Thank you for you thoughts Zoe. I was already seeing a doctor about the anxiety before my dad died, and I have some generic Xanax. The problem is, even before my dad died, I felt like I needed it all the time. I suppose if thing don’t get better soon I might need to get on one of the daily meds like Paxil or Effexor. I never had much luck with those though.
What bugs me about it is the implication that we give a crap about whatever God wants. Even if he existed, why does his precious frickin’ plan take precedence over us? If John Lee Malvo sniped your father at a Maryland gas station, would people be coming up to you saying, “don’t worry, it’s all part of Mr. Malvo’s plan.” So when, according to these people’s belief system, God is responsible for his death, they think “it’s all part of God’s plan” is consoling? I’d say that if God’s plan included taking the life of my father while he’s still in his middle years, that God can suck a dick.
Anyways, I think it’s patronizing to console a person who has suffered a loss. You really can’t understand exactly what that person is going through, because each person is affected differently. All you can do is send your well wishes to the mourner, knowing recovery will be a battle.
So I send you all the best, and wish you well in fighting your way out of these tough times. I have confidence in people’s ability to work through adversity, and think 90% of everybody is tougher in a crunch than they think they are. So best of luck to you, sir.
Revtim please accept my sympathies for your loss. As you said, at least you have supportive family around you at this difficult time.
In grief and awkward situations people are often at a loss for words and don’t know how to take the pain away so they blurt out what comes naturally for many people - religious or non.
Though the loss of a loved one is never part of our plan, but it does happen. It sucks, but it happens.
My boss came up with a good one herself. Being the strong Christian she is, she asked if I minded she pray for me and my family (after our fiasco this winter). Though I am not Christian, told her she could if she wanted too. She asked my religion, and when I told her Buddhism, she immediately retorted that (and I quote) “You obviously worship the wrong god!” :eek:
So even people with good intentions can put their foot in it.
Wishing you all the best.
Peace be with you.
Washte
Revtim, I am so sorry to hear about your loss, and all of the other crap that you obviously don’t deserve. Time will make it better, but it may not seem like that right now.
Another thing that sticks in my craw is the idea of Karma. I once had a close friend who went through a string of bad things, including the loss of his father. I told an insensitive prick that my friend was having a streak of bad luck. IP smugly suggested that it wasn’t luck, it was karma. Implying that my friend must have been a bad person, and was now getting his just deserts.
The first rule of karma is you never talk about the karma.
Wow. Holy crap, that’s one of the most ignorant things I’ve ever heard from a Christian, and that’s saying alot. Not only the implication that Buddhists worship the “wrong” god, but the complete and total ignorance displayed by the idea that Buddhists worship a god at all. Jeez, even the most cursory introduction into Buddhism, a paragraph-long summary of its philosophy, would be enough to understand better than that. I guess somebody should tell the atheist Buddhists to be a little more vocal about their presence.
It freaked me out so much, I was at a loss for how to respond.
I was rather taken aback. It still shocks me, to be honest.
This was the final straw for me. Lost all respect for her at that point, unfortunately.
Apparently my actions and subtle hints were a bit too subtle, Rexdart. I am not one for spouting my beliefs, but hope the kindness and understanding and peace I try to share and bring to others is enough.
Sorry for the slight hijack.
Dangnabbit. As if having higher shipping costs, gas prices, and two-for-one large pizza deal prices wasn’t enough for us poor Hawaiians to bear. 
Take care of yourself and your mom, Revtim.
Revtim, I also have lost a father. It’s been almost a year and the same sort of conditions - sudden ‘heart attack’ with no history of problems.
I cried for missing him today, again. I’ll be thinking of you and yours tonite.
Thanks Venoma, my sympathies to you too.