As I finished at the register, the person ringing me up said, “Thank you,” ostensibly thanking me for chosing to shop at their store.
At the exact same time, I said “Thank you” to him, thanking him for providing me with the products I wanted at a price I found acceptable and for taking the time to ring up my sale in a pleasant, professional manner.
Neither one of us said, “You’re welcome.”
What gives? What’s the protocol here? How can it be acceptable for two people to thank each other without either one saying, “You’re welcome”?
I think that “Thank you” in this case is merely a gesture of curtosy and not some heartfelt emotion of profound gratitude.
Let’s be honest here. You’re not thanking him because of the layout of the store, the ease of shopping or the reasonableness of prices. At most, you’re thanking him for a good job of checking you out (no…your food items).
He could care less if you shop there. He doesn’t get paid based on the number of items you buy and could care less if you shopped there or not. He’s thanking you either because he was instructed to or it’s just the nice thing to do.
I don’t think either reason deserves a “You’re welcome.” I also think that saying “Thank you” expecting a “You’re welcome” defeats the purpose of saying it in the first place.
The “You’re welcome” is quite secondary on the politeness scale. A “Thanks you” may be appropriately and sufficiently acknowledged with a polite nod, a smile or (when appropriate) a friendly wink. In your case, your “Thank you” was acknowledged by the clerk’s “Thank you” and my be interpreted as a “You are welcome”.
In short, it’s the “Thank you” that is far more important in a polite society. Though a “You’re welcome” is very pleasant to hear.
However, I’ve often used “You’re welcome!” as an educational tool for those lacking common courtesy skills. Permit me to illustrate:
Entering or exiting my office building I often will hold the door for someone who gets there at (roughly) the same time as I. Particularly if they are going in the opposite direction. I pay special attention to this if it’s a woman, especially if she is with children in tow.
Roughly 50% of the time the person for whom I’ve just held the door (male/female, doesn’t much matter) neglects to say “Thank you”. To this they get a hardy “You’re Welcome!” as they pass me and the appropriate timing of the expected verbal response on their part to my polite gesture has long ago elapsed. Nine and a half times out of ten, I get the half hearted, mumbled “Thanks”. In a way, the late and forced “Thank you” makes my day more than the appropriately timed one. At least I feel like I’ve educated someone (though temporarily) about his/her lack of social niceties which, when used correctly, make the world such a better place (IMHO).
Now if I could only teach most drivers to politely acknowledge the fact that I’ve just let them in front of me despite the fact that they clearly did not signal their intentions and should fully expect to sit in the wrong lane of traffic until they use the “Please let me merge” turn signal indicator .
When I used to work in a small local grocery store, I would almost always say “Thank you” to the customer. When I shop, I usually say “Thanks” to the clerk.
I agree with Enderw23 that a “You’re welcome” is not required in either case (unless some service above and beyond was performed). Most of the time, the thank you is merely a polite formality, but one that is sadly lacking many times. I’m like QuickSilver, except that lacking QuickSilver’s courage, I usually mutter “You’re welcome” under my breath.
It’s a bit of a game for me so I pay special attention to people when this happens - I can tell even the shyest people who acknowledge the gesture with a nod. It’s the ones that would just as soon look as walk through you that I enjoy tormenting. They’re the onese that get my most sarcastic grimmace and hardy “YOOOOU’RE Welcome!” I particularly like it when it’s a busy time and there’s other around to hear. It’s amazing how sometimes everyone around sharpens up and suddenly remembers their manners. Some people even share a chuckle with me if they catch on to my game.
I have always thought of the second thank you as taking place instead of the “your welcome”. If the clerk says “thank you” and you say your welcome it would make it seem that you have done something for the clerk and he has done nothing for you. Saying “thank you” back to the clerk kind of puts you on the same level as him.
My dad and I have this running joke about these situations… we laugh that the customer and the clerk will soon start trying to outdo each other with the "thank you"s: “Hey, thanks!” “Thank you!” “Oh, no, thank you!” “No, thank you!!”
What ever happened to “goodbye” or “bye” when leaving shops? People just seem to say “thank you” and leave (at least in New York). Or is that just another New York oddity?
TheThill, my hubby goes one better. He’ll say not “Bye,” but a cheery “See you later!” He will say this even after buying gas in Buttmunch, Idaho, when we’re just driving through and would have no earthly reason to be caught dead within one hundred miles of the place ever again.
I have pointed out to him how silly this is, and he agrees, but the verbal tic stays with him. It’s almost as bad as when you’ve been chatting with the clerk about your plans and he/she says, “Well, have fun at the birthday party [or whatever]!” and you say, “You too!” <smack self on forehead>
I can’t find a Great Debate in here. In fact, the only debate right now is in my mind as to whether to send this to IMHO or MPSIMS. It seems to be somewhat of an opinion issue, so I’ve decided to send it to IMHO.
I once held the door open for a woman. I wasn’t even really paying attention to her presence, it was mostly an automatic courtesy. I was going through the door ahead of her, I knew someone was close behind me so I held it.
She said “thank you” and I barely even registered it (in a reversed situation I would have said “thank you” and barely even realized I had). I didn’t respond.
She spent 14 floors chewing me out on the elevator for not saying “you’re welcome”.
This was in my apartment building. A couple of weeks later the same thing happened but I was aware enough to realize that it was her, so I didn’t hold the door. She spent 14 floors chewing me out for not holding the door. I was really annoyed by this point so I pushed all the buttons between my floor and hers (20). We never used the elevator at the same time again.
what is wrong with that picture???
i am usually surprised when soneone holds the door open for me, and i do say “thank you” for that. i would not imagine shouting at someone who had just held open a door for me, because it is an unexpected gesture of consideration.
i do not know which is worse, not expecting the door to be held for me, or for me to shout at the person holding the door for me.
