What is the sound of one dog clapping?
Oooh God, don’t get me started.
Christmas cards just aren’t really something we do in French Canadian (or maybe Franco-Ontarian?) culture, let alone Christmas Letters. Moving to the US – the midwest, no less – and marrying into a good ol’ american family (with Polish-German roots) has parachuted me into some interesting traditions, let me tell you.
My mother in law sends out a Christmas Letter every year. It horrifies me in so many ways. I feel like sending out apologies to the friends and family who receive it – I understand that she’s mostly only proud of us all, but… ::: whimper :::
This year? It’s gonna be worse. lno and I are expecting the first grandchild in mid February.
I dread the Christmas Letter.
Save me, Electric Jeebus!
That sounds like the kind of trailer trash that shows up on Judge Judy, suing their brother over an old, broken-down 1985 Pontiac, and using phrases like, “So myself and my brother went out to inspect the vehicle…” :rolleyes:
After returning from our whirlwind tour of the ten continents, including the two that no longer exist and the one of which we are not allowed to speak, we arrived home to find it inhabited by a family of penguins. It took some time to sort out the sleeping arrangements, but now everyone gets along great and we have fresh fish for dinner every night.
My 95-year-old grandmother sends one every year. She has told me that this year’s will begin, “I am embarrassed to admit that I am still alive…”
And then the whole family starts fretting that she is depressed and hoping for death, because God forbid someone is making fun of the Christmas letter.
Years ago, the wife of my husband’s boss sent us their holiday-gram, written in third person. I think I’d met her once, and I don’t recall that I’d ever met the kids. It was the stereotypical horrid brag-a-thon - I had to read it just to see how awful it was.
Fortunately it only happened once.
Last year my boss didn’t even send his out to us, he just brought a copy of his to our desks.
Nah, he’s just a bit of a pompous ass. Overall a pretty good guy, but kind of a pompous ass. The sort of guy who “is matriculated” instead of just graduating like the rest of us.
Chefguy, you are missing out on a golden opportunity here to MOCK the pretentious bitch. The real beauty of receiving a Christmas letter from someone you hate, is that you can ridicule them mercilessly in the privacy of your own home over cocktails. It’s a guaranteed good time and you really need to get on board.
And if that leaves you wanting for more, you can always take a red pen and edit all the factual and grammatical mistakes, then return it to the sender.
Nah, I’d rather attack her anonymously on a message board. Seriously, I don’t want to alienate my brother and his wife by reacting to something that is, in reality, a minor annual annoyance. I just felt like venting, is all.
See, now, I think this is cute.
The one year that someone in my husband’s family was having a sex-change operation, the letters were fairly interesting.
Amen. A friend finally stopped sending the damned things and I am glad of it. It was just a bunch of stuff about how many games she’d gone to, concerts she’d attended, brunches she’d eaten, yada yada. (As if I didn’t know all of this already, since she reports everything on a regular basis anyway…but the rest of the world has to know about it too.)
My cousin sends a short one that both brags about her kids’ achievements and her own martyrdom when she “gets talked into” doing things for their clubs, school, etc.
Shredder, here I come.
It was always kind of amusing to see, when I was in high school, what my mom thought up to say about underachieving Nintendo-playing me in the Christmas letter.
What does she say about you in the Christmas letter now that you’re Jewish?
That’s great! I heart your granny and hope she lives many more healthy years!
My parents get one like that each year from their friends - they are hilarious. “During summer vacation at the lake, our youngest son, Justin, learned to walk on water.”
My hatred towards Christmas letters (and fruitcake) culminated in this eggnog-enhanced rant, way back in 2005:
TheKid has a half-sister. Her mother likes to send out Xmas letters which are full of the bragging blahblahs. This years letter includes her amazing trip to Australia, info on her new car, how wonderful her child is in the various activities her mother forced her into. Of course there’s nothing about her arrests, child protection services, the reason behind having to buy a new car (she has now totaled 13 cars in the 12 years I’ve known her), and thanks to having spent so much on her trip, car, and court services she’s now filing bankruptcy.
The letter I can laugh at knowing how selective she is in the info provided. What I cannot stand is the accompanying photo page she always adds. It’s not just a family portrait kind of thing, rather she crops and slaps pics on the page willy nilly. They are almost all Glamour Shots types of pics - including JonBenet type makeup on her 8 year old daughter (EUW) and posed pics of her lounging against her new car like a bad pin up. She adds captions that have little bearing to the picture in cutesy almost unreadable font. The whole thing is hideous.
And she always calls to make sure I’ve received it and read it. Ugh.
Now I miss Left Hand of Dorkness. 