Tell us your job, and answer the Top 3 questions you get all the time:

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

Direct caregiver for handicapped people.

To people outside “The System”:

1: No, I’m rather ordinary, but thank you.

2: No, a few of them were children twenty five years ago, but they grew up.

3: Perhaps because their parents are all either in their seventies, or dead.

4: Yes, I am very patient.

To Clinicians and Administrators:

1: No, she’s not here. She’s not here either. They leave at three. No, they won’t be back today.

2: No, I’m not the only one who won’t take data, I’m just the only one who won’t lie to you about it.

3: Did you ask [the client]?

To clients:

1: Yes, you can have a coke, here.

2: No, I don’t have any cookies. Want a hug?

3: She’s off today.

4: Susan, Susan, Susan! Your ceaseless yammering is an unrelenting trial to my patience and kindness, and if you don’t stop this very minute, (in chorus, with Susan) I’m going to have to wring your neck!

Tris

“Don’t you want somebody to love?” ~ Grace Slick ~

62

Winemaker

  1. Here’s a tasting sheet.
  2. No, we don’t do weddings.
  3. No, I haven’t seen “Sideways”.
63

Bwahaha. I’m just finishing a stint Student Teaching, 7th Grade English:

Answers to Questions from Students:

  1. Um, yes, we did have homework last night.

  2. Someone please repeat what Jimmy/Janey/Johnny just said.

  3. Yes, we do have to do work today.
    Answers to Questions from Fellow Adults, Non-Teachers

  4. They’re pretty good, actually.

  5. Next, I’ll be teaching 9th, 11th and 12th grades in a different district.

  6. No, you don’t need to watch your grammar.

64

Computer programmer

  1. Because you asked me to make it do that.

  2. Because you asked me to make it stop doing that.

  3. Because you asked me to change it.

65

Librarian

1). Sure! I promise you’re not bothering me - I’m here to answer questions.

2). Right now, it doesn’t cost anything to print in this room. That could change in the future, but today you’re ok.

3). Reserve items are kept at the circulation desk. Just take your ID there, and they can help you get the one you need.

66

Game designer / Playtester.

  1. Sure, we run 'em a lot. Come on out to the casa-de-games, we’ll get you involved.

  2. I knew people.

  3. Sure, if you wanna help, and I have work. Just understand that I can’t even really promise credit, much less pay. I often don’t get either, myself.

67

Congenital Toxoplasmosis Study Coordinator

  1. It’s a parasite.
  2. No, you’d probably know if you had it.
    2a. No, you won’t catch it, unless you’re a fetus. (Note the “congenital” part, people.)
  3. If untreated, it can do any number of terrible things. Many of the kids I see have major vision problems, and some have motor difficulties, hearing loss, mental retardation…etc.
68

Legal editor:

  1. No, I can’t log on to the network, either.
  2. Down the hall, last door on the right.
  3. Click on the arrow/pointer tool. Click on the graphic. Go to Element, then ungroup. Click on the blue box. The other blue box. Hit delete. Delete. It’s on the upper right side of the keyboard …
69

Google Answers Researcher

  1. No, I’m an independent contractor. Only Google employees got stock options.
  2. About $1000 a month.
  3. Probably the one that asked “What Color is Penguin Poop?”
70

Aircraft Functional Test Technician

  1. Yes, my bar will get done today.

  2. Yes, you can borrow my tools but I will kill you if you don’t bring it back.

  3. SHUTTING POWER OFF THE AIRPLANE!

71

Actuary

  1. No, I can’t tell you exactly how long you are going to live.
  2. No, it’s not at all like being an accountant.
  3. No, I don’t sit in a back room all day doing calculations.
72

Postgrad student:

  1. It’s a combination of biological sciences and computing: No, it’s not the same as biotechnology. (Q: What the **** is bioinformatics)

  2. Hopefully. It’s a Masters course which if I pass i go on to a PhD automatically (Q: Are you doing a PhD?)

  3. Because that’s how the course works. You don’t have to pick a supervisor until as late as September. (Q: How come you don’t have a supervisor?)

