We do a letter every year. Knowing that brag-fests are not only very dull to read, but also pretentious, we work very hard to make our letter amusing and informative. Here’s an example of the tone:
I understand the letter is not to everyone’s taste, but our parents actually receive complements on the letter.
I think everyone who is writing a chirstmas letter should ask himself, “What would I think I Darryl Dull or Barry Braggart were to send this to me?” If more people were to do that, there would not be as many gag inducing letters out there.
My parents get one like this every year from a high school friend–we look forward to it every year. One phrase that stuck with us “I offered her a ring of engagement and she accepted”, but then they broke up and it was just too hard to continue ice dancing together.
Ooooooooooohhhhh… a thread after my own heart! I have a sister in law who sends one out that is beyond pretentious. Last year when her husband’s father died there was no mention of that but she did go into great detail about their trip around the world, the triathalon her husband ran in in Hawaii and how surprised he was when their daughter who is in med school just happened to drop in to join him. Like she was in the neighborhood or something… Oh, please! :smack:
I am anxiously awaiting this year’s installment with baited breath.
My best friend has a similar sister in law who writes similar letters and we do dramatic readings every year…
Dude, you scared the hell out of us. We thought you meant Left Hand of Dorkness was gone for some reason.
ETA: by “us” I mean me and my wife. She was over on her computer and suddenly I hear “Hey, what happened to Left Hand of Dorkness? Did he leave? What’s going on?”
I used to get a Christmas letter from a friend I knew in high school with whom I lost contact over the years.
He didn’t send them…but his wife did. He married her when she had, I think 4 kids, and they preceded to have, I think, 6 more.
The letters were not bragging…they were chocked full of misery. They weren’t written that way…they were written upbeat and religiously…but they were dripping with misery. If you felt down about your life you would realize you have it good after reading them.
I shit you not…a kid would die every couple of years. Jobs were lost. A house burned down. Vehicles on fire. Car accidents. Hit and runs. Sick kids…cancer…etc…my God.
The letters stopped a few years ago. I figure they all died.
Its easy to write “Bob got a great new job and we vacationed in France this year.”
Its harder to write “Bob got laid off and our house got foreclosed on.”
Its got to be really hard when the letters are in succession - which is why I don’t write them - have a good year and everyone thinks you are gloating - even if you are just trying to write a letter about a really nice year - then if you ever need to write the downer letter - all those friends who thought you were a pretentious snit gloat.
Yes! Every year I look forward to the annual Christmas letter from “friends” (for lack of a better word) of my parents. The letter never fails to be obnoxiously pretentious…a couple years ago, they devoted at least half a page to discussing how they paid off their house and are now DEBT FREE. The phrase “debt free” was used at least 20 times throughout the letter. There is always a drawn-out itinerary of their summer vacation (“We awoke at dawn every morning to watch the sunrise and take a brisk 10-mile run on the beach without breaking a sweat…”) The husband’s multiple promotions and successes at work are always mentioned, along with the totally fucking smart and awesome children who will most certainly go on to earn PhDs or be brain surgeons or something. My parents, my sister, and I always have a great time reading this letter out loud and coming up with ideas for our own obnoxious letters (which, sadly, have never been sent)
My sister is abroad and won’t be able to come home for Christmas this year, so my husband will have to take her spot in the dramatic reading.
Part of my job is archiving paper records from Homeowners Associations. Going through a file this fall, I found a humdinger of a letter from Christmas 1996. Nobody knew why they had sent a copy of their Christmas letter to the management company, but the idle rich can be unpredictable.
It starts off with fairly standard chitchat about Bobby Jr. making captain of the swim team, and Sally and her riding lessons, then thanks friends and family for supporting them through the difficult time they had that summer, when Bobby Sr.'s brother kidnapped their father from his nursing home and held him for $500,000 ransom for 3 months. How he wouldn’t let the old man talk to his wife (the kidnapper’s mother) on the phone, but would allow an extended family outing to Disney World. I presume he kept a leash on his father? It was really bizarre. It doesn’t talk about how they resolved the situation, just that the old lovebirds were back together at the nursing home. It then finished off by talking about the holiday crafts they had planned for that year. Ornaments, homemade paper, gingerbread, etc.
The last page was photos: the family with their Christmas tree, Sally and her horse, Bobby Jr. with his car, Bobby Sr. with his boat, and a snapshot at Disney World of the whole family, cousins, siblings, everyone, with the kidnapper grimly standing between his father and the rest of the family.
I figure it’s better than getting nothing at all from your relatives or friends. Plus, I actually do like to know what everybody has been up to.
Look, seriously, if you know the people who sent you the missives at all, you know that things aren’t all good with them, but whatever. I like to hear good stuff even if it seems show-offy.
I don’t mind them. It is nice to catch up, but I usually talk to most of these people at least once a month, so their letters are filled with stuff I already know.
