Thank you, Mr. Bin Laden.

The BBQ Pit
1

(My very first Pit rant, and maybe not as coherent as it might be, but it’s from the heart.)

An open letter to Osama Bin Laden:

Dear pigfucker,

As an American, I wish to offer my sincere thanks for your comments today.

You see, I am a somewhat fearful and paranoid person by nature, and after hearing our intelligence organizations’ warnings of further terrorist attacks, I was starting to get seriously scared. I was already getting used to the familiar feeling of dread that followed me everywhere in the first few days after September 11.

You, however, managed to change all that with your comments here.

For anyone who doesn’t want to read the link, here’s the relevant bit:

As an American, I’d like to take this opportunity to offer up a big hearty FUCK THAT.

Thank you very much, Mr. Bin Laden. For one thing, if I was ever tempted to think you were anything more than a bully, that you had any valid motivation other than sheer hatefulness and evil, those doubts are gone now. I mean, you sound like freakin’ Darth Vader there, except not nearly as stylish.

Second and more importantly, that was the one thing that managed to shake me out of my fear. Oh, I’m still scared, but I swear right now I will not dwell on my fear and I will not allow it to control me. Yeah, it’ll be hard. But if you’re counting on Americans not being willing to do things that are hard, you’ve got some surprises ahead.

I’d always thought of myself as something of a coward. I thought that if war came – serious, WWII-type just war – even if I felt it was my moral duty to go and fight, I wouldn’t be able to do it. And I felt guilty about that. Well, today I know it’s not true. I could do it. Not out of bloodlust and not because I’m any less scared, but if I thought it were necessary I could make myself do it. I’m sure I’d make a miserable excuse for a soldier, but the point is I wouldn’t run.

I’m suddenly pissed off about the Emmys being cancelled. Not because I still care about whether my boyfriend Brad Whitford gets the recognition he deserves, but because this is what you wanted. You wanted us scared, you wanted our lives disrupted. The Emmys were an absolutely perfect way to say “fuck you” to you and your thugs. To revel in our stupid little silly frivolous decadent Western bullshit way of life and throw it in your face. To say we will not cower in fear, we will get up and carry on even if it’s the hardest thing in the world for us to do.

Well, I can’t do anything about that, so I won’t worry about it. But for now, I’ll be here studying for my degree, eating bacon, walking around without a veil, listening to secular music and worshiping God in my own fashion, and appreciating the hell out of every minute of it. And I’m not going to let fear of a coward like you distract me from that for a second.

Don’t tread on me.

Sincerely yours,

An American

2

Well, Mr. Bin Laden’s beardhair has gotten a lot whiter in since we saw him last…
Stress related? I think now he has a lot more to fear than any of us…

3

Good for you. We shouldn’t let fear overcome us, and not because that’s what the terrorists want, but because we should as human beings continue on with our lives and support a government that does not condone evil through hypocrisy (for the most part). I would recommend however that you try to restrain your anger: if you feel that we have the right to strike back due to revenge for the WTC then you fall into the same trap as the terrorists. All offense in our situation should be based on the principle of defense, as ironic as that may sound.

4

To be honest, I didn’t expect anything BUT the kind of statement ObL made. Terrorism is every bit as much about keeping people psychologically off-balance and wondering when and from where the next attack will come as it is about causing wanton destruction.

There will doubtless be many more of these statements - some of which will be backed up by action. One advantage that ObL has in never claiming responsibility for the attacks he perpetrates is that whenever there is any kind of unexpected violent incident, the suspicion is there that it might just be another terrorist attack - witness last week.

5

When it comes to Osama bin Laden, the only thing I fear is how many cans of whup-ass we’re going to have to open to make sure he gets drilled correctly. Thank goodness we’ve got a couple of truckloads parked out back for this event. He better fear ever running into me during his, what is hoped will be, very short remaining lifetime.

6

Beautiful!

I expected pretty much what he said, too. But, I admit, that bit that you quoted pissed me off as well. But keep in mind that the rat fucker recorded that tape before the attacks. He was talking out of ass then and he’s hiding in a cave somewhere, talking out of his ass now.

I had to laugh. That just did it for me. Thanks!

7

Heh, I don’t think ObL is talking out of his ass.

That said, I am certainly glad you decided to get past your fear and give him a hearty “fuck you”

Erek

8

I think Chris Rock said it the best…
“you know a man is crazy if he thinks GOD ** * NEEDS** * his help.”

9

Good letter.

Wasn’t it the bean counters (tax men) who brought Al Capone down? Maybe the same will happen here – the money trail sniffers may do the job.

10

I was going to say something rude about goats right here. But I won’t.

11

I saw his little pre-taped diatrabe, which some talking head introduced as “chilling.” Chilling? It didn’t chill me. “Now that these two capitalist buildings have fallen, the whole American economy is going to crumble.” Um, no, probably not. Seeing as how we are not merely two buildings or 6000 people, mourn for them as we may.

I thought the whole thing was pretty pathetic, actually. Him sitting in his dirty little cave, issuing dire threats to a foe he cannot even meet, much less defeat.

There may well be other terrorist attacks, and we may as a nation have to get used to a modern reality where terrorism is the risk you run. But he’ll be dead and rotting in Hell long before America crumbles. And that’s just a fact, Jack.

12

Is there any greater scent on the message boards than barbecued Bin Laden?

He is like a little kid that hates lions so he plucks the eyelash of a lion cub, thinking that it makes him stronger. Little does he know that the pride will be the very thing that kills him (pun intended).

13

…FOR FUCKING ANTHRAX IN MY HOME STATE!!! Bones, give me a hypo OK, I’m GETTing beTTer noW. There. I am calmer. Seriously, anyone want a brand new house in Orlando? Hardly used. One owner. Spanking new tile and blinds. Only a slight chance of biological weapons contamination.

FYI, dopers the Japanese bio. weapon experiments(Unit 731) still cause occasional outbreaks of anthrax or the plague in China.

14

My brother-in-law and I watched his comments on the news. When he said that about us being full of fear, he turned to me and said, “You full of fear?” I replied, “Mmmm…more hungry, really.”

15

Just wondering if you’d have to disclose that when you sell the joint.

16

After the pissed off period passed, I felt helpless…I could donate blood, but I couldn’t fight back. I also found that I look at airplanes differently…You look up and go “is that heading the right way? Is it too low?”
A friend linked me to http://www.hijacknomore.com, I doubt a terrorist is surfing sites like that, but I felt good signing up…who knows, maybe I’ll be in a position to actually do some good one day.