Thank God It's Tiny Rants

The BBQ Pit
261

I have never mini-ranted before, but darnit, it is time!

To the upstairs neighbors of mine - Could you please be a little more considerate. I understand that you are a fuck-up, and that in the two years you’ve lived here I have taken care off all the things we are supposed to share responsibility for. I do this because otherwise, the house looks like shit. You work a lot, and I understand, but damnit, I work full time and am a full time student. I get stuff done, can’t you? Also, you work 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. I hate that you spend your entire 2 weeks at home with 7+ people in your apartment (which I’m sure wasn’t in your lease, since several are your old roommates who were kicked out because they destroyed things) and you have the audacity to complain that my dog (who was actually in my lease before you lived here) barks when you and your friends go out on the porch to smoke at 4 am. I notice you smoke inside the rest of the day, why go outside then? Oh, that’s right, fuckstick. I forgot, you need to go outside so you can throw beer bottles at the road. I was out behind the house, taking out trash, when the first few hit. I love that you throw glass bottles right behind where I park every day. Glad I drive through the alley and pull in the back…

Fuckwit manager - I go to school certain days of the week. I explained this to you when I started, and for aobut a month you were great about it. I had an hour buffer before I had to be at work to run home and eat, but now you are scheduling me at 4 when I told you since I started that I’d be at school until 6. I’m sick of being wrote up for being “late” on these days. I found a fucking person to cover for me and work the hours, and I showed up as soon as I could, and you approved the schedule change. Why the fuck do you have to write me up?

Co-workers - Please, stop calling me at home. I know it’s a hard job, really. I know you are busy and all. I mean, cooking at a small restaurant, damn - it must be difficult. Things go in the same spot everyday there. Do not call me when I’m off work to see if I know where something is. Especially if it is something as simple as garlic butter (in a fucking Italian restaurant) I imagine you can find (or make) some…

Also, Classmates - Fuck off. I am part of this group because it was assigned to me. We all were given a part to write. I wrote mine, with a book I borrowed from the library through an inter-library loan. I don’t mind letting you use it, but I gave you my paper weeks ago. I know my paper and that book are relevant to yours and you have to use them to write your component, but fuck, when I ask you a week before it is due if I can have the book back because my computer crashed and I lost my paper, why do you have to be such a bitch? You’ve refused to get me the book back, or the copy of my paper I emailed you, but you are pissed at me because “as a group, we aren’t done” Fuck off. I would’ve been done a week ago instead of the day before it is due but you wouldn’t help me out at all, and now you want me to give your part of the presentation because you can’t attend that day. You’ve only known about this presentation since the damn beginning of the quarter. You also know that it is the same time as class everyday, yet for some reason on this random tuesday out of winter quarter, you have to work no matter what? And you know this already? You just started the job two days ago. You should have told them you need that day off, and if you didn’t, your grade isn’t exactly my responsibility since you haven’t done your work so far. I’m not covering for your ass. You are a senior psych major with a minor in sociology. I am an english major. I took this soci class because I wanted to fulfill my upper-level elective stuff and this one sounded interesting. You’re here because you want to make a career in this stuff. Please, show up and do your shit…

I feel a million times better…thank you tiny rants…

Brendon

262

Very, very minor, but I want my t-shirt, dammit! I spent the week between Christmas and New Year’s at a swing dance camp southeast of Seattle, and they designed a very cool t-shirt for the event. Due to all the power outages in the Seattle area in December, the t-shirts weren’t ready to give out at the camp, but they said they’d be mailed out as soon as possible. Well, we’re into late February, and still no t-shirt! Besides the fact that I’ve already paid for it, it is, as I said, a very cool design, and I want mine!

263

Very tiny.

Hospital people, I realize the computer system is non-intuitive. I do - I’m probably better than most people in the lab at using it (we use a different system). I realize everyone is busy.

But I have to prioritize work. So if you have a specimen that has to go to the lab, and you call me to pick it up, I will ask you if it’s “Stat” or “routine”. This is not a trick question.

And then you say, “It says ‘Now’.” I realize it says Now because that’s the time you were to draw it (ie, it wasn’t timed out to be drawn later). But that still doesn’t answer my question. I understand that it’s easy to confuse “now” with “stat” especially with this computer system.

But for the love of all that’s holy, I will once again swear quietly under my breath when you say it’s “Now!”, I sigh and decide it’s STAT based on your location (and it’s better to assume sooner rather than later, really), and one of the other phlebs rushes out to pick up…

…a sputum culture.

Also, that stool culture is not “STAT” just because “it’s gross and I want it off my desk.” If I know you, and you tell me that in a friendly joking manner, I will react with good speed (taking into account the workload around the rest of the hospital). If you think you’re that entitled, I will knot your arms behind your head.

Seriously people, STAT means that the specimen must be drawn at a certain time, you need the results quickly, or the specimen has to be processed super quickly. Anything other is routine.

