I only wish I had been there at work to answer the phone. But I wasn’t, and my co-worker Betsy did, giving the standard “thank you for calling ::Insert Store Name Here::, this is Betsy, how may I help you?” A lot of customers we don’t know feel compelled to call us by name at this point, so Betsy didn’t assume this was anyone we know. The man on the phone said, “Betsy, I have decided to become a woman”. Betsy sort of stammered out something along the lines of “well, thanks for the information” and the caller hung up.
Of course NOW, we all came up with much better responses that still support the company’s mission, like "That’s great! And we can personalize a gift for you with your new name! or “We have a great selection of gifts that will be perfect to thank your surgical team with” or “Our hinged, double 5x7 frame in solid brass will be perfect for your ‘then and now’ portraits”!
If he calls back, we’re definitely ready now! What would your place of business have to offer? Since he’s apparently making random announcement calls, it pays to be prepared…he could be calling you soon!
I wasn’t at a place of business, but the GLBT organization at Uni. Wisc. in Milwaukee when I got a great call.
This guy calls and demands to know how Lesbians had gotten ahold of Star Wars technology. After a couple moments of questioning him, I found that he believed that Lesbians (which ones, I don’t know. Maybe there’s some stealthy Cabal of them) had gotten control of the orbiting space platforms by hacking into the computers and gained control of the super-powerful lasers there. He was calling, demanding to know how this happened.
I explained that he’d heard wrong and that his information was incorrect. I explained we’re just a student organization on campus and didn’t know anything about that.
Amazingly, he called back about a month later. This time, I was ready for him. When he started ranting about the Lesbians and Star Wars again, I explained that, yes, it was all true. Then I said “Sir, are you near a window?”
“Yes, I am.” he said.
“Good. Would you go over to the window and look right outside it” I replied.
“Okay, I’m doing that.” he said.
“Good. We have you in our sights. Now kiss your ass goodbye!” I said as I slammed down the receiver. We never heard from him again.
This reminds me of underwear guy. Underwear guy is…a guy who lives in the capitol district area of NY. His mission in life: Call all the fraternities and sororities at the surronding schools and…well…talk about his underwear. He usually starts off by saying how good is underwear smells, or that is is on his head, or his roommates head, or something to that effect. Sometimes we get into conversations with him, put him on speakerphone, etc…We got him to bark like a dog before. He’s actually kinda funny sometimes, and if we don’t feel like talking to him we simply tell him that and he won’t call back until the next time he does his round of calls…very nice guy.
I work for the State of Oregon Workers’ Compensation Board. I’m afraid that, if Mr. Sex Change called with his announcement, I’d have to inform him that, unless his genitals were lost in a work related accident (not completely outside the realm of possibility), his surgery likely will not be covered by his workers’ comp. carrier. However, the issue of whether the proposed surgery is a reasonable and necessary treatment for the accepted condition is really in the Workers’ Comp. Director’s jurisdiction, not the Board’s.
Geez, even when I’m trying to be funny, my job is boring
This thread reminds me of Mr. Rockafeller. I was working at a call center and on this particular day I had the job of handling irate calls, other wise known as taking the angry chair. The billing rep called me up and told me that a)Mr. Rockafeller demanded to speak to a supervisor and b) the man was totally nuts. I brought up the record for his account and there were between 60 and 70 notes of calls he had made in the last month. The last record in the notes was from a VP of another one of our call centers. Getting a VP of the call center on the phone was just about impossible. Anyway I read the note left by the VP and I still remember it verbatum today. Here’s the best part-
“At this point Mr. Rockafeller that I would not take abusive launguage. Mr Rockafeller responded with ‘You’ll bend over, take it and like it you bitch’. I then disconnect the call.”
At this point I figured this was going to be an interesting call and hit the button on the phone to have it recorded. Mr. Rockafeller came on the phone screaming immediately. The issue was that his account was canceled for non-payment. Mr. Rockafeller claimed he sent in the check and wanted his account turned back on. We hadn’t recieved the check and so we couldn’t do anything. I explained to Mr. Rockafeller that if he faxed in a copy of his cleared check we could resolve the problem. Mr. Rockafeller didn’t like that idea and started screaming “I sent it in! I sent the #%^&%#%^#%^#%^ CHECK!!! Talk to Ricardo!!! He was there!!! Here’s RICARDO!!!”
At this point there was 57 seconds of silence. (We timed it from the recording later) Mr. Rockafeller came back on the phone and said “See, Ricardo told you I sent in the check!”. I explained that even though I believed Ricardo it still didn’t solve the problem. Mr. Rockafeller hung up.
We then banned Mr. Rockafeller for life for abusing call center employees. I got to leave a note in his record that said “If Mr. Rockafeller calls politely inform him that we do not want his buisness and disconnect the call.”
When I was in college, some horny coward started calling me regularly and doing the heavy-breathing thing. It didn’t unnerve me but rather just annoyed me…dammit, here I thought someone interesting was making the call.
It all ended when horny coward boy called and developed the nerve to speak. In a harsh whisper: “Ruffian…what are you wearing?” Me: “Excuse me?” “What you you wearing?” Me: “Look, you’ll get no thrills from me. If you want to get off, then just go get a magazine like everyone else and go to some woods somewhere to jerk off…” He hung up then, dammit. Just when I was starting to have fun.
Never heard from him again. I did find it curious that he knew my name, though. I still wonder who horny loser boy was.
