I got your Anal Heat right here.
From English Football:
Anal Hotspur
Anal Academicals
Anal Rovers
Anal of the South
Anal Thistle (I like this one)
Anal Park Rangers
Anal Argyle
Anal Orient
Not many names are very suitable for this treatment, but:
Anal Hotspur
and my favourite:
Anal Wednesday
Anal Casuals?
Anal Munchengladbach
and a personal favourite
Anal Dynamite
my highschool would have been the anal Coons.
AskNott, you forgot the LaPorte Anal Slicers
Minor League Baseball is great for this:
Anal Ironbirds
Anal Isotopes
Anal Tourists
Anal Blaze
Anal Muckdogs (ewwww!!!)
Anal Snappers
Anal Bees
Anal Lobstermen
Anal Mudcats (ewwww again!!!)
Anal RoughRiders
Anal Bats (either way you interpret “bat”, this is still bizarre - I imagine goatse.cx man with an anus full of winged rodents!)
Anal Hammerheads
Anal Lugnuts
Anal Volcanoes
Anal Sarape Makers (?!?!)
Anal Sand Gnats
Anal Smokies
Anal Mud Hens
Anal Dust Devils
Anal Sidewinders
Anal Drillers
Anal Warthogs (yucko!)
Foreign footy teams open a world of anal possibilities:
Queen of the anal
eleven anals in flight
young boys anal (really)
Real anal
Lokomotiv Anal
Sparta Anal (sounds like a gay mag)
You left out Nashville’s team:
The Anal Sounds 
The Anal Blues (ST.Louis, NHL)
The Anal Rough Riders(Ottawa, CFL)
The Anal Renegade(Ottawa, CFL)
The Anal Stampeders(Calgary, CFL)
The Anal Eskimos(Edmonten, CFL)
Montgomery Alabama’s new baseball club would be the
Montgomery Anal Biscuits
cool.