I have this wonderful ten dollar subscription plan as part of my work benefits. I’m paying for this thing every month so it’s not like it’s a free plan.
I’ve had it for five years, but generally the Mrs. gets a prescription filled on those rare occasions when we need on.
Today I took my benefits cared (the one that says $10 prescription,) down to the pharmacy.
“That’ll be eighty dollars.”
“Heh. Heh,” I say. “You silly ignorant fool, perhaps you have not looked closely at the card I handed you, the card that says “ten dollar subscriptions,” right on it. Had you looked at that card you would have been shocked and awed by the power it represents and you would never have callously insinuated that I need to pay eighty dollars for a prescription. Look upon my card and despair. I am an elite member of an exclusive fraternity, and my long years of premiums deducted from my paycheck have now yielded me their benefits. I do not have to pay your silly price.”
That may not be an exact quote, btw.
The pharmacist replied: "You arrogant fool. Do you think that we here at the pharmacy are confused and frightened by your silly card? Do you think that we have never seen such a thing. We have been laughing at people like you with your stupid laminated prescription cards since before you were born.
Here’s the deal chump. Your “ten dollar prescriptions” only applies to generic drugs that would not cure a hangnail. Your doctor has prescribed you real medecine, not that generic trash. Because your prescription is for real medecine your ten dollar prescription costs fifteen dollars."
Unconfronted by this logic I shot back: “There may perhaps be some truth in what you say. It is difficult for me to imagine that a “ten dollar subscription” card might actually cost fifteen dollars, but I guess I could accept that. However, even I am not fool enough to believe that a fifteen dollar prescription could cost eighty dollars. Desist from your transparent attempts to pull the wool over my eyes. Do I look like such a fool?”
“Indeed you do.” He said. “For what kind of fool does not understand that a fifteen dollar subscription only applies to prescriptions lasting 33 days or less? Your prescription lasts for 45 days. Therefore you have to pay two fifteen dollar prescriptions. Acquaint thyself with the fine print?”
“But I have recieved no fine print,” I protest.
“Oh you have the fine print. Make no mistake about that. You have it. You just refused to see it.”
"Ok. It does seem possible that there is a caveat to my ten dollar subscription plan applying only to generics, and it is conceivable to me that there could be a time limit as well to the supply of medecine that I may have requiring an additional payment to me. Nevertheless I have begun to doubt your integrity. You had me going there for a secon, but now the facade is broken and the scales are lifted from my eyes. I regard you clearly as the charlatan you are, preying upon sick people. For shame!
Even I can see that two times fifteen is thirty. Even if what you say is true I would only have to pay thirty dollars for this prescription. You however are claiming it costs eighty. Verily the jig is up!"
The pharmacist regarded me with bemused amusement and other condescending adjectives were apparant on his face as well.
“You have a fifty dollar deductible on your ten dollar prescription plan.”
“I have a what?”
“You have a ten dollar…”
"I heard you!
Let me get this straight: My ten dollar prescription plan is fifteen dollars for non-generic prescriptions, thirty dollars if they’re over 33 days…"
“But less than 67,” he interjected.
“And I have a fifty dollar deductible?”
“Yes you do. That’ll be eighty dollars.”
“I can’t beleive my ten dollar subscription plan is all a lie. How can they do this to me?”
“It’s a cruel world. Pay me now before I institute the double jeopardy bonus co-pay.”
