Not as well as Good Cop, Ventriloquist Cop, that’s for sure.
Their wits do seem to end rather quickly.
How weird. Did they have a swine handy for the demon to go into instead of the boy?
Sneak a speaker where they can hear it but not see it. Use a wireless transmitter to start answering them the next time.
“I will NOT leave! Not until lunch, and I want Tuna on rye!!”
“I cannot leave now, I’m taking a shit in your kid’s head”
"I’ll leave when you can spell “maleficent”
Just try to not giggle unless you follow it up with a “bwa-ha-ha-ha”
They can always claim “Entertainment Purposes Only” and then how is it different from going to Disney?
He can also install sprinklers aimed into the neighbors yard that randomly spew split-pea soup.
On their lawn they can sue me for property damage. On mine I can sue them for … demoniacal possession of vegetation?
Exactly! Can you think of a better way to get rid of a demon? 
Presumably if the kid gets sick, they’ll pray to God to heal him rather than use medical professionals. :rolleyes::smack:
Sure did the trick with Noriega.
I was at an exorcism once and ended up burning a hole in the tablecloth out of boredom. Yeah, boredom.
I think the trick is to go to a Catholic exorcism with an actual Catholic exorcist. Those always look exciting in the movies.
[SCENE - INTERIOR - INTERROGATION ROOM]
SATAN - You ain’t got nothin’ on me.
GOD slams fist onto the table making both SATAN and JESUS jump.
GOD - We’ve got enough. We know all about your sub-prime mortgages. Not to mention American Idol.
JESUS - That was clever of you putting idolatry right in the title. A clever gag. It made me laugh.
GOD glares at JESUS before continuing.
GOD - Giving that kid autism crossed the line!
SATAN - I don’t know nothin’ about autism. Isn’t that caused by immunizations or something like that?
GOD - Are you trying to be funny?
JESUS - Calm down, God. I hear you’ve got a kid of your own, Satan.
SATAN - Uh huh.
JESUS - You’ve got seven mouths to feed and how would you feel if someone had given him some autism?
SATAN - I never touch the stuff.
GOD - Maybe you should leave, Jesus. Do we keep the boils next to the locusts still?
SATAN - He can’t do that! This is A.D., not B.C.!
JESUS - He’s been around a long time and sometimes feels like going back to them. Just be happy you’re not a married gay couple with an adopted kid.
GOD - He’s gay? I bet he’ll enjoy the rubber hose then!
SATAN - I’m not gay! I corrupted fifteen virgins just yesterday!
GOD - Boys or girls?
JESUS - Stop it, God! Why don’t you go get some coffee and I’ll stay here and talk to Satan about his confession.
Hardly necessary; just knock on the door with a little basket of fruit and ask to help.
Or call the police and report noise ordinance violations.
Or, oh this one is good, call the local tabloid and report an exorcism that you think is actually working!
Wait a minute …
Why would even someone nutty enough to conduct a private exorcism (even I know that pretty much defines “bad idea”), do so with the windows open?
Could the local school play this year possibly be The Exorcist? Could a loving parent have been helping a child rehearse for an audition?
(It makes more sense than a private exorcism.)
That’s because, in the movies, the Devil fights back
j666, you now have me all confused with this talk about “private exorcisms”. Are you somehow saying that you are all cool about public exorcisms? That the problem with all this is that they are going private with theirs? I am new to all this.
In her defense, she only tried an exorcism because her e-meter was broken.
Saw an exorcism on 20:20 many years back. The Baptist (or whatever–they’re all the same to me) preacher was using the same ceremony used in The Exorcist! It was like demons only speak Latin.
This is… real? And you didn’t call the cops?
JSG, that was awesome!
Real? very much so (with no added details, except the weed killer part). What exactly would I tell the cops? That a demon is being illegally evicted without 30 days notice?