There is a novel in there somewhere.
Has anyone considered sending an “antichriostmas letter”?
You would format it in the traditional style, with lots of cheapo clip art and inexpertly cropped photos, but the key point would be the text:
“Little Billy is doing a lot better with the heroin habit thi year, and in honour of his hard work sent a “Happy 12th Borthday Cake” to the detoc center where he has spent the last 8 months”
"Cheryl is doing well in her millitary career and sends her regards from Guantanamo, where she was recently promoted to “Officer in charge of fluid question reinforcment technology”
“Sadly, Piddles, our faithful canine companion died this year after 16 years of companionship. Although her cancerous tumours were obviously excrutiatingly painful, she suffered through them until the end. As you know, our rightious and only true faith in the Lamb of Christ forbids medical procedures on animals.”
“Uncle Bob continues his youth work, although the recent court cases make it impossible for him to be with in 500 yards of any child”
“Many non whites have moved into the neigbourhood”
etc…
use your imagination!
Regards
FML
I don’t mind the letters since I have friends and family all over the place and many whom I don’t get to see or even talk to very often. They often border on cheesey, but at least you got something to talk about the next time you see them.
If I got one from someone I didn’t particularly care for, I would probably look it over quickly, chunk it, and never think of it again.
Although I was raised to believe that mass-mailed Christmas letters are an abomination, and thus would never do them myself, I can’t get all worked up over people who do. I eagerly peruse them, skim them lightly, or toss them unread, depending on if I care.
I just got a pathetic one, though. A friend who is an exceptionally talented editor and a competent writer, but not a comedienne, thinks her writing shows much more comic brilliance than it does. Not much happened to her this year, but I just received a four-page, single-spaced-typed, Christmas letter which went into WAAYYYY too much mundane detail, with many forced and unsuccessful attempts at cleverness.
She’s a nice person. But her Christmas letter makes her sound like a navel-gazing boor with a false sense of her own wit. I imagine all her friends cringe when they get it.
Can you post it here? I used to get the occasional drive-by from family I didn’t know and invariably they were hilarious!
Please post it here!
A fun project just hit me: cut and paste the most obnoxious bragging from several letters into one gawdawful tract about an imaginary family. Bring it to holiday get-togethers and show it to the guilty with the comment “Can you believe how pompous these people are?” and see if they get it.
I wouldn’t have the guts, but it’s a great fantasy.
But for how long? That is the question. A boat is a hole in the ocean, surrounded by wood (or fiberglass), into which you throw all your money. 
I know I’m late to this thread. But I just wanted to say:
I am so going to use many of the lines and suggestions herein for my family xmas letter.
Once again, the Onion has a column to fit every situation: McCain Stares At Screen, Attempts To Write Family Christmas Letter.
Best Christmas letter I ever got was from my brother-in-law (husband of my sister, for those of you playing along at home). At the time, they were living in Southern California, and my sister was a HUGE fan of (and annual pass holder at) Disneyland. Now, for some reason, my B-I-L, when referring to my sister in these letters, always referred to her as “my wife”, as though the letters were intended to be sent only to HIS family and friends, and her loved ones were afterthoughts. Or something. But that’s not the point.
The point is, he went on and on about how my sister was such an avid attendant at D-land, and also that her favorite attraction was The Enchanted Tiki Room. So he says:
CairoCarol, if you still have your letter, could we read some of the “clever” parts?
I don’t send out Christmas letters because the entire text would be, “Same job, same house, same cats. Everything going very well.”
But I sure don’t understand the scorn for them. I only get two or three, and in each case I’m really interested in what they have to say. They’re interesting people. And they’re not on Facebook yet.