73

From other people:

1.) Yes, I am still working there.

2.) No, it’s not telemarketing.

3.) It’s really not that bad.

From employees:

1.) Calling in sick is not approved time off and it counts. No, I don’t care if your Mom calls. This is not school. Coughing on me doesn’t help.

2.) No, I will not put you on another task just because you ask (especially because I know you, and you won’t do the task, you just want to talk to your friend that sits next to you and pretend to do it). Taking calls is your task. Do it right, and you can get promoted and do off the phone things all day.

3.) No, the company will not pay for your gas, child care, lunch, work clothes, taxi fare, or any other thing just because you need it to be at work. You do not get free time to chat with your friends for twenty minutes when you’re supposed to be working because it is “about work”. This is perfectly fair. It is also fair for other people to make more because they’re working nights or because we gave them a performance-based raise, or for us to give them extra paid time off as an incentive. This is not kindergarten where you all get two cookies and one carton of milk.

74

I’m in IT. My title is Production Control Planner.

  1. Yes, I realize it’s urgent. (Way too many people label the requests they send us “urgent”. I think they do it out of habit.)

  2. No, I can not say exactly when those CDs will be burned and ready for you to pick up and start your testing of product X. (There are just too many variable factors.)

  3. To be honest, I do not know the answer to that, so I’m going to need to refer you to person X, who can answer your question. (People assuming I can answer questions on subjects that I just do not have enough knowledge about.)

75

I’m 22, and in College full time now -but here we go:

Ledo Pizza Take out Counter ((www.ledopizza.com))

1.Niether -it’s “Maryland Style”

2.It is a sweet red sauce.

3.It is square because because at Ledo’s we don’t cut corners.

The Game Keeper (Back in 1999 and 2000) (Now Out of Business Board Game Store owned by Wizards of the Coast) www.wizards.com

1.No -each package has a random assortment of cards.

2.The picture on the package does not indicate what is inside.

  1. Ultra Rare or Foil Cards come randomly assorted, In about every 3rd pack.

Extra Credit

  1. No its not violent because they never die, they simply faint.

5.I hate to admit it, but yes. —Tied with— I would have to go with “Pikachu”

76

Computer Support at a college

  1. Nothing has changed. You just typed your password or username incorrectly.
  2. Download and run hijackthis and send me the log.
  3. No, we don’t fix student computers. The name at the entrance is ABC College, not ABC Computer Repair.
77

Traffic reporter:

  1. No, I don’t go up in a helicopter.
  2. I’m sorry your commute was really bad yesterday morning, but since I only work afternoon rush hour, I don’t know why you were stuck in traffic. Also, since I do close to 120 reports a day, there’s a good chance I wouldn’t remember.
  3. No, I don’t know the weather forecast.
  4. Still don’t go up in a helicopter.
78

Librarian:

  1. See that piece of blue wall over there? The restrooms are under it.
  2. It’s free if you live in the county. If you don’t, it’s $60 a year. (pause) Because my property taxes pay for it and yours don’t.
  3. No, one dosen’t need a masters’ degree just to shelve books. One does need it to be a librarian, however.
79

Help Desk Technician

  1. “No, the network/system/server/internet is not down. What exactly is the problem you are experiencing? I see. I’m going to have you reboot your machine first, and we’ll go from there. {60 second pause} That fixed it, you say? Yes, that is amazing. :rolleyes:”
  2. “What’s the order number?”
  3. “No, I don’t know when you are going to get a new laptop. Your manager has to apporove that for you.”
80

Medical Assistant in a Derm Office

  1. Yes, you should get your whole body looked at. A good percentage of skin cancers are on the legs.

  2. Yes, the shot will hurt. It is a needle, and Lidocaine burns. Especially painful on the nose, lips, and ears.

  3. No, you can’t have a refill. Because you havn’t been seen in 3 years, and our policy is that you must be seen at least yearly in order to continue to receive prescriptions. May I schedule an appointment for you?