I know a guy who never says “What?”, but rather says “Twat?”. It’s hilarious how he’ll do it in class, and nobody who isn’t in on it will hear it. The best is when he does the follow-up: “I’m sorry, I just cunt finger out what you’re saying.”
Hooray for High School!!
LC
My first job was at Taco Bell. When it was slow, we’d crack each other up by saying, “Welcome to Taco Hell, how can we help you?” “Welcome to Taco Smell, can we take your order?” I think we even did it to the customers once or twice. What can I say, you get a bunch of high schoolers to work for you, pay them minumum wage, and treat them more or less like shit, you don’t get very high morale.
My BIL tells about how, when he was in the army, they realized that superior officers didn’t pay much attention to the enlistees, as long as a salute was forthcoming from the latter.
So he maintains that all the GIs on the base used to salute officers and say, “Fuck you, sir,” as they passed, and none of them ever got nailed for it.
Funny, if true.
When I was a telephone operator, late at night one New Year’s Eve, a co-worker and I decided to see if any of the drunken public would notice if we didn’t use the standard, “Operator, may I help you?” to greet them. It began as, “Alligator, may I help you?”, “Moderator, may I help you?” Then on to, “Oscillator, may I help you?”, “Conjugator, may I help you?” From there it deteriorated to “Instigator, may I help you?”, “Fornicator, may I help you?” Anything with three syllables that ended in “or” was game. The saddest part of all is that over the entire night, only one person said, “Huh, what did you say?” And, interestingly enough, that was the person who sounded the drunkest!!
PS Am I totally immature if this is my favorite thread that I’ve seen in a while? 
to the OP:
yeah, I can see that it would be funny if you did that with pals and such, but if it has gotten to the point that you say in all the time…
Bad News Baboon, the Job Interviewer:
I will be looking over your resume.
merge: thanks slut
BNB: 
(says nothing)
once merge leaves room, resume gets tossed.
I dunno, I think that it could be very rude.
If you were my coworker and you kept calling me a slut (even though I know, via this thread, you mean it in jest) yeah, that would get really old.
I’m sorry, twat did you say?
I cunt hear you, I have an ear infuction.
So what is Tes-tih-clees the Greek god of?
Ah, Testicles, the Greek god of Dangly Bits.
Then there’s the pharmaceutical name for Viagra:
Mycoxafloppin.
My mother taught me that it was:
I’m sorry, twat was that you said?
I cunt hear you very well, bare ass me again.
There is an eating establishment near me with the rather dubious name of Fuddrucker’s,
(insert your dirty little imagination here)
A person who shall remain nameless once referred to it as fckfcker’s.
When it’s early in the day, and someone greets me with “mornin’”, my response is always “horny”. Rarely does anyone notice.
That only works if you’re a cast member on EastEnders, though, doesn’t it?
Ava
This product’s real: Anusol