X is for Xerox, a machine the operation of which he will never know.
[sub]Unless of course he prays to the Greek God of Photocopying, Xeroxes 
[/sub]
Good on ya Johnny. I was wondering how X would be dealt with in this thread. Ahhhh…the creativity of Dopers never ceases to astound me.
Y is for YARRGGHHHHHHHH.
Aw, shucks! :o
Okay, I’ll finish off A to Z in the Moron Alphabet.
Z is for zero, the first digit of his IQ.
[sub]Which reminds me of somthing I say sometimes: “Dumber than that, and they die.” Seriously, he doesn’t know how to use a clearly-labeled front door key in the front door lock? Zowie![/sub]
If you want to have fun with him, how about sending him off to find some red-and-white striped paint or a left-handed hammer? Maybe a tin of dehydrated water?
The next time he asks something that is in the notes you gave him, just tell him to refer to the notes. If he comes to you again for further information, ask him what the notes said to do. Make him read it aloud to you if you have to.
Judging from your needing to explain how to wake a sleeping computer, I would say that you are truly starting from scratch. You were there once yourself. Nevermind that you were probably two years old at the time.
(Still shaking my head about this one…)
Johnny, yours didn’t make any sense! If he has an IQ of 80, then the first digit is 8. If he has an IQ of 0, then the first, last, and only digit is zero. What were you trying to say?
Also, you took three letters, and as far as I can see everyone else only took one. Moron alphabet thread hog!
Don’t worry - I’m not actually getting worked up over this.
I’m just ashamed to admit that I live in the same city as this moronic, cretinous, dimwitted, fatheaded, grievous, goofballish, hellish, idiotic, jellybrained, kick-headable, moronic (again, just for fun :D), nitwitted, oafish, shit-fer-brained, vapid, whackable, xerox-challenged dumbfuck. (The last one was mine 'cos I couldn’t include the ‘z’ category submission…sorry Johnny.
Apologies too, to anya marie, osakadave, Tuckerfan, This Years Model, Pablito, and blink178.
Have fun Leechbabe…tomorrow’s Monday and you get to do Remedial Office Skills with this guy aaaaaaaaall over again…bwhahahhhahahahhaahaaaaaa.
Sorry. I’m a pilot, and we use three digits to indicate direction. “Zero-three-zero” or “two-seven-zero”, for example. I also work with numeric fields at my (sadly, non-flying) job, so I’m used to seeing leading zeros. I’m afraid I assumed that people, who I think tend to have three-digit IQs, would know that an IQ under 100 would have a leading zero. e.g., 073 or 085.
My mistake.
Sorry about snagging the letters. I couldn’t resist.
I’m not sure that sounds like what I what I’m saying. I’m not saying that “if you couldn’t figure out that the leading zero is what I’m referring to, then you must have an IQ of under 100”. I’m just saying that it didn’t occur to me that people wouldn’t “see” the leading zero. Did that come out right? Let me try this: I’m not trying to slam anybody.
[sub]Whew! It’s been a long day.[/sub]
Yeah, I got it. I figured you were trying to add a zero to the front of a two-digit number, but it didn’t make any sense to me.
Hey, wait a second - I reread it, and it sounds like you were insulting me! Well, I think it’s just that you’re used to seeing two-digit IQ’s with a zero in front because that’s how you write yours! Take that!
Anyway, here’s a new submission for Z:
Z is for “Zip it, you fucking moron!”
You aren’t? Why’d you call him vapid then?
Well, anybody but the moron . . . 
10.55am Monday the 2nd of December
From the desk of leechbabe, CIA, Melbourne, Victoria.
He used the key to open the door!!! Woo Hoo, I’m so happy 
Of course then he had issues with computer “where’s my screen gone?”, seems he can only cope with one new concept a day. Although I had hoped to have that one down pat by now.
Luckily for me today is his last day of using the computer. From tomorrow he gets to fold paper and put it in envelopes. A task that he should be capable of.
Thank you to all the dopers who contributed to the A-Z moron alphabet
With any luck, he’ll get enough glue on his tongue and lips to render him incapable of speech for at least a day.
Yeah, because you know he’ll never figure out what that little wet bit of sponge is for.
No licking involved sadly. The envelopes are the press seal kind and we have a machine that stamps the postage on. Still he might paper cut himself to death
Ah, but that could happen to anyone! Then again, after the first couple, most of us would quit playing with the paper…
Wow. Shouldn’t this guy be in a special home or something? He sounds like the Gammas (I think) in A Brave New World. I wonder how he gets to work. I certainly hope he doesn’t have a driver’s licence.
Still, he may be useful in performing repetitive tasks that people with properly functioning brains would find boring. (What exactly is this guy’s job description?)
“I need a staple removed. Someone toss me that intern!”
- “Dilbert” by Scott Adams
To start with my boss hired Mr. Moron to update our database. After 2 days of intensive training the guy was able to look up addresses in the database and call people to confirm their details were still correct.
I honestly never thought this was a job somebody would find difficult. But it seems I was wrong. Thankfully my boss has realised his friend’s limited abilities and has given him new work to do from tomorrow onwards.
Yes he does drive a car to work, but mainly because he found the public transport system to be confusing. :rolleyes:
I have decided to not write a complaint to my boss about this because it seems Mr. Moron is so broke he can’t afford basics (i.e. food). So my boss is just doing the right thing helping out a friend with some employment in a time of need.
You work for the CIA?
Christ I hope vapid fools like Mr. Moron don’t infiltrate your organization more then they already have.
a) it’s AuCkland…and it only sounds like Oakland when Yanks say it to us natives it sounds much more like where Mork came from…Orkland.
b) Aussies could benefit with a bit of time spent in the down under thats under down under. We might be very good at loosing major sporting events…but we know how to use keys.