My big sis: I’m nonplused, because you’ve been very sparing in sending me forwarded email crap, just the occasional lowbrow joke, which I am still surprised to find out that you found humorous, but today, today…the anti-illegal-immigrant bad analogy written by someone with an IQ about forty points below yours…I just don’t know how to respond, especially since you know full well how I feel about the issue.
Just please don’t send me anymore.
I imagine that the non-German-speaking minority of Swiss have similar feelings about that.
I know you can restrict your results to one or more languages, and as far as I can tell the settings remain in place–at least for me they do.
I pit NYyou’d better have at least 16 hours of sleep immediately available to youQUIL. Yes, you do, almost instantaneously, cure the wretched symptoms of my flu-like illness. However, you leave me in such a state of incapacitation I have no will or desire to do anything but sleep. It is an epic struggle merely keeping my eyes open. In fact, I really need to kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Ours, much of the time. A white-knuckle, bumper-to-bumper 55 MPH thrill ride, until it gets really crowded. But that’s a whole other rant.
My contribution:
Dear New York, Michigan, Ohio, Canada, and other cold, unpleasant places:
Please recall your senior citizens. I understand that this time of year is particularly arduous for those who live in the Snow Belt, but I do not feel it fair for you to ship your old people down here for winter storage. I admit that our #1 industry is tourism and that this keeps us from having an income tax, but at the same time, GODDAMNIT I JUST WANT TO GET TO WORK and it is difficult when the idiot in front of me with the Ontario plates doesn’t understand that the speed limit is expressed in MPH, not km/h. To those who come in to my store and bitch and moan about how there’s no tax on newspapers back in Maryland or how in stores up north people know how to act or how in Michigan you’d never be able to charge this much for mushrooms: Shut up. You’re not UP NORTH; you’re in FLORIDA. This is a separate state, with its own laws and customs, and we like it just fine and do not care about how you do it back home.
This time of year is difficult for us coastal Floridians, because from New Year’s til Easter, our populations seem to double while the infrastructure remains the same. On top of that, many of those who come down express surprise that those of us who live here actually do have to work for a living – that we’re not all on vacation all the time – and that we don’t all just laze about on the beach all day sipping drinks with umbrellas in them. It’s damned annoying.
And after Easter, when the snowbirds go home, starts the tourism season with its parade of Mom, Dad, 2.5 kids, and rental cars that have no idea where they’re going.
I can’t wait for September.
Little old ladies on my shit list:
Little old lady #1: The checkout line at the craft store was ridiculously long, and only one register open. Now, I am of the opinion that a long line is not that big a deal - sometimes stores just don’t staff adequately, and craft goodies are rarely a time-sensitive emergency purchase, so if it’s a longish line, just suck it up and wait your turn. But it WAS a long line, and people were starting to get antsy. They called for register backup, but it did not seem to be readily forthcoming. When the second cashier came up to the front of the store, and the little old lady with the shopping cart cut across the middle of the long line of waiting customers, shouted “are you opening?” and then zoomed into the new line upon receiving an affirmative answer, it is quite understandable that people began muttering under their breath. I am the non-muttering type, so I said, quite loudly, “Excuse me?? There are quite a lot of people here who were waiting awhile to check out before you.” I was ignored, though several other people became non-muttering types themselves. So, little old lady, I hope your craft project is intended to be a gift and that it falls apart instantly in the hands of the recipient. And I hope you have to stand in a very long line for something very soon.
Little old lady #2: My brother has been doing work around your house for the better part of six months now. He has painted, removed wallpaper, re-wired rooms, fixed plumbing, replaced your bathroom, and, in between actual jobs for which you hired him, he has shoveled you driveway when it has snowed, hung pictures for you, and done myriad little “extra” jobs, because he’s a nice guy, and because he needs the money. He has given you a tremendously fair price for what you’ve hired him to do, and done a lot of these little side favors free of charge. Yes - he is on parole. We understand that that makes you a little uncomfortable, but you did know that when you hired him. He has been nothing but responsible and trustworthy with regards to you, and you have no reason not to trust him. It’s Valentine’s Day week, and he would like to see his wife, who lives several states away. Your sudden refusal to pay him for the work he has done so far, because you “don’t trust him to come back and fiinish it” after he takes a few days off, is just mean, and an abuse of your authority over him. But don’t worry. Now that you’ve refused to pay him, he can’t afford to bring his wife up here for the weekend, so he’ll be at your house finishing the job.
I wish my rush hour traffic moved that fast.
I should clarify. Our roads, (especially this time of year (and especially the highways)) are always overcrowded, except late / overnight, and often even then. During our “rush” hours, they are in fact at a dead standstill quite often, but the rest of the time it’s very crowded and moving quickly – dangerously so.
My rant:
I wish the alumni who can no longer tell their assholes from their elbows would STFU and quit flooding my fucking inbox.
