the Shakespeare Festival here there’s three…
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Yes, a lot.*
(not a question, but I do get it all the time…) Thank you for your concern about my future financial well-being.
*“So, you know a lot about Shakespeare and stuff, huh?”
Chief estimator for a structural steel fabricator
In no particular order…
1 - No, I don’t know if (store/restaurant/etc.) is going to build a new one here, yes, I’ve heard the rumors, but my policy is that it’s not official until the plans are on my desk.
2 - No, I can’t tell you what to use for your new addition/patio/garage/etc., nor can I tell you how much it will cost, you’ll have to set up an appointment with our engineer and pay a design fee.
3 - I’m sorry sir, I can’t tell you if that will work to hold up a four-wheeler.
Yes, you told it me it worked for your brother/brother-in-law/etc., but I can’t tell you due to insurance reasons if it will or will not work for that purpose.
Insurance Agent
-
Your premium is due the same day it was due LAST month.
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Your insurance rate is high because you have 27 points on your license!
-
No, I will NOT pay your premium for you.
Preschool Teacher.
- Because we don’t run inside.
- Because we don’t hit our friends.
- Because I said so.
(Previously) Helpdesk Tech
[ol]
[li]Shut up and reboot.[/li][li]I’ll send somebody around when he’s free.[/li][li]Shut up and reboot, dammit![/li][/ol]
(At present) Kept Man/Cabana Boy/Househusband
[ol]
[li]Yes,dear![/li][li]Yes,dear![/li][li]Oh God, YES,dear![/li][/ol]
Rental Property Management
- Yes, the repair is scheduled for today.
- We file for eviction is you don’t pay by the 10th.
- It’s in the supply closet.
(Old job, which I hated)
GEICO Insurance Agent
[ol]
[li]No, I don’t know the damn God damn Gecko. He’s fucking pretend.[/li][li]No, we can’t forget you just mentioned your 16-year old boy is driving your car now.[/li][li]I sleep very well at night, in a large comfy bed with my fiancée. I’m not sure how my supervisor sleeps, or Warren Buffett, but I can assure you it’s not on a fluffy pile of money.[/li][/ol]
(new job, which I really like)
Graduate School Admissions Coordinator
[ol]
[li]No, I don’t know what classes you need to take, but your Advisor does.[/li][li]No, I don’t know where X person is. I am not the department secretary, even though I live in a cube, not an office.[/li]No, I don’t know to do X task, or where X file is, or what X thing is all about. The woman who had this job before me spent 3 hours “training” me and avoids any questions I ask her now. I’m not being lazy, I just have to teach myself how to do this job from the ground up and it’s taking a while. If you tell me what I am doing wrong, or what I need to do to help you I will do it.[/ol]
Lawyer
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No, I don’t know how much pot you can have without getting arrested.
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Yes, it is exactly like L.A. Law. Except when it’s like The Firm.
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No, I haven’t been following [enter name of celebrity here]'s trial and I don’t know if s/he did it. Neither, frankly, do I care.
Quality Control Chemist
- Two weeks; more if you keep bugging me.
- Yes, that means you can’t use it.
- Yes, I re-ran the test.
Computer Engineer
1.) No, that does not make me an expert in using Word, Excel and Powerpoint.
2.) No, that’s not the same thing as MCSE
3.) Yes, and I can, like, design a processor too.
Propagandist/Communications Manager
- Yes, it is easy.
- No, it is lying.
- Not any more - it pays well enough, and everyone else does it.
- We need the request in writing.
1a. Because the Congress and Privacy nuts said so via HIPPA.
1b. Because verbal is about as good as the paper it isn’t on. :rolleyes: - Your insurer applied it all to your deductible.
2a. As the the sign at the check in window said, “We are not contracted.”
2b. Each calander year. - In-house means done correctly, not quicker.
Management Consultant
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Yes, I can travel that week. Email me the expense codes. / No, I can’t travel that week. How about (x) week.
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Because that’s the way our software works.
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You’ll still need to use paper to drive some processes, but we’ll throw it away (or maybe scan it) when we’re done.
Junior High Teacher
- Did you fill out a pass?
- No, I don’t have change for a five.
- Because you’ll be tested on this.
Communications director for a non-profit children’s advocacy organization
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I’m sorry, we don’t provide services to individuals.
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Yes, you can get it faster, but you’ll have to pay a rush charge.
-
I told you when I interviewed for this job that I had no experience in web design or maintenace. I’ve been training myself on the software that we bought in 2001. I’ve put a request for both software and training in every budget since I got here, so at least for right now, no, I can’t do that.
Middle school math teacher
Questions from other adults:
- No, I’m not really all that smart.
- Because I like kids this age.
- Yes, the vacation time is incredible.
Questions from students:
- Yes, you need your math book today.
- Yes, you have homework tonight.
- It doesn’t matter how old I am.
Freelance writer & copyeditor
-
No, actually you do have to pay me if you want me to ghostwrite your exciting life story that you claim is sure to be a bestseller. I hate to tell you this, but there are a lot of people out there with extraordinary lives. And I’m a professional writer, not a charity, and the amount of “exposure” you claim I’ll get from ghostwriting your story will in no way compensate me for my time, especially since the whole concept of ghostwriter means I write and you take the credit. If you want someone to write for you for free, do it yourself.
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Because your administrative assistant may be a professional, but she’s not a professional writer.
-
It’s interesting, yes, but it’s still a business. And it’s not always all that fun.
BONUS ROUND:
-
No, actually I don’t have a lot of time on my hands. In addition to producing what my business is known for, I also am my own marketing, administrative and accounting department, so I’m afraid I can’t stop by the supermarket for you. Sorry.
-
Yes, it really is a profession.
-
About 10 hours a day.
TA (intro bio)
- I don’t know. I don’t write the exams. But I’ll make a bet that, if the prof stressed the importance of that chapter over and over again in lecture, it’s probably gonna count for your grade.
1b. Even if it’s not on the exam, you should probably understand it. It’ll make your later bio courses much easier if you do.
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It’s on the syllabus.
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Read the lab manual. You were supposed to do that before you came to lab today, anyway.
Researcher (forest ecology)
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Yes, I’m a bit behind. But I’m not terribly far behind, and I’m making progress.
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I’m almost done with the data sorting. Then I’ll start on the analysis.
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Yes, I’m under the credit hour limit, so I’m still eligible to keep my TA.