Desideratum number 1: My kid (3.9 y.o.) gets the message that I am not interested in hearing ever small little detail about the current imagination game he’s playing with himself and his toys.
Desideratum number 2: My kid is not utterly crushed and does not develop some kind of complex.
Brainstorm!
-FrL-
I usually just tell my kids that my ears are really tired right now and I need a little quiet time. You can also say that your ears are full. In the car, I tell them that I need to concentrate on driving. Both are true, and I hope tactful; I could not cope with listening to them all the time.
My girls have told me that their babysitter has them play The Quiet Game while they get ready for bed; whoever can get ready most quietly wins. This cracks me up, because I know my kids are always very excited to see her and will happily talk her ears off. Good way to get a break, Big K!
Assuming you mean #1 as a temporary measure:
I’m sorry honey. Daddy’s a little tired right now/Daddy needs to work on this/Daddy wants to watch this TV show. Daddy will be happy to listen to you tomorrow/tonight/after this show is done. This may lead to disappointment or tears right then and there, but he won’t develop a complex.
If you mean #1 as a permanent message, as in you’re never going to listen to him explain his fantasy universe, then development of a complex is unavoidable.
I used to tell my son (around age 2-3) “mommy’s ears are full of words and need to drain for a little while”.
It amused him. 
To be clear, I meant just for the moment, not permanently.
Anyway, I take it “Holy crap you’re annoying” is right out then? 
-FrL-
You could schedule “daddy time” and “play-by-yourself time” for each day. If he wants to share something with you during pby time, then just remind him to save it for daddy time. He’ll have forgotten most of it by then, but he’ll feel good that he has the scheduled one-on-one time with you, where you play with him and talk to him, and listen to him talk to you.
Of course, if you forget to tell him you’ve scheduled play-with-yourself time, he may end up with a whole new complex.
Excellent. I love a good one-liner that explains things to kids. All I could think of was a boring monologue of how one shouldn’t say every thing that comes to mind: “Our heads are constantly full of thoughts and if everybody did it… blah blah blah”.
I’m sure there are an internet site out there with good one-liners for parents but I’ve never seen on. Your’s should be added as part of the great sage advice for the ages.
Yeah, the warm fuzzy “Darling I love you, but I need some quiet time” is great the first fifty or so times. When you hit that ceiling, try blackmail. "Kid? If you talk while I’m reading, I’m going to talk all through favourite TV show. Or, you can stay quiet now and I will stay quiet then.
I found that reading out random articles from the newspaper during Teletubbies was very effective. Or the instructions for operating the VCR. I called it ‘empathy training’.
My mother once told me (as an adult) that the reason for the early bed time was so adults had free time.
There’s always “Let’s play Cemetery!”
I say, “I need some space right now. I’ll be ready to play with you in 20 minutes,” and set a timer. Or, “I’m answering someone’s question on the computer right now, I’ll be done in 5 minutes and then we can have a tea party!” Or, “It’s my break time! I’ll listen to you when my break is over in 15 minutes.”
Giving a definite end point to my quiet time seems to help. But you gotta stick to it if you’re going to give it, and you can’t give in to the whining in the meantime.
Most importantly, when delivering the quiet request, really be present for that. Get down on one knee, look the kid in the eye, and really connect with him for a moment, letting him know that you still like him, you still value him, but you can only give him your full attention after you’ve given something else your full attention. An irratated or flippant “Just a sec…Gosh, could you be quiet for just a minute, please!” tossed over your shoulder will not get you as good of results as a deliberate moment of emotional contact before making your needs known.
WhyBaby’s about to be four, and now she will sometimes say, “I need some space. I’ll be back in 10 minutes,” and go into her room for a bit when she’s feeling overwhelmed.
As always, WhyNot impresses the hell out of me. What a great example to set for your child - “This is what people do when they need some quiet for themselves.”
Back in my younger day’s growing up in north Boston i would hear of the British goverment an their involvement in the murder of J.F.K. Being of Irish desent and a devout catholic,there was great concern from the Brit’s that J.F.K. might or in fact would grant independence to Ireland. And knowing of the grocery list of problem’s we were faced with at the time everything from the Cuban missle crisis to the racial turmoil. Gave opportunity and in many mind’s motive for the Britian’s MI5 (Britian’s equivalent to our C.I.A.) to insure that Ireland’s independence was not to be. Kennedy having many enemies from the federal reserve, Castro the Mafia all the way to our very own intelligance agency had something in one way or another to benifet from Kennedy’s early demise. And may be that our own C.I.A. coupled with our cousin’s across the pond conspired in the assassination of our beloved 35th president.
Best. Child-rearing. Advice. Ever.
See, I thought it was a demonstration of what happens if you never tell the kid to stop talking.
Nonsense. Tell the kid that every other hour for no reason whatsoever and see how fast they learn to shut up. Some kids just can’t learn without the pain.
Welcome to the SDMB, klowens. Please start a new thread if you want to discuss a new topic; we would also appreciate you not bumping old threads without new, relevant information.
I’m closing this thread.