The 2 Habits of Highly Effective Gully Dwarves

This is a bit of fluff that would go an a blog, if I had one. I’ve always had a soft spot for the Gully Dwarves of Krynn.

>>

Number Habit

1 - Grovel Early, Grovel Often. Groveling and other signs of abject cowardice reassures possible attackers that there is no possibility that you will attack them and that you would probably be willing to work for them. This makes them much less likely to kill or maim you.

2 - Fall Between The Cracks. Develop a taste for food and clothing that no one else wants. This removes “Remove the Competition” as a reason to kill or maim you. Also learn to like sleeping where no one else wants to sleep.

2 - Carry Good Luck Tokens: Dead rats work well and are easy to find if you are following Habit #2, above. Maimed rats work less well.

2 - Befriend the wonderful. Magic Users are wonderful and should be helped at all times. They will do you favors like writing down the Effective Habits for you.

2 - Save For Later. This applies especially to food that no one else wants. Even if no one wants it, it’s better to save some for later, just in case. Sleep on it if necessary, or if it’s soft. If you save it long enough, it’s sure to become soft eventually.

2 - Look Ahead. That’s where your feet are going anyway and if you don’t look there, you might step on something that you’d like to eat later. Not that you can’t eat is anyway, of course, it’s just that I’d rather you do so out of my sight. You also tend to run into trees if you’re looking behind you.

2 - Save This Space. Save the rest of the space on this paper for when you learn to write. Not that you’re ever going to. You’re probably just going to use this to wrap your dead rat in, and I don’t want to know whether you mean it to be a good luck charm or your lunch. If it weren’t raining and I didn’t need someone to go check for the beacon every hour, I’d have slit your throat already. So here, play with this piece of paper with the nice markings on it and stop trying to talk to me or I may decide that your incessant drivel is worse than an occasional chill wetting. Then I might maim or kill you.

>>

Comments on the Habits, Gully Dwarves, or other races of Krynn are welcome.

Early on, my daughter picked up the “One, or more than one” distinction. That was followed by weeks of me muttering “…should’ve named her Bupu…” every time she held up a bowl full of grapes and said to me “Look Daddy! Two grapes!”.

Gully Dwarves no speak so good as that.

This was, of course, written by the well-known kender adventurer and social historian (and mapmaker and dragonsinger and wanderer and elf-searcher and goblinflinger, etc., etc., etc.) Uncle Trapspringer…

Of course, in typical kender fashion, Trapspringer didn’t really think about the fact that the whole thing was moot, as gully dwarves can’t read.