Thanks a lot, oxfucker

The BBQ Pit
1

Listen. It’s clear that I don’t think that I’m the greatest, most well rounded woman to walk the face of the earth. I know for sure I’m not the smartest. I’m pretty confident in the fact that I’m not the healthiest, funniest, cutest or strongest.

[chris farley] I’m not a ‘good feminist’. I don’t always ‘consider other people’s feelings’ before I open my ‘big mouth’. I eat a lot of ‘red meat’ and ‘chewy sprees’. I ‘burp’ in public, I don’t always ‘cover my mouth’ when I yawn. I ‘laugh when old women fall down’. I’m very ‘loud’. [/chris farley]

I’m just not sure what the future holds for jarbaby as she ventures forward with her married life…

But what sort of purple cameltoe stretchpants wearing, mall hair having bitchcunt cousin are you to tell me right to my ugly fat fucking face that:

“You’re going to be a terrible mother”

in front of the whole family??? In front of everyone who can see my face flush red and watch my jaw drop.

That’s really nice. And when I ask for a reason WHY I’m going to be a terrible mother, as you nervously snatch your infant child from my demon clutches…your answer:

“YOU CAN’T LAUGH OUT LOUD AROUND AN INFANT. Don’t ever laugh out loud in front of babies. Babies need quiet. You’re much too loud to be a mother. You’re going to have to calm down a lot before you bring a child in the world. Trust me.”

Trust me?

EAT ME

Hey! Dicksatchel! I had no plans of bringing a child into the world any time soon, not that it’s any of your business. I know you think that’s a real woman’s only purpose in life, but I’ll tell ya, I got other things to do.

Oh, and by the by, how does having a six week old infant make you the be all end all expert on who’s a good mother or not? I’m curious.

In closing: go fuck yourself, because I sure as hell don’t want you fucking your husband and popping out something ELSE that’ll turn out just like you any time soon.

jarbaby

2

She’s right jarbaby, a child should never be exposed to such things as laughter and joy, it’s just not right.

:rolleyes:

3

So I guess all of my loud profane cursing around little milliAmp isn’t good for him, huh?

4

You’re just having a bad day because of what this twatpeen said.

Her poor kid is screwed for life. He’s going to spend more time on a couch than Peggy Bundy.

Yeesh.

5

Jeez jababyj, where did the pod people grow that bitch?!?

Don’t laugh out loud around an infant? What kind of shit is that? She is an idiot, and since she felt ok in making a sweeping generalization about you based on one thing (your laugh), I will make one about her- she is a shitty mom!

A mother who won’t laugh with her child is depriving her baby of the most joyous sound it can hear. What a depressing future this child has to look forward to.

BTW stupid mallhair bitch cousin- I also eat red meat and junk food, I laugh at (and tell) offcolor jokes, I laugh hysterically when my husband takes a shot right in the package from our toddler (sorry guys, but I can’t help it- something intrinsically funny in that), I am loud, I burp, I fart, and guess what- I’m a great mom. And I am beautiful and funny and talented and… oh wait, that’s another rant…

Avoid her when you can, jarbabyj, although I hate the idea of that baby missing out on the joy that apparently only you can bring into it’s life!

6

Oh, boy.

I forsee therapy in that child’s future.

7

I dunno. My daughter loves it, loved it as a whee little infant when we would play Jurrasic Park. I’d sit her on the floor, pull my hands up and stick my ass out like I was a Tyrannosaurus Rex, then I’d pretend to sniff the air for the smell of baby girl. Once I’d located her, I’d roar my T-rex hunting cry at the top of my lungs, come lumbering over, grab her, and chew on her belly.

She would giggle hysterically.

Of course now she’s in therapy, so maybe your nasty friend has a point :wink:

8

Bitchcunt. I LOVE JARBABYJ!!! (Twatpeen was great, too, manny :D)

Some people are just petty miserable bastards (or “bitchcunts”, as you please) Sounds like the type of person that’s gonna do some emotional smothering ("I’ll hold him and pet him and love him and call him “George”.)
I’d offer you some brackets around your name as a token of support, but I know you’re thickskinned enough not to need 'em.

9

Oh yes, let’s take teh most important developmental time of a baby’s brain and make sure it doesn’t get any stimuli. there’s some great parenting.

Not that you should take the tyke to a rock concert or anything, but not laugh?

I could understand saying you would be a terrible mother if you were serving barbequed baby fingers for the memorial Day picnic, but laughing?

She needs to hook up with a lady I used to baby sit for who wouldn’t let her daughter (4 years old) walk up or down stairs by herself.

10

What a fucking idiot. I played with my kids constantly when they were quite small ( I stayed home with them), and I was always cracking them up with faces or pratfalls or other singularly comedic behavior (to a toddler) :wink:

No laughter??? I really feel sorry for the kids and the mother - if this is what she seems to think, she is in deep trouble…it sounds like something out of a bad Dickens tale.
(non Pit hijack)
jarbabyj, you’ll make a wonderful mother, kids need people who are full of life and happiness and confidence around them, it is what they see in early years that they will emulate.
(/hijack)

You tell that cameltoe biaaatch to take her fucked up Victorian ideas and stick em where the sun don’t shine!

11

Well, I’ll admit. I very often see babies and say “That baby’s so cute I could eat her up!”

Mr. Jarbaby says to keep that sort of emotionalism under my hat.

