That good cop, bad cop routine...

The BBQ Pit
1

I don’t think it works on Satan.

So my neighbors decided to throw an exorcism (and had the nerve of not inviting me). It was amusing for the first 20 minutes. They had this good cop / bad cop routine where one says “Away, Satan, by the power of Jesus” and stuff like that in that soothing monotone low voice while the other says the exact same thing in unison screaming like a maniac.

If I were a demon (hold it, clowns), it would not have worked on me. I was very impressed by the whole thing. Very well done. Not the stuff you run away from.

For the first 20 minutes, at least.

After an hour, I was sick and tired of it. After three fucking hours, I was drawing pentagrams with weed killer in my lawn. Dude, can you not see it is not working?

But wait, there is more…

I will give you one chance to guess what they were trying to exorcise.

Nope, not that.

They were trying to exorcise their kid’s autism.

Sweet kid, very functional, even goes to regular school. Well, at least he was sweet and functional before seating for 3 hours of hearing how Satan is running the show in his head. “We know this is not his personality we see but your maleficent work. Away, you Satan, in the name of Jesus almighty”. I haven’t seen him since. He might be shitting his pants for life, for all I know.

But wait, there is more…

You may think ignorant people are free to try whatever they think will work in desperate times, right?

She is a fucking psychologist! The one that treats him! She married dad after he met him treating his son.

I will let you know how it goes tomorrow when the weed killer does its thing.

2

So wait – you crashed an exorcism? How rude! :wink:

3

Wait a minute…*maleficent *is an actual word???

I am crushed. Absolutely crushed. I adored Sleeping Beauty as a child (still do) and thought the name of the evil villain, Maleficent, was a supremely brilliant blending of ‘malevolent’ and ‘magnificent’.

I am going to cry into my pillow tonight.

4

I think they did it in the backyard, or something. Or he lives in an apartment with very thin walls. Plus, since science has yet to nail down the root causes of autism, hey, why not demons?

5

Sorry:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&rlz=1C1CHMI_enPR306PR306&q=define:maleficent&btnG=Search

And it happened in the house next door, but houses are close to each other and we all keep our windows open. It makes it easier to get the demons out once they percolate through the floor.

6

For quite some time, I would guesstimate.

7

Well, then you should be glad it didn’t work. Next time shut the damned window, just in case.

Other than that, I’m just flabbergasted.

8

Damn it! From the thread title, I thought this thread was going to be about picking up gals when you have a wing man. :mad:

9

You’re confusing it with Cool Cop, Awesome Cop.

10

Whacky fundie aside, if she’s a shrink who diagnoses and treats her own kid, she’s a quack. I mean, even more of a quack than the average shrink :wink:

11

I’d stay away if I were you. Everyone knows once that demon is forced out it’s looking for somewhere to go. If you’re nearby… boom. You might just catch a bad case of autism.

12

I don’t think I have any empty slots for that.

13

Sweet, how does that one work?!

takes notes

14

It’s the antonym of beneficent, like “malevolent” and “benevolent”: the prefix “mal-” is bad and the prefix “ben-” is good. Kind of like Malibu and Coke and Benibu and Coke.

15

“Hey guys, I want to to meet my friend Santo. This dude once exorcised twelve autistic demons in one night and then partied with them until the Sun came up.”

16

Serious question for anyone who might know… can Child Protective Services act on something like an exorcism for endangering the child’s well being?

17

But they’ve tried everything and they are at their wit’s end!!!

18

  1. Stand inside your own house at the window in an Grim Reaper costume and stare at their house.

  2. Leave a note on their door in red ink: you may have banished Me from your child but I’ll be back… and where you least expect Me… Then sign it, “From Hell.”

  3. Suggest they call Sarah Palin’s witch doctor.

19

Wrong lawn.

20

beneficent, beneficiary, beneficial beneficiary benefit benevolence benevolent benign

malefactor maleficent malevolence malevolent, malevolently, malefic, maleficence, malediction malefactor

There seems to be a pattern.