The "30" crisis hits me 10 months late (or: I am a fat old queen)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I don’t know where this has come from, and I really don’t want to sit in self-pity (IMO, the most destructive emotional state one can be in), so I’m getting rid of it here. (jeremy evil is tired of listening to me whine, and I don’t blame him.)

I have a fantastic new doctor, who’s young (well, not an old man), hot, and obviously gay. This is a good thing. I was left high and dry when my shrink left town a few months ago. Not only do I have a new doctor to prescribe my meds, but he’s taken an active interest in me and my health. (I’ve “tried to find” a GP before, and it was always unfriendly, in-and-out health care. I suspect he’s looking to build a very gay practice, and the fact that I’m in a serodiscordant relationship is a constant health issue that guarantees he’ll follow me.)

So Dr. Hottie weighs me. I’m 170 lbs. I’ve gained 30 pounds since I got sober a little over five months ago. It’s 170 lbs. of skin, bones, and flab. It’s very common to gain weight after you quit drinking and start taking care of yourself again (I used to throw up everything I ate, when I ate at all). But usually it peaks before this stage of sobriety, or at least it did the first time I got sober.

I can’t even look at myself naked in the mirror, and now I’m starting to see a big fat stick-of-butter face. Of course it’s mostly in my head - I’m aware of that. But I don’t even like looking down when I’m having sex. We got the Sugardope pics back yesterday, and I look… hideous. The camera adds pounds, sure, but still…

I’m also tired all the time and my joints ache and creak. Grrr. I’ve had to start taking Advil every morning for that, and sometimes I dip into Jeremy’s Celebrex.

So I guess I have to start watching what I eat - not obsessively, but at least stop eating creamy salad dressings and crap like that. And I have to start working out again. I just don’t know where I’m going to find the energy I had eight years ago when I was a gym bunny (yes, I was a gym bunny at one point).

I don’t post new threads much anymore, and more often than not I delete posts before hitting “submit”. So this is the MPSIMS I’ve been saving up, I guess.

Motivate me. Give me tips. Your words helped me get sober and stay that way. This should be (for lack of a better term) a cakewalk in comparison…

Sorry if this rambled but I am dead tired and feel like I was hit by a truck.

2

Don’t look at me. I just ate half a sleeve of Zellers tea biscuits and I’m still porked up from when I quit smoking 6 years ago. But good luck with that un-buttering of the face and all. :slight_smile:

3

You can do this. You don’t even have to cut out all the creamy salad dressings–just pay closer attention to the serving size so you don’t end up with five days’ worth of dressing on every salad. For the exercise part, you don’t have to jump in all at once. Do more today than you did yesterday, and more tomorrow than today. Do something fun. Then do something hard. Don’t be in a hurry. Slow and steady–that’s the ticket. You gonna link to some pics so we can tell you how young and cute you still are?

4

scott evil, you need to look at the GOOD things you have proven you can accomplish. It takes a hell of a lot of courage and determination to kick a drinking problem - way more than it takes to knock off ten pounds and talk yourself into some exercise. I’m in awe, man - and I am not just saying that. I don’t even know you, but I am so proud of you for what you’ve already done!

30 can be a life-altering experience, just because it’s one of those “sit up and pay attention” birthdays. Don’t let it get you down.

As for dieting, you know the routine, really - you don’t have to change everything overnight. Start using more herbs, less oils and salts. Broil, grill or bake instead of frying. Eat fruit instead of chocolate, but don’t punish yourself - you can still have a Hershey’s kiss, just don’t have the whole bag. Go for a walk - the weather’s getting warmer, even in Canada. Do something you enjoy, whether it’s dancing, biking, or doing sit-ups (although if you actually enjoy sit-ups, you’re a strange man.) Hell, even sex burns off calories! Take care of you, and check back in here whenever you need another dose of love. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

(((((scott evil)))))))

5

Well I think you’ve already gotten all the advice I can give. So I will mostly chime in to cheer you on. I was really making good progress on the post preggers pounds I gained following much of this advice. Then I got pregnant again :slight_smile:

Really the biggest thing I had wrong was not what I ate but how much of it. I made some substitutions for higher fiber low calorie breads and more fruit and veggie stuff and less meat and cheese stuff. Portion control is the key and while in the beginning I looked at my dish and said ack where’s the food… eventually that just became how I ate.

