The asshole who shares my parking space

The BBQ Pit
1

In my apartment building we have a limited number of on-site indoor parking spots. Some few of these are just solo spots, but most of them are tandem spots, where one spot blocks the other one.

I was just assigned an indoor spot (most of the parking is either off-site or in the outdoor parking lot, which means shoveling snow in the winter, which I’m glad to be freed from.) The problem is either the buiilding’s rules (which sre definitely screwed up but not likely to change soon) or the guy I “share” the spot with.
According to the rules of the building, tandem parkers (in this case, me and him) may agree to give the other a set of keys and park in the rear (blocked off) spot whenever it’s free, and park in the front (unblocked-off) spot whenever it’s occupied.

BUT THEY DON’T HAVE TO (that’s the screwed up part). If either party doesn’t want to do it that way, then the senior party can claim the front (unblocked-off) spot, and the junior party (me) must park in the blocked-off spot, and must move the senior party’s car whenever it’s blocking him.

Anyway, this dude left me a note yesterday, criticizing the way I parked his car (I parked it nose-in, and he wants it parked tail-in), and was vehemently objecting to a scratch he claims I put on his bumper (there are pillars around each spot, and this one is a particularly tough fit, but I don’t remember dinging his bumper, and it’s the kind of thing I would remember, though I guess it’s possible. I didn’t see any dent, only a tiny cosmetic micro-scratch.)

I don’t want to let this get out of hand, so I just answered him something like “I didn’t scratch your bumper–maybe you want to talk your insurance agent?” but I wanted to really vent on him; So here goes:

I’M NOT YOUR FUCKING VALET PARKER! YOU’RE LUCKY YOUR FUCKING CAR IS IN A SINGLE PIECE, YOU SELF-CENTERED ASSWIPE, BECAUSE YOUR INCONSIDERATION IS COSTING ME A MINUTE OR TWO EVERY TIME I WANT TO USE MY CAR, AND A LESSER PERSON THAN I WOULD DELIBERATELY BASH YOUR FUCKING CAR AGAINST BOTH PILLARS EVERY TIME UNTIL YOU GOT THE MESSAGE THAT YOUR IDEA OF SHARING A PARKING SPOT IS NOT MINE, AND AS LONG AS YOU’RE ASSUMING ALL THE RISK, AND ACTING LIKE A SELFISH DICK,YOU’RE LIABLE TO COME DOWN TO THE PARKING GARAGE AT ANY TIME TO FIND THAT YOUR CAR HAS BEEN DEMOLISHED AND HAS A LINGERING CHEESE-FART ODOR IN THE PASSENGER COMPARTMENT TO BOOT.

Thank you for listening.

2

I think this tandem parking is really horribly a bad idea.

3

Yes, this is horrible, this idea…

:slight_smile:

4

That would drive me nuts! I’m not sure shoveling snow is bad by comparison…of course I’ve seen snow once in my life, so that might weigh my opinion a smidge :).

5

I would have taken a leak in his gas tank.

Because I am not a pussy.

6

Gives new meaning to “put a tiger in your tank.”

Hmmm, this does give me paws, though. If I didn’t want to actually bash in his doors, or anything obvious, what mischief could I do to this guy? I have his key, remember, and full access to his car, day or night–most subtle and vicious answer wins. Ideally, I want something that messes him up and he will never know it’s me.

7

I wouldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t even want his key. As long as you have it, anything that ever happens to his car he is going to blame on you. Is there anywhere else at all you can park?

8

I am also not a pussy.

9

That is arguably the most messed-up parking arrangement I’ve ever heard of.

That said, you could tune the radio to a station you know he hates and leave it blaring every time you have to move his car. Yeah, he’d know it was you - he’d know anything was you - you have a key to his car, remember?

10

The tandem arrangement in general, or allowing him to park blocking me all the time? I can’t see dong much about the parking arrangement because there’s just some deep spots where they can fit in two cars behind each other. The pillars make it hard to reconfigure.

11

Well, both, really. It’s probably my Western, wide-open spaces mentality, but being parked so that you can’t move your car doesn’t sound like a good idea to me.

12

So, if I understand the OP, when both cars are gone and this guy comes home, he still parks in the front, i.e. the spot which blocks the other? What’s to stop you from simply driving his car into the rear spot and then blocking him in? I mean, ideally you’d just tell him to stop being a dick and take the rear spot if he comes home first, but if that fails you can still just put his car where it’s supposed to go, right?

13

Builiding policy. He’s allowed to be a dick in this way. I just wrote a letter to the Board of Directors about such a moronic policy, but that’s what they seem to have decided is okay.

14

But you have the keys. What are they going to do if you break the policy, anyway? Also, can you go back to parking elsewhere? I know that shovling and the like is a drag, but it can’t possibly suck more then day in and day out conflict.

15

Heh. How 'bout you wait 'til just before a big snow storm this winter and go park his car outside so it gets buried? Sure, he’ll know it was you, but so what - fuck him - you had to drive yourself to the emergency room so there wasn’t time to put his car back in the garage. Or maybe you get a copy of his key made, ask for a different parking spot from your building management, and wait until after you have the new spot and have returned his key.

16

I don’t really want to find out. They could refuse me permission to park in any of the building’s spots, for sure.

If I’m going to be a dick, and abuse the keys, I’m going to get a lot more satisfaction than blocking him in once or twice. A round-trip to Anchorage Alaska in his car, for starters, or a load of elk diarrhea all over his apolstery, would be just the beginning what I’d do to get exiled from the building’s parking lots.

17

Now, that I LIKE. That is brilliant. Revenge is a dish that tastes best cold. I’m running out to the hardware store.

I think I’ll park his fucking car in the South Bronx just before a snowstorm.

18

I guess that I am not clear on the policy here. I think that my understanding is that you have to have each other’s keys and that the first guy there is supposed to park “on the inside” but he is a dick and doesn’t.

If I have that right, I don’t get why you don’t just move his car inside over and over again until he gets the idea.

19

All these posts and not one commenting on how wierd it is to give someone you hardly know a set of keys to your car?

20

Does he have to pay extra in rent or do you get a discount because he gets the senior spot? If you both pay the same, this might be a way to get the board to look more seriously at the problem. You’re getting less, in terms of convenience/standard of living, after all.

As we have learned from Seinfeld, B.O. could make his car a very nasty place to be. Do you have some half-rotten because you forgot them in your gym bag clothes that you could bring with you whenever you move his car? I know someone who sprinkled bread crumbs on a car and the pigeons made quite a mess. Not that you should do either of these things. [sub]I was never here and I didn’t write this.[/sub]