My dog has been a fcuken pain in the ass of late. He has gone and got himself some fleas and consequently whenever he lies on something, and then gets up again, it looks like some Italian waiter has been grinding pepper in the shape of a dog underneath him.
And my dog loves the couch, god bless 'im. You have no idea how much of a pisser it is to get home after work just to have to vacum the setee and wash the throw type rug, every bastarding day.
So I started to set traps for him. The traps were usually just piling up the couch with vacum cleaners, old newspapers, house-plants and ashtrays etc.
He musta been trained by solid snake or the SAS or something though cos even after all that I would get to my front door and when my keys started rattling in the lock I would hear a big tumbling crash of hoovers and sh*t hitting the floor. Then I would have to clean up twice as much stuff. I feel like killing the little skunk. it’s not as if he does not have his own bed piled up with quilts and pillows etc.
So I decided I had to be firm. Make a promise (or threat) and stick to it. So I after shouting at him one night I told him that if he did this again, I was going to boot his lazy no-good dog-ass up and down the stairs 12 TIMES!!.
So I come in the next day and the flea-ridden mutt is on the couch, there is actually wet patches of drool and stuff, he’s taken liberties, I will be respected in my own house, the bastard.
I have got him sussed now though, because I tie the living room door closed every day when I leave and he gets to skulk around the kitchen like the rat he is.
So I guess this is kinda a feel-good story cos I (the hero) won in the end, HURRAH!
I was also true to my promise. I kicked him up and down some stairs 12 times. I may have broke a few of his ribs but cest la vie as a French tw@ might say.
The real pity was though, that because I live in a bungalow I actually had to build my own stairs so I could kick him up and down them. It took me 4 WEEKS to build them , two wks to order and have the timber delivered and then another two weeks to actually build them in my back garden and get someone in to carpet them.
So by the time I actually started kicking him up and down them he may not have fully understood why he was being punished, but a promise is a promise.
At least my integrity is intact. Bloody dogs.
I actually have another more up-to-date story on his antics which I will probably post later , so look out for a thread here soon called " I swear that dog is taunting me from beyond his shallow grave. "
Anyone else have pet pet-peeves??