AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) – Around 2,000 baboon noses were found packed in an abandoned suitcase at Amsterdam airport when they started to stink, officials said Wednesday. Dutch customs police made the gruesome discovery last week and turned the case over to the Agriculture Ministry’s Inspection Service, which said it had several leads that may help it track down the culprits. The noses - around 66 pounds worth - were en route from Lagos, Nigeria, to the United States and are believed to have been meant to be eaten or used in traditional medicine by immigrants. “It is known that many inhabitants of Asian and African countries ascribe beneficial properties to these medicines and use them for that reason,” the Inspection Service said in a statement.
Sounds like “Bad News” to me.
“My baboon’s got no nose!” “How does he smell?” “Awful!”
Man 1 " My baboon has no nose. "
Man 2 " Really, how does it smell. "
Man 1 " Through a complicated series of levers. "
No wait, that’s not it…
Don’t you hate it when you grab the wrong bag at the airport, get to your hotel, and when you open it, instead of your clothes you find 66 pounds of baboon noses?
“Let’s see; I guess I copuld staple them together into a kind of skirt . . .”
Joseph Mgwabibaba: “Boy, I’m beat. What a long flight. I didn’t think we’d ever get home.”
Gloria Mgwabibab: “You said it. That layover in Amsterdam is murder. Let’s see if we can book a direct flight next time.”
JM: “Here, help me unpack the bags.”
GB: “Hmmm…this one seems awfully light…WHAT THE FUCK? There’s clothes in this suitcase!”
JM: “CLOHTES! Damn it, Gloria, if I told you once, I told you ten thousand times - THE BABOON NOSES ARE IN THE RED SUITCASE, LINGERIE IS IN THE BLUE SUITCASE. RED=NOSES, BLUE=LINGERIE!”
You know, you only need 50 pounds of baboon noses if you use Baboon Nose Helper . . .
Now see, I’d rather have stories like this posted to the SDMB to puzzle over, rather than those ubiquitous “Guys Sets Fire to Helpless Infant” type stories where everyone just comes up with meaner and meaner hells for the fellow to burn in.
Although as an animal lover, I am probably supposed to be outraged about the poor schnozzless baboons…
Sadly, right now there are several hundred baboons in Nigeria with no place to put their fingers.
It’s going to be awfully hard now to convince those baboons that stories about waking up in Central Park in a bed of ice without your nose is just another Urban Myth.
So, which state is Oscar Meyer based in, again?
“Home. I haff no home. Hanted . . . despised . . . liffing like an animal – de jongle is my home! But I vill show de vorld dat I can be its master. I shall perfect my own rice of baboons – a rice of noseless baboons dat vill conquer de vorld!”
“Hello, I’m Marlin Perkins, your host for 'Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. Today, Jim and I will attempt to put prosthetic noses on several hundred baboons in Nigeria. Lucky for us, and the baboons, the Acme Novelty Company of Devlin, Indiana, was able to supply us with the required number of noses…and they didn’t even seem to mind the big glasses and moustaches, either.”
DEAR FRIEND,
I AM THE WIDOW OF SOME BIG IMPORTANT NIGERIAN DUDE. I MUST REQUEST YOUR CONFIDENTIAL ASSISTANCE IN THE TRANSFER OF 2000 BABOON NOSES…
Has nobody here heard of the Nigerian baboon nose scam? I get emails about it all the time.
darn you, **Already in Use
**.
::Snork::
More like “Bad Nose”.
I just popped in to say I love this thread title.
The authorities underestimated the power of the open market, I reckon I could’ve sold them for more than £66 on eBay.