Stick it in your ass and sit on it.
um, ok. Good for you?
Yeah… a little bit. Can anyone explain to me why I hate those commercials?
I’m sure there is some sort of deep rooted psychological reason.
Just to be clear. I think Saturns and Saturn owners are just fine.
Why did you bring up these terrible commercials?
“I had a baby and I thought I care for him and he was born late and I never thought he’d be born. That’s why I bought a Saturn.”
I just want to grab that bitch and be like, “Whore! THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BUYING A FUCKING SATURN!!!”
…It angers me.
“My mother was the backbone of our family. She sacrificed a lot for us. And that’s why I take Viagra.”
laughs heartily
oh dude, that so needs to be a game thread…
Huh-huh, huh-huh, you said “bone”.
[sub]Otherwise, I don’t get this thread.[/sub]
“My grandfather had to quit school when he was 14 to support his family. That’s why I give my kids Flintstones Chewable Vitamins.”
“My buddies died face down in the mud in Vietnam so you could buy a goddamned Saturn!”
“I’m a serial murderer. I need a car that can hold at least three dead bodies, a laundry detergent that can get out even the toughest stains, and I’m tired of dial-up Internet access. That’s why I keep my teeth their whitest… by having the Sunday New York Times delivered right to my doorstep!”
“My father worked three jobs to send all his eight children to college. That’s why I smoke a reefer now and then.”
“I was born addicted to crack, and I’ve climbed my way up through the gutters to get this nice house and loving rhinoceros. that’s why I chew Trident.”
I was born with a parasitic twin whose legs protrude on either side of my navel. Four out of five dentists give Alpo to their own children, so I use New & Improved Tide because the other was crap.
I was born in a pool of Agent Orange in the back country of Cambodia. My mother was a midget, one legged, illeterate prostitute Mongolian. That’s why I switched to Geico.
Well, I bought the Saturn I own now because my previous one saved my wife’s life when an asshole ran a red light and rammed her, hitting her right at the drivers side door. She was in the emergency room for only three hours. The insurance guy said it was the worst crash he had ever seen without serious injury.
So I know what the commercial is about.
Saturn’s are solid (if boring) cars. But here’s how your story would be represented in the commercial.
“I went base jumping the other day but my parachute got tangled up in my right arm and didn’t open. Luckily I landed in a semi-truck full of marshmallows and was all right… that’s why I bought a Saturn.”
Oh, Uranus.
(This thread couldn’t be complete without that reference. Apologies and beers all around.)
My dog has a rare skin disease which makes her leave a stinky, oily residue wherever she sleep. Since she’s also 15 years old now, she needs a nap every ten steps or so. And that’s why I buy glade plug-ins.
You hate them because they’re ridiculous non-sequitirs that insult your ability to reason. They’re just appeals to gut emotion–if you truly love your children, you’ll buy a Saturn. They’d actually be really good commercials if there was less time devoted to the joys and troubles of being a parent and some kind of explanation as to why loving her kid made her buy a Saturn. Some reference to protecting him being her first priority and a really great crash test rating would make a perfect bridge.