30’s been interesting and that too is a milestone that tends to weigh heavily in our brains. It says we’re not kids anymore wake up! I don’t wanna though :slight_smile:

Just keep focused on all you have done! Sobriety is an incredible accomplishment! Don’t beat yourself up for the past stuff… it is self defeating.

Oh and I had to go look up serodiscordant! Been a long time since I learned a new word. hugs to you both

6

Scott Evil - You’ve been so strong with your sobriety. I think this is just your body’s way of tricking you into drinking or something. Hoping that with a little depression and thinking you were better looking when you were drinking. Pretty soon it’ll say, just a drink…you’ll feel better.

If you start working out your energy will increase. Or so they tell me. If you figure out how to start, tell me - I could stand to lose 30 lbs.

StG

7

Scott, it sounds like you’ve accomplished so much recently. Don’t let this get you down. Granted, I have no idea what you look like, but 170 sounds perfectly reasonable for a healthy adult male. If you gained 30 pounds after going sober, and you mention you used to throw up a lot, I’m guessing you were seriously underweight and malnourished while drinking. Maybe what you’re looking for is just some toning? After I started on Paxil, I gained about 20 pounds of the dreaded flab. I had been very underweight while struggling with anxiety/depression, and the gain was actually just my body returning to normal. Of course, the new bulk had no muscle tone, so I looked all jiggly. What really helped me was yoga and tai chi. I got myself some books and videos, and just dove right in. I love it now- I find it very relaxing, and it’s toned me in the way I was looking for. It’s not high-impact, so a lot of people tend to disregard it, but I’ve had great success. There’s also plenty of classes around too, so you and jeremy can even go together. I personally recommend the Rodney Yi video series. It’s actually a good work-out, and Rodney is pretty hot to boot.

It sounds like you’ve gone through some big life changes of late, and even changes for the better can be a grind while you adjust. Focus on what makes you happy. You’re still alive- and that’s a lot. :slight_smile:

8

I read this as “You know the poutine,” and was thinking, that would be really inappropriate at this point. :stuck_out_tongue:

Speaking as a fat young queen (I’m no skinnier than you - I’m 15 pounds heavier, even if I am taller), I sympathize. I know, it sucks to have to live with a body you don’t like, and in the end, all the “But you look fine!” in the world doesn’t help, no matter how sincere; even if everyone else thinks you’re a sex god, it’s you who has to look at yourself in the mirror. I know the feeling, trust me. At any rate, whatever you do, make sure you do it for the right reasons.

Potter gave me some great advice a while ago which I can email me if you like (minus goopy romantic bits).

9

I think you should include the goopy romantic bits…

scott, if, being five years older than you, I can go from 335 to 225 in a little over a year without even having the support of a bf/partner/spouse/your term of preference here, then with the love and support of Jeremy (plus the informed advice of Doctor Hottie, with whom you should consult before beginning any diet and/or exercise program) you should have no problems knocking off a few pound a month over the next few months. There’s no need to do anything radical to accomplish this. Cut out the creamy salad dressings. Switch to diet soda. Investigate the wonders of fat free foods and vegetarian cooking. Take a brisk 30 minute walk 3 days a week (more if you feel motivated). Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t attain “perfection.” You didn’t put this weight on overnight and you won’t take it off overnight. Set a realistic series of goals for yourself and celebrate your achievements as you accomplish them.

10

scott, if you haven’t already, one way you can make up for reduced fat in the foods you eat is by adding more flavors other ways - try various spicy dishes from cuisines that you like, and watch the fat level in them. Eating foods with a lot of flavor won’t make you feel deprived.

11

My advice is to let your back hair grow, embrace the girth, become a bear and hope jeremy is a chaser. :wink:

12

What LifeOnWry said. As for being 30, I can speak from experience: I just turned 33, and I LOVE being in my 30s (I’m not sure why, but from my 30th birthday on, I have felt progressively more kick-ass)!

I mean, it’s not every day you get to tuck 3 decades under your belt!

When the first decade went under there, it meant that soon I’d have boobs like Wonderwoman and that my teeth were beginning to shrink to match my face.

The second decade meant that soon I’d be able to drink too much LEGALLY and that I got to start believing I was smarter than I actually was, as a result of which I thought I had that whole sex thing down pat.

THIS decade means that I have started showing the aforementioned teeth again (because I’m through with the decade where I was above an utterly shameless toothy grin), I know exactly how much I can drink to find that grin without showing it to the toilet later, I really am as smart as I think I am (because I now recognize the vast wealth of knowledge I don’t have), and the sex is just starting to get really goooood (because it’s more about those smarts and less about the (somewhat flappy and jiggly, but still fully functional) parts).