WHAT?! you want to change the band’s casual uniforms?! But then they won’t match alums who come back! you’ll look like hobos! you’ll forget tradition! you’ll start wearing green and change the mascot to the hornets!! (our rivals are the hornets, in green, CSU Sacramento)
First, you know who you are, you’ve sent 20 emails on the topic and only demonstrated that YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT OUR CURRENT UNIFORMS LOOK LIKE SINCE YOU HAVENT SEEN THE BAND IN 20 YEARS AND ITS CHANGED TWICE SINCE THEN. Alumni already don’t match the current band, if you truly think that 10 years out of school you’ll blend into a bunch of students, you’re delusional anyway.
the alumni all wear what they wore when they were in band, so they don’t even match EACH OTHER. why should we stay the same to match them, when they don’t match amongst themselves?! besides, the men’s dress shirts tied at the waist ARE outdated; its not the 1980’s anymore. Quit trying to tell us that its “timeless”; you don’t dress like that yourself, and you damn well know you’d look like an idiot who fell out of '86 if you did.
Dear knucklehead IceHogs fans at last night’s Rockford -Muskegon Fury hockey game…I get that you’re unhappy with the co-owners’ decision to sell the team for the purpose of getting an American Hockey League team into Rockford. If you want to call him a liar and yell at him to your heart’s content AFTER he’s done singing the national anthem, be my guest, as I believe in free speech, but to boo, throw plastic bottles, and call him a liar WHILE he’s singing is uncalled for. I don’t know what to say other than because of the actions of a few dumbasses, fans around the league (UHL) can now say Rockford fans are classless, and be able to point to last night’s incident as proof. Thanks a lot, idiots!
In the classifieds in my local paper today are ads for: cock-a-poos, puggles, goldendoodles, labradoodles, papillohuahuas, pomapoos, snoodles, schnoodles and puggermans.
The designer mutts are starting to outnumber the recognized breeds.
Somebody is actually advertising labradoodles for $850 each, and there are idjits that will pay it.
Now, mutts are fine and dandy - good, loyal, intelligent, healthy, talented, skilled at playing piano and tending bar. I might adopt one from the pound once our two geriatric beasts have stopped racking up vet bills and passed to the great Poopatorium in the sky.
But stop pretending there’s something wonderfully special about your backyard experiments in dog breeding and charging premium prices for your Heinz 57s with their oh-so-cutesy names. And buyers - stop encouraging this promiscuous breeding and get yourself a nice pound dog.
*Since you ask, “puggermans” (New Breed!) are a pug-mini-pin mix. Presumably these dogs will snuffle endearingly while they bite your ankles.
About 20 years ago, I saw a news item where the phone company was considering sellling advertising space in the silence between rings of the phone when you call someone. You would dial a number, and the machine that makes a ringing sound in your ear to let you know you’ve connected would have been interspersed with 1-2 second ads.
Glad that one died quick death.
To the twat who threw the beer bottle at the night club. Nice one jack ass. That thing hit my head. If I had been able to see who you were, I’d have broken one of your bones.
I can hear the responses now. “Ya got what on your hooha?”
And now my best Les Nesman pronunciation of this: “paw-pillow-hoo-ah-hoo-ah.” Wha?
New rant:
DivaCup,
You have awesome for the last 6 months or so. But I’m starting to question your loyalty. I don’t know if all the coughing and sneezing due to my allergies are breaking your suction or what, but you haven’t worked for shit all day. Yesterday? Fine, but I wasn’t sick as a dog either. Today? You got nothing. This is a warning: start pulling your weight around here again, or you WILL be replaced.
To my soon to be ex-ISP:
I have been a customer of yours for five years and through at least two mergers.
Now, I just want to shift to a new ISP and close out my account.
Your website says “We have a policy of phone calls if you want to cancel.” Okay, fine, I hate phones, but I’ll call up in your MST time zone to talk to the nice people in Billing.
The woman on the phone: “To cancel, you have to email or fax us.”
Me: :dubious:
“And it won’t be implemented until 30 days later.”
Me: :eek: “So, to get this straight, I’m charged for that extra month of service given that you bill in the middle of the month?”
“Oh, we’ll pro-rate it if it goes through the billing period.”
Me: :rolleyes: …I think it’s a very good thing I’m cancelling, since this is a really half-assed policy that isn’t even documented up front on their website. “Thank you very much, I’ll do that. Goodbye.”
According to this “logic,” I could advertise my dog as a German Lab or a Yellow Shepherd and make bokoo bucks. :dubious:
Tell them you won’t pay it, that you will not pay for anything beyond the date you called. I’ve had places try to pull that, and they stop once I’ve made it crystal clear that I wasn’t given them another cent beyond when my need for their services is over.
I once saw an ad for a shi-tzu/poodle mix… and what did the ad call it?
A shit-poo.
Might not be as easy as that (at least if he doesn’t want collection agencies breathing down his neck). If the terms of service that were originally agreed to stipulated that 30 days notice were required for termination, then they are perfectly entitled to charge him for 30 days after his request regardless of his “need” for the service.