Whoever has the bigger breasts.
How now, brown cow?
This way, oh Queen of the Breasts of Unequal Size.
Why does Sean Factotum assume there is a trauma in my life simply because I do not enjoy a horrid, stinking, unhealthy black sludge, some variations of which is made from feline excrement?
He’s not going to answer you while he is thinking about the $10,000.00 photos. Ironically enough, I’d do it for the price of a cup of sweet, sweet coffee 
.
How can I stop my roomate’s cat from running away every time I open the door?
Kill it. A dead cat doesn’t run.
How can I become Sam fisher?
Slow trolling with little Sam worms.
Whatever will I do now?
You will find the road to peace and blueberies that lies within us all.
What am I smoking?
HEY! Were’d ya get that? Gimme that back.
Jeeez… is there any more of this?
Check that jar over there.
Will anyone help me with my smuggling?
A smuggler-for-hire, or a corrupt customs official, probably. Call your local mafia king or Hells Angels Chapter.
Where can I find a demon to dance with?
Natchitoches, Louisiana.
Why does my foot itch?
It’s been seven years since the last time you took a good long walk.
Can I get back to sleep now?
Because you’re a dancing queen, baby.
Why do good things happen to bad people?
Simulpost, or close enough…
Ne Mal viestas farita ?i tiu paf.
Because it shall be as it was once written in the past, and it has already been in the future, and now it is currently unfolding.
Are gettin’ all of this?
Not a word of it.
Where’s the love, dawg?
Gone, and, in spite of our efforts to find it, still lost.
Who wants to buy a bridge from me?
Not me. I’ve already got one. Try Boris down the hall.
Is it true that the Ancient Egyptians had a cure for stinky feet, but that the cure has now been lost?
It’s been found. Watch for the infomercial, coming soon. Only $49.99 plus S&H
What should I sell on Ebay?
Oh, I think you know.
Is that all there is, can I go now?
Only if you have brushed your teeth in the last 3½ hours, and are wearing one purple and one green sock (no stripes).
Is this the way to Amarillo?