So last night I was in bed with my beautiful lady and Ching, one of our puppies (a Chinese Crested) was laying on a pillow at the head of the bed.
We were talking and snuggling, kissing a bit, after a long and stressful week. We were quite enjoying being close, talking and nuzzling. It was one of those moments when all is right with the world. You are holding the person you love, not talking about much but at the same time talking about everything that matters. That deep connection where not much is said but everything is known and you know that you are with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Then it happened.
Ching let out what I believe to be the deadliest fart ever to be released into the world. And it was silent.
My grandmother had a dog that farted foulness pretty much continuously, so my Uncle would take it for drives in the country, where it would “accidentally” get lost.
Unfortunately, everyone in the region knew my grandmother and her stinky dog, so each and every time the dog was returned.
reminds me of the time the divemaster and i were otherwise engaged when right in the middle of me singing soprano, he let out a squeal a ten year old schoolgirl would have been envious of.
seems the german shepherd puppy got very curious about what we were doing and came to investigate. dogs being dogs, he decided to stick his (very cold) nose into the proceedings - right between the DM’s buttcheeks.
Heh. Our french bulldog hates to be left out of the lovin’ and will force herself in between us if we so much as hug one another when she is in the room. Most of the time this is okay (as long as we aren’t being “actively affectionate” or anything) because we don’t mind petting the dog while we snuggle on the couch but she has the worst gas ever and nothing ruins a snuggle quite as quickly as horrifying farts wafting out of the dog.
I knew where this was headed before I even opened the thread.
I was once snuggling with a woman by candlelight. Her cat jumped up on the table, put its tail over the candle, and caught itself on fire. We jumped up, turned on the lights, spilled a glass of water, and made a general commotion. The cat jumped off of the table, and in doing so extinguished itself. It looked at us like “You people are weird.” It was tough getting the mood back with the smell of singed cat fur in the air.
My old beagle mix was actually banned from my mother’s house. She used to dog-sit when we’d go camping or on vacation (he was NOT a good travelin’ dog, and not at all safe out in the woods, would not come when called if he smelled something interesting) and after a couple of years, poor Seoman was banned. Not because he howled when left alone, not because he would sneak a poo under their bed occasionally, not because he had an uncanny ability to open the under-sink cupboards and loved cereal… because of his farting. Dear lord, his butt was a chemical weapons factory.
We currently have 2 dogs, a little poodle-mix named Bump (I didn’t choose him, he was a present - I always feel I have to disclaim him, as I’m a big-dog person, lol) and a pitbull named Bailey. Bailey sleeps on the dog bed (with her pet kitten wrapped around her head) but Bump sleeps on the bed with us. However, if he realizes we’re getting “frisky” up there, he will heave an ENORMOUS, long-suffering sigh, and hop down to the dog bed until we’re finished. Then he comes back and grumbles a bit while trying to find his comfy spot again.
The fish are pretty good about not interrupting the adult activities. The rest, well, you learn to live with it or go celibate, which really isn’t an option. Did I mention that my better half is smokin’ hot?
