Mulleted White Supremist: - emptied in ground pool, vasoline, gerbil, handcuffs, ten pound dumb bell, German-English Dictionary, and a Condalisa Rice rubber mask. Muhammad Atta: - open field, roast beef, North American wolverine, handcuffs, fishing line, rubber boots, and a NY times. Oh and a Hello Kitty rubber stammer with “Allah” written on it
Wolf Blitzer: Rockefeller center, sheep sheers, duct-tape, apple sauce, a fake fox tail, a leopard bikini, and a fazzy the bear muppet mask.
Who: D_Odds rolls out a list of 5,999,999,990 names. Best he doesn’t list them all
Where: Anyplace their wails of agony won’t assault my ears and their rotting corpses won’t stink up my home
Tools: Folding chairs, duct tape to affix people to folding chairs, perhaps barbed wire between duct tape and body, and a 24/7 loop of Fox reality TV programming
Fred Phelps: Orange Day-Glo paint, toilet paper, 50 boxes of baking soda, spray starch, an agitated raccoon, Jeff Stryker full-body silicon replica, sturdy nylon rope, and a tall building. Oh, and a webcam.
Who: No one has, yet, crossed me badly enough to justify this.
Where: Somewhere in the Alaskan wilderness.
Tools: Adequate supply of sturdy rope, a sharp knife, handheld propane torch, needle nose pliers, ballpeen hammer, 2lb sledge hammer and concrete nails, bench vice (mounted to the tree said asshole is tied too) and several feet of 14gauge steel wire.
Jack Chick: room in a sleazy by-the-hour motel, a solid gold Bible, a 22" long, 6" diameter barbed-wire encrusted dildo, a high speed internet connection, an HDTV-quality webcam, and a gallon of honey mustard.
Osama bin Laden - abandoned cabin in deep woods with: duct tape, cordless electric drill, Hazmat suit (wouldn’t want any of that evil blood on me), then come back a week later with gasoline and a book of matches.
