Lettuce, preferably iceberg. Cucumber and Tomato if you must, but preferably not. Lots of Miracle Whip. Those weird pinkish-orange things he buys that are supposed to be bacon bits. Croutons. Extra splash of vinegar. Mix it all up in a giant bowl. Eat it in one sitting.
Then don’t eat salad again for weeks on end.
The sight and smell of it always makes me a little queasy but I don’t eat it. I like miracle whip ok, spread thinly. I also like Mayonaise, but because HE THAT KILLS LETTUCE has such a decided preference, currently its the only spread of that type in my fridge. My ex husband was Mayo, not Miracle Whip. As for the Miracle Whip/Mayo debate it is one of the things I refuse to take a side on. I’ve been meaning to put up a thread like that in IMHO.
But yes, I agree the ads make me want to egg, oil and vinegar the creative team that did this.
I think I understand my confusion on the issue. In my mind, I mix up Miracle Whip and Cool Whip. Both are whitish and soft. Neither name screams “mayonnaise”. Neither name screams “whipped cream”, for that matter. Cool Whip is processed whipped-cream-like goodness for ice cream and jello. Miracle Whip, however, is vile and disgusting, especially if you are expecting Cool Whip. I have been disappointed in Miracle Whip ever since I was a kid.
When it says it’s salad dressing, it means for chopped salads, potato salads, macaroni salads, tuna salads, etc. It does not mean to glob it over a platter of romaine and baby spinach. It means salad dressing in a 1954 way.
Eh, actually, my mom used to glob it on some iceberg lettuce and add some pasteurized processed cheese food product and call it a salad - and we liked it
maybe a side of Spam?
Thank you. You have restored my faith in humanity.
Cause of death: excessive tanginess.
In my own case, I have never ever purchased Miracle Whip® except by accident, and have rarely eaten anything containing it. I prefer Mayonnaise, and don’t consider it bland so much as not interfering with the flavor of other stuff.
Wait…does this mean you accidentally ended up putting Miracle Whip on ice cream and jello?? :eek:
I hate almost everything with vinegar in it, so both mayo and Miracle Whip are out. The only way I can tolerate mayo–and it has to be mayo, not Miracle Whip–is when it’s in tuna salad.
As for the ads, they mostly just get an eyeroll from me. They’re stupid, but I’ve seen stupider.
The ad is terrible because it tells me exactly why I shouldn’t buy Miracle Whip.
Mayo is great for sandwiches because its mild taste complements a lot of other toppings without overpowering them. If I use mayo instead of mustard, the tone of the sandwich will be different, but only as a varation on a theme. You can vary the amount of mayo that you put on a sandwich, but it will never be a mayonnaise sandwich.
On the other hand, “we will not tone it down” tells me that no matter what else I put on a sandwich, it’s gonna be a Miracle Whip sandwich. Potato salad? Fuck potatoes. It’s Miracle Whip salad now!
That’s great if you like Miracle Whip, but it’s not so good if you like food. It’s certainly not a good way for them to get new customers.
Over the years there have been dozens of bold mayonaises and mayonaise like spreads. As a rule that boldness would not last, as mounting pressure, beginning with anonymous murmurs and culminating ultimately to outright ultimatums by government, PTA, PMRC, and various watchdog groups to “tone it down”, would force even the most brazen mayonaise into bland submission.
The fact is Miracle Whip alone refused to tone down. I don’t think Miracle Whip should be faulted for tooting it’s own horn on that note. Its not like the new generation of first time mayonaise buyers are going to learn the truth about Miracle Whip in school or in the media, the very institutions trying (failing) to suppress it.
Cause of death: excessive tanginess.