Share your stories of when your eyes saw one thing, but your brain saw something completely different.
Last night I was in my philosophy class. At the end, the tutor gave us the weekly handout. One of the students asked “Why does it say ‘1 a.m.’? Is that when they wrote it or something?” Another student looked at it and also noticed that it said “1 a.m.” Apparently the tutor thought it said that too. I took a look, and remembering that this was a class in philosophy, realized that it said “I AM.”
I once saw a newspaper article titled: “Tiny Shrink Will Switch Computers”, and I was totally fascinated. Are there computers that are better suited for diminutive psychiatrists? I couldn’t wait to read about the reasoning.
Turns out, “Tiny Switch Will Shrink Computers”. Transistor engineering. Meh.
When I was a larval tadpole, I was a great fan of Highlights for Children magazine.
When I first saw the Goofus and Gallant feature, I saw the title as “Galloofus and Gallant”, which I poetically pronounced as “ga-LOOF-us and ga-LANT” (rhymes with plant).
If Goofus were posting on SDMB, he wouldn’t long survive the “Don’t be a jerk” rule.
To this day, I still remember this poetry from Highlights:
A skunk sat on a stump.
The skunk thunk the stump stunk.
The stump thunk the skunk stunk.
I had a similar one at school, when our English teacher was away, and the substitute asked us all what the note about writing ‘Bems’ was supposed to mean. None of us had any idea what she was talking about, and nearly got away with just messing about all class, when she finally realised (after a full 15 minutes) that the word was ‘poems’…
Ah, Highlights for Children. The very first issue I saw had a picture of a dolphin on it, and I read the subheading as “Fun With a Porpoise.” It took me a long time - probably years - of wondering why they kept that same subheading to finally figure out that it said “Fun With a Purpose.”
Went into English class after lunch. The instructor had “commas” written on the blackboard. I was wondering why the heck we were going to learn about “comas”…
I was editing text at work, and read “Pending event” as “Peeing event.” It was text for our specimen software, so in a weird sort of way it kinda made sense…
Anyway, at my father’s funeral I looked over to see a pamplet on display by the funeral home that appeared to say “How to Protect Your Asses while Grieving”. Turned out to be “Assets”. Who could have guessed?
One advantage of having your eyes go bad in middle age is all the amusing misreadings. Like seeing “Spring Bank Holiday” on a calendar as “Sperm Bank Holiday”. I think I now understand some of how John Lennon got his In His Own Write/A Spaniard in the Works writing style.
The most recent one was about ten minutes ago right here – I read the thread title “Does Your Monitor Have Trouble Displaying This Image?” as “Does Your Mother Have Trouble Displaying This Image?”.
As a kid, I was, like seemingly every other Doper, smart. I was an advanced reader, and I knew it. I wasn’t a snot about it or anything, usually, but I knew I was smart. In second grade, we had an in-class reading circle - we’d all sit in a circle, and each student would take a turn in the middle of the circle, reading a paragraph or a page out loud while the others read along silently. At some point, as the story being told progressed, the kid in the center was reading out loud about a situation in which a father was buying a puppy for his son. The reader spoke something like “…and so Daddy reached into his pocket for his billfold.” Being such an advanced reader, I caught his mistake. In the otherwise silent room, I snorted and laughed, and said “It says ‘blindfold!’”
Well, the book did NOT, in fact, say “blindfold.” Of course it didn’t. What fucking sense would that have made? But I’d never heard or seen the word “billfold,” and I just assumed, I guess. I even remember the picture in my head of Daddy wrapping up the puppy in a bandanna or something that you’d use as a blindfold. Why, oh why did I pick this specific moment to act completely differently than usual? I always, always shy away from attention, and virtually never talked in class, except for this one, spectacular failure.
So I was in this dollar store, once, and there was one of those little island kiosks, and I swear to god it was just boxes and boxes of ‘‘FANCY-ASS COOKIES.’’ I was all, whaaaat?
Then I moved closer and saw the sign was blocking the full title - Fancy Assorted Cookies.
A sign posted outside a private office/room at our headquarters:
I read “Relaxation Room”. I was counting my blessings that we have such a progressive company and let myself in and dozed off in the nice comfy chair. I woke up to an angry looking woman who asked me why I was in the Lactation Room.