But anyway, thanks guys! I think I’m going to run right out and get pregnant this afternoon…laughing my ass off the whole time :smiley:

jarbaby

12

Now you’re getting it baby! The important thing here, I think, is for you to go out and have MORE babies than her. As they grow up, you will constantly pit your kids against hers. Your kids, of course, will need to be made to understand that second place is for losers and their cousin.
(For this, you may want to build a “laughter closet” in which to lock them when they fail.)

You musn’t tolerate failure. At every turn, you and your children must be doing better than her and hers.

Every chance you get, you must never hesitate to say, “NOW who’s a good mother, cock-knocker?!”

I think the school of thought proposed here is where that OTHER doctor is when the other 4 out of 5 are recommending kisses and hugs, but I could be wrong. :smiley:

13

jarbabyj:

Next time this idiot says something like that, ask her if she’s seen the latest Fox special – “When A Good Uterus Goes Bad.” Then ask her if she had to sign any sort of legal document before the program aired. She won’t get it, but maybe others around her will.

14

There no parenting critic in the world like a new parent who deep down inside fears she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing. This sounds like someone who will maybe read one thing on parenting and then cling to it in clawing desperation, refusing to consider any other parenting theories or styles. Looks like she’s got her hands on the child-rearing tract favored by Dickensian orphanages.

The bad news is, when you do squeeze out a puppy of your own, this is the same person who will be triumphing in your every parenting challenge. Colic? Serves you right. Temper tantrums? All your fault. Not sleeping through the night? Exactly what you deserved. Biting at daycare? What do you expect with a mother like you. This type of person will pick apart your every decision and you will always come up wanting. Not that I am one bit worried about your ability to see this for what it is, of course. I’m just predicting that this bitch isn’t going to get any better. And in the event that her kid turns out to be a gun-packing nursery school terrorist? That won’t be her fault, of course–that will be something else entirely.

But as for her allegation about laughter in front of a baby…Interestingly, there’s been research which documents that American parents are a lot more “in-your-face” loud and fun and stimulating to their little babies than parents in some other cultures, and it seems to affect the babies’ sleeping patterns. BUT–that isn’t good/bad or right/wrong–it’s just a non-judgmental fact that the norm here is that we do interact with our babies very intensely. Er, that is, we used to, before your relative there started spreading the word about how babies shouldn’t hear laughter. (rolls eyes) I guess this isn’t going anywhere, I’m just throwing it out there as random Cranky trivia.

I must add that I sincerely doubt your relative, however, is aware of this research–she’s just full of shit up to eyebrows.

15

Gun Packing Nursery School Terrorists, I think, will be the name of my next band!

Thanks Cranky!
jarbaby

16

I think everyone else has nicely handled the “you shouldn’t laugh around babies” aspect, allow me to point out the idiocy of the:

“babies need quiet”

For what? writing their thesis? Conjuring up the solution to Social Security? hells bells, have you been in a hosipital nursury?

When I saw my ‘little’ bundle of joy sleeping soundly right next to 15 screaming crying infants, as well as an additional 20 other sleeping ones, with bright lights on etc. I realized ‘this tiptoeing around sleeping babies gig is nonsense’.

Yes, their little ears are sensative, so you shouldn’t use the Richard Simmons motivational tape and headphones (no, just that, you shouldn’t use them…), but when I put Ben down for his ‘naps’ I’d vacuum, watch tv, let the phone ring etc. (and, now as my reward, he’s able to sleep through his alarm clock 4 inches from his ear - no, I’m joking).

In short, don’t scream in their ear, but don’t whisper around them either. Your, what was it cousin?, is a new mom. we were all ijiots at that point (I remember calling in the nurse when the diaper tape was stuck to his skin), and boiling everything except the cat when we got home. But by the time he was 6 months old, we were using the 5 second rule on his pacifiers.

17

Oh boy. I know that. that’s why I even hesitated with the rant in the first place. I KNOW I’m going to be an idiot. A hysterical idiot. I probably WILL be a bad mother, seeing as I get up in the middle of the night to see if my DOG is breathing…

but I just thought it would be mean to say.

So what are we saying? Singing heavy metal to infants isn’t a suitable lullaby?

jarbaby

18

jarbaby, you may be hysterical and underinformed when your baby arrives, but a “bad” mother? Absolutely not.

Bad mothers abandon their children on doorsteps and in dumpsters. Crazy moms wake the baby up checking if he’s asleep! Crazy moms (and dads) are so afraid fo the baby’s ass getting cold that they buy warmers for their baby wipes!

Quit selling yourself short with that “bad mother” crap.

As for lullabies, whatever you can sing will do just fine. After 19 months, I am a veritable encyclopedia of children’s songs and lullabies, but it wasn’t always like that. The only song I knew and felt ok singing to Zack was “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” to put him to sleep. Now, whenever we’re at a game, he gets all freaked out during the 7th inning stretch, thinking the whole crowd is trying to put him to sleep!

19

nahhh. We’re all ijiots the first few months with the first child. However, unlike your cousin, we’re not all rude motherfucking ijiots, which was the problem. Had she merely thought to herself ‘oh, no, one must only whisper around babies’, she would have saved herself the embarassment (especially since, I’m sure you’ll find a way of reminding her about this incident a few years from now when she’s hollering at her eldest to “take that diaper OFF the dog and put it BACK on the baby, NOW”)

In my experience, lousy mothers never question if they’re good mommies. (exhibit A: your nimrod cousin)

As for lullabyes etc - anything but disco :smiley:

20

If that’s true, I’ve gotta apologize to the kids I taught to sing along to ‘Juke Joint Jezebel’.