264

If the car doesn’t have any stickers, jesus-fishes or the like, I assume “tourist in a rental.” My Spanish coworkers in Costa Rica almost had a collective heart attack the first time I was driving and made a right on red; they didn’t really calm down until they’d verified with the locals that it was OK (I knew it because I’d seen lights with “no turn on red” and asked whether this meant that “turning right in red is legal, like in Los Estados”)

265

I despise assholes who when they are in the drive thru at fast food places, who must sit there in line after they get their food and check and taste every item in the bag, and if the fries aren’t piping hot or the burger only has two pickles, they send the food the back in, making the people behind them wait even longer. If you must do this, pull up around the front of the building and go **inside ** and voice your complaint, don’t make other people wait around behind you who could be getting their food.

266

I always check my order for completeness – if I didn’t, I would be here bitching about being shorted an order of fries or a burger. I hope you are really talking about egregious abuses where the person does cause a few minutes of delay.

They screw up the order about a third of the time, and it isn’t nearly as frustrating if I can simply knock on the glass and ask for the missing item.

However, I agree that in-depth taste tests and so forth are things best left for the spot two car lengths beyond the window.

267

Definitely meant egregious abuses- if they give you your food but not your drink, I would defintiely wait there in line at the window until I got it. But I personally know people who unwrap three burgers, check for all condiments, taste the fries, sip the drink, and only then leave the line. If it takes more than a few moments, pull around front, and go inside to complain if ncessary. For example with me at Taco Bell, if I order three items, I feel the bag for three items, then exit the line.

I only used the word asshole becasue this is the pit, and I thought it ws a requirement. :slight_smile:

268

To the fucktard that brings mail to my apartment complex: If “Leave in office if not at home” is too complex for you to understand, I’m sure there’s somebody at the post office who could explain to you what it means. It does NOT mean "Make us pick up this package at the post office if we’re not in when you try to deliver it!

Our post office sucks. There’s not enough parking, and the lines are always ungodly long.

Stupid shoulders. Just because I’m stressed about Mr. Neville looking for a professorship in astronomy, and stressed because I know I’m going to be moving and looking for a job but don’t know where, doesn’t mean I need you to tighten up on me to the point where I hurt. This is NOT helping, you know…

269

Same co-worker: She often asks other employees to do things that are actually her responsibility. I’ve noticed that whenever she’s about to make some really outrageous request, she prefaces it with the phrase, “Would you do me a flavor?”

Some days, it’s a marvel to me that I allow her to go on living.

270

Oh, Beetle, I’m so sorry! Is her name Inez by any chance? Laura? She used to be in my class in college. It took most of the guys in our class a few months to figure her out, but in the 3rd year she managed to work her “snake charms” on one of the male TAs. My right-hand neighbor (male) ended up going to the other male TA and asking him “can you tell that idiot he’s looking like a moron? I would, but he’s a teacher!” The Bear had a Quiet Conversation with the idiot in question, who from that point on would look sheepish and say “that’s not my job, it’s yours” whenever she tried again.

(I had those two as my “partners” for Algebra/FORTRAN lab in 4th year… ugh!)

271

Nava, one of her best (worst?) ones was when she tried to get another girl in our office to call and make a hair appointment for her because she was “scared to talk to people on the phone.” The kicker: She’s our customer service representative!

272

I think the proper response to that request is, “I’ll get right on it.” and promptly forget you ever talked to her. If she asks when her appointment is, look at her blankly and say, “What appointment?”
“The hair appointment you were supposed to make for me.”
“Oh, that. I’ll get right on it.” and continue until she gets tired of it.

273

We went with, “Are you nuts?”

274

^^^Well, that would work too. :smiley:

275

Fuck my postman.

I’m home all day so I know that when you leave those Could Not Deliver cards you are lying. But whatever, the post office is just 15 minutes away and I don’t mind going to collect the parcel. It’s when you just leave it on the communal mailbox for anyone in the building to take that I start thinking that maybe you should do your goddamn job and deliver my mail.

I’ve been expecting some books from eBay. Auction ended on the 7th, payment was made on the 7th, the books were mailed around the 11th. I do my usual thing and wait for my Could Not Deliver card. Tra la la la la. Today is the 23rd and I think to myself “huh. I’d better email the seller to check when she mailed the books” when today I get a Final Notice (dated the 21st :rolleyes: ). The Final Notice is supposed to come after the Could Not Deliver Notice which I never got because you are an incompetent, lying piece of shit.

I hope that (on the apparently rare occasion that you actually, oh I don’t know … deliver the fucking mail) you go to someone’s house and get your leg humped by FiFi La Roo Poo the tutu-wearing chihuahua.

276

Clearly all of Maryland’s problems have been solved, because a state legislator has found time to draft a bill banning the trailer-hitch display of plastic cojones.

Personally I think they’re pretty crass and stupid, but if this law were passed (and I lived near MD), I’d have to buy the biggest, fattest, gold-toned pair I could find to dangle off the back of my Elantra as an act of civil disobedience.

277

Yes, because asstards advertising for all to see how juvenile they are is a much more critical driving issue than all the dark-tinted glass being used in vehicles (even on front windshields), and, oh, I don’t know, EMISSIONS CONTROLS FOR VEHICLES? It wouldn’t make a difference here what laws are passed for vehicles since there is no enforcement, anyway.