My only complaint is that I never got the Wonderwoman boobs. But hey–this way I’m saving the small fortune that other women spend on bras. :wink:

So cheer up, Charlie–if it’s any consolation, I started going to a gym, for the first time in my LIFE (trying to chase down that metabolism I had 10 years ago), about the same time you got sober, and it really ain’t that bad. In fact, it kind of makes me feel like Wonderwoman anyway. :slight_smile:

I bet you can be a super hero, too. :smiley:

13

I’ve started doing sit-ups. Mr. Kalhoun quit drinking six years ago and last year he started with 20 push-ups, a few curls, a few presses, and some hand-squeezies. He is now up to 210 push-ups, 210 curls, 100 presses, 210 hand-squeezies and 20 sit-ups. All at home. You simply have to set a time to do it and then…do it. I’ve been bitching about my middle-aged waistline (I only weigh 100 lbs, but it doesn’t look as good as it used to). So I just have to do the exercises. I hate it, but I hate a not-cute tummy more. I’ve done this for two days now. Woo-hoo. Maybe I can keep it up!

14

auntie em, that was just brilliant. When I got to your last sentence I actually got a little choked up. That’s great!

15

scott evil I’m not one to talk. I mean if you want to debate who’s the “fat old queen”, I’ll win hands down everytime. However, honey you ain’t old by any means. If you think you need to lose weight, then I’ll just say: what everybody else said. Get some exercise and watch what you eat. Oh and get your doctor’s advise on a sensible diet and exercise program.

Woof! Come chase me. :wink:

16

You ever tried Weight Watchers? I think I’m gonna go … I lost a ton of weight last year but am back on the choc (hey we all have our crosses to bear!) and wanting to be good again. I lost it by eating more fruit and veg, less carbs, drinking tons of water and exercising - nothing crazy, nothing that’d kill you or starve you or make your breathe stink - just regular stuff. It isn’t rocket science (just kinda dull).

Exercise will help - try out a few things (with or without Jeremy) and see what you like to do - I got bored of the gym and thats when the chocolate cravings came back.

I need to sort myself out too - am about the same weight as you but probably way shorters :stuck_out_tongue: oh well, such is life huh?

Remember how far you’ve come already, give yourself a congratulatory slap on the back and treat yourself to a nice pineapple (ahem, I am told it makes stuff taste better if you get my meaning winks).

Good luck :smiley:

17

Yeesh. 30 isn’t bad at all. And I’d KILL to be 170 again. (No, really. I went to the doctor this afternoon and weighed in at 257.) But anyway…

Think on the bright side. You’re sober, you’re healthy, and you’re in a great relationship with someone who obviously loves you very much.

If it would help, write out a gratitude list. Whenever I get depressed, I think about how lucky I really am. The depression lifts rather quickly.

Robin

18

Scott

I’m not too sure what to say, but I’ll give it a go at trying to cheer you up!

You are probably one of the coolest people I’ve ever met. And Jeremy is a close second! I honestly don’t think you need to lose any weight, but since you obviously think you need to, I’ll share my experience with you.

I joined a YMCA and signed myself up for an aerobics class twice a week. And I eat what I want. I’m more muscular, and my energy is up. I’m one pant size smaller. But I lost almost no weight. Which is ok. :slight_smile:

Your 30s really are the best times of your life. When I turned 30 (yes, I am over 30) I got a navel ring. And that made me feel a little younger. I still prefer being 30 to, say, 19. I would never be 19 again if I could possible help it. I was an idiot at 19. Older is better. :slight_smile:

So hang in there, know that you’re a super guy, and you have another super guy to lean on, and…umm…you’re super!

Can you tell I’m running out of things to say?

19

Scott, if you get some consistent exercise going, the joints won’t creak, you won’t feel tired, and everything else will follow along.

Old and fat myself…

20

Scott, have some compassion for yourself.

YOU are not your body. Your body is your vehicle for your life. It doesn’t define you, it merely does you a big favor in helping you experience the world.

Try not to hate your body. Try not to critque it. It’s really just working very hard to help you expereince your life!

Maybe think of your body as a friend.

Focus on respecting it and loving it.
By doing that, you will WANT to treat it good. Give it good food to eat. Take it on walks. Stretch it. Pamper it with some sex and a nice hot bath. Give it rest. Give it compassion and love.
Best wishes