Maintaining “childhood innocence”, whatever that is, can be taken to silly and ignorant extremes. I just found this week in casual conversation with some of the people who work under me that one of them carefully censors ALL books, television programs, movies, and internet content which might show…wait for it…ANY animal or person dying. His kid is 5 and Dad is still trying his best to pretend like death does not exist. I asked him how long he was going to try to keep this up, and his response was “as long as it takes! Children don’t need to know about dying!” I started to say something, but before I did another co-worker said they were pursuing the exact, same strategy, and they were “really worried that (their kid, age 4) was figuring it out.” He said he had to drag the kid out of the film Up at the start of it, because apparently it has a scene with someone dying. And he confiscated the Finding Nemo DVD for a similar reason.
So I asked when they were going to tell their kids that the hamburgers and Chicken McNuggets they stuff their faces with almost daily were dead animals, and they both gave me that “look.” AND, since most childed persons react with hostility when I try to comment on parenting, I figured it was time to change the subject and talk about their annual performance reviews.
But I wonder how these folks are going to handle it when the kids learn about history in school. “Dad, why isn’t George Washington the President any more? Can we go see him?” “Oh, he went to a magical place, with Frodo and Bilbo and the rest of the elves.”
“Traumatized” is not synonymous with “disappointed.”
You become traumatized because your wife is murdered, or you’re sexually assaulted, or you’ve seen combat. You don’t become traumatized by finding out Santa Claus isn’t real. That’s silly bullshit.
That was sort of our take on Santa, actually - with our own children. It was a repeated game, with clues, that they needed to figure out…they did, in time with logic skills - for which we praised them for being so smart and let them feel very grown up for knowing the “secret.” Which we then explained was a secret.
We never told them Santa was “real” but we never told them he wasn’t either - until they asked the direct question. We asked “what do you think?” We told them Santa was magic. We told them magic wasn’t real.
It was a exercise in logic, in figuring stuff out, and in growing up. Just like when they figured out food doesn’t magically appear on grocery store shelves (we went to a farm). They aren’t born knowing “facts” or “the truth” - and its worthwhile to encourage them to develop the skills to figure out what is “the truth” for themselves.
You can always tell your children that you’re going to make believe that there’s a magical Santa who delivers presents on Christmas Eve. Children are remarkably good at playing make believe.
I hereby agree 100% with **Dio **(on this subject).
In my house, those that profess a belief in Santa STILL get presents. Those that insist on a cold, rational, and bitter view don’t get anything from Santa. My kids are older, know the rules, and we still have a blast with the holidays.
Yeah, you pretty much do. If they ask you if their picture is beautiful, you have to lie. If you tell them they did a good job of “trying,” they know that means the picture sucks.
There’s a famous legend from India about a dad who tried that with his kid, and succeeded in hiding death from him until he was an adult. That kid went on to become the Buddha. So maybe these kids will all beome Awakened Ones too.
As an only child, my parents actively promoted belief in Santa. I wrote him letters and left him milk and cookies… the whole nine yards. My parents signed about half of my presents with the name “Santa”. That is how I figured it out, I think around age 5 or 6. I noticed that the handwriting was the same as my Mom’s. Then, the next Christmas, I stayed up and heard them bustling around downstairs. I peeked and watched while they set up the display of presents under the tree, and that was my confirmation. I don’t remember ever being sad at all - I was maybe a touch disappointed, but mostly proud of how clever I was that I figured it out on my own. What as asshole I was.
I agree that it teaches a certain lesson about the “infallible” authority of the parents in a non-threatening way, much like The Lion King and Bambi and Up teach us about death in a non-threatening way. Boy, are those kids going to be horrified when their first experience with death IS death. Anyway, maybe the kids who get the most upset needed the lesson the most. Plus, it’s so fun, and you get to sort of relive that magic (gag, I know) every year.
When my older brother and sister (about 5 and 6 at the time) started to ask my extremely religious parents if Santa was like Jesus, they freaked and told them that Santa was fake, but Jesus was real. The parents also told them to not tell my sister and I (4 and 3, respectively – there were a bunch of us bunched up), and since young kids are really good keepers of secrets, I grew up never believing in Santa.
I remember an argument on the subject with a friend in first grade, but he didn’t believe me. Apparently I didn’t have any more credibility back then.
We’ll pretend about Santa with our daughter when she’s old enough. If that is the worst thing which happens in her childhood, I’ll be satisfied.
Nobody gets anything from Santa, they get things from Mom and Dad. Why would you make that dependent on their willingness to lie about believing in an imaginary flying fat man?
How would you know if they are or not? You are literally rewarding them with presents for lying. Of course they’ll act like they are enjoying themselves, no matter what.
And naturally, we see the standard rhetoric that “rational” means “cold and bitter”. While lies bring happiness.
Holy cow. Punishing pragmatism and honesty: the new Christmas spirit!
At my parent’s house, we all pretend there is a santa, and we all know it’s bull, but it’s fun bull so we do it anyway. However if somebody lets slip that they don’t believe reindeer can exceed the speed of sound, we don’t get all punitive on them; it’s a game we’re playing and doesn’t need punishment.
And if I ever have a kid, I’ll keep playing the aforementioned game, and if the kid ever actually asked if it’s real or if I believe it, I’ll do the “what do you think” thing. I wouldn’t expect to raise any dumb kids, so would my active backing of belief in the myth I expect they’d have it all figured out before too long.
I know what the consquences of lying about Santa, the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny are. A few of us even made a video about it based on a true story.
If you have a few minutes maybe you too can learn a valuable lesson.
You’d prefer that kids were born “knowing” at least basic facts about the world?
You obviously don’t know one basic fact - kids aren’t born knowing anything other than basic physical processes like swallowing and shitting.
Let me guess: You’re younger than 30 with no kids of your own? (And, no, the “I’ve babysat my sister/brother/friends kids so I know what I’m talking about” line ain’t gonna play here).
At least I got a good laugh out of this post. Didn’t learn a damn thing, but it was sure as hell funny!
