The bell outside my window is slowly banging away my brain.

The BBQ Pit
1

At approximately 2:06 this morning, I was rudely awakened by one of those old-fashioned bell type fire alarms outside my window going off. I’d think I were imagining it if it hadn’t happened before, lord knows I never would’ve guessed the thing actually worked, unlike anything else in this god-forsaken apartment complex. Well, then again, who knows if it actually works since this is the second time it’s gone off in the middle of the mother fucking night with nary a fire in sight.

BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!

Like a jackhammer straight through the skull. I sit up in bed after determining I’m not about to be engulfed in a field of fiery death and decide to wait it out. Last time, it only lasted about 3 minutes or so.

BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII… ah, sweet, sweet silence. The only ringing left is the faint echo in my head…IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!

Well, hell.

And so it’s continued for THE. LAST. 13. MINUTES.

I’m slowly losing my mind. My cat has already lost his mind and is proceeding to look at me like "sweet christ woman STOP THE RINGING!!!

I get up to call the cops since I don’t think anyone else has. As soon as I reach for the phone the ringing stops. Yay! I start to walk back towards the bedroom.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!

You evil bastard bell. Now it’s just fucking with me. And you are suceeding. I can feel my mind slowly slipping away. Fire dept. assures me the firemen are on their way. Uh huh. Firehouse is a good…oh, 2 minutes away. HAVE I MENTIONED THE RINGING HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR A GOOD 15 M INUTES AT THIS POINT? There is nary a hot fireman in sight, which would’ve made this ordeal somewhat enjoyable. I mean, this is like one of those old school alarm clocks with the big old bell on the top. Ringing. Right in your ear. Non-stop. For 15 minutes straight.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

At this point I want to cry. I haven’t had to deal with this shit since I lived in a dorm in college. And back then, it was a little fun since you got to stand out on the curb with your dorm mates smoking cigarettes and enjoying this oh-so-grownup experience.

Now? Just. Going. Crazy. It just stopped for a good 4 minutes. Almost too good to be true. I start to get back in bed and…

BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!

Now the bastard is just showin’ off.

Now I just had my landlord and one of the aforementioned hot firemen bang on my door to check my smoke detector. While normally I’d be embarrassed to be seen by Mr. Fireman in my PJ’s, hair all fucked up, makeup all smeared, looking just a wee bit demented due to losing my freaking mind, I do not care. Hell, I’ll sign away my first born just to make. the. ringing. STOP!!!

whimper :frowning:

2

See, that’s when it’s handy to have a good sledgehammer lying around.

3

Remember those cartoons where some overworked, overstressed guy goes on vacation on some tropical island, to escape the constant ringing of phones, time clocks and sirens? And then he gets to the island, and Woody Woodpecker is there, hammering away on a church bell? And he starts jackhammering around, wild-eyed and crazed?

That’s exactly the image I just got of poor **lezlers ** and her cat.

4

I was in the library the other day and they had one of those door alarms that goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and it’s obvious nobody’s been trained to turn it off.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

I had to leave the room. It was boring a hole in my brain.

The fucking library.

5

May all the employees of the factory that produced that bell and those who installed it burn in the fiery pits of hell for all eternity!

6

Well, it finally stopped ringing at quarter to three. Of course then I had to lay in bed all twitchy for another hour before I could fall asleep again since I was so friggin agitated. Plus I had to listen to the landlord banging on my neighbors door begging them to open it so they could check the smoke detector. I was ready to run out there myself, tear down the friggin alarm and threaten to bang them over the heads with it if they didn’t open up their goddamn door.

But that’s okay. Who needs sleep? NOT ME! Hell, yesterday, when I went to work on no sleep since my BF decided he wanted to begin a Six Feet Under marathon at 10 p.m.? That was just practice for today, man! Shit, all I do is writing and research all day anyway, I can just go to sleep at my desk! I’m sure my boss, who sits about 2 feet from me, won’t notice! And class tonight? Shit, law school classes are made for SLEEPIN’ anyway!

Ugh.

7

For a relaxing atmosphere in which to recover one’s bodily functions, there’s nothing like the semi-weekly Testing Of The Fire Alarms in our hospital.

“Please Disregard The Fire Alarm Warning System.”

(pregnant pause)

**WHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGvWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANGWHANG

Code Blue! Surgical Intensive Care Unit!!**
Not surprising.

8

Just as a little update/side story, last night I went to bed early, as I have a job interview at 9:00 a.m and as you all know, didn’t get much sleep last night. But I suppose sleep is just not in the cards for me this week…

The stupid bitches upstairs, true to form, decided to have a little party at…you guessed it! 2:00 a.m! As if it’s not bad enough having the two of them, who you’d think from all the noise they make running (literally, running, I don’t know if they’re doing laps around their apartment or what) together weigh about 600 pounds, constantly running, moving shit and screaming at each other. Not angry screaming but playful screaming. Because these stupid bitches are humanly incapable of speaking at normal levels. They communicate in screamese, only.

So them and their little friends are bounding up and down the stairs (shaking my apartment in the process) and then proceeding to conduct a small (being very generous here as it sounded like about 20 people) gathering by one of their cars, which happened to be right outside my window, yelling, laughing, having a grand old time. After 2:00 a.m. On a weeknight. This is about half of them I gathered since the other half remained upstairs, running back and forth and making me fear I was about to have one of them in bed with me after they fell through the ceiling.

I guess as I was in a fitful half sleep I yelled something like (I vaguely remember) “shut up you stupid bitches!” not thinking they could hear me. The yelling was solely out of frustration. Lo and behold, they did hear me. And what did they do? Realize they were keeping their neighbors awake with their incessant partying at totally inappropriate times and proceed to knock it the hell off? No no, that would be the mature thing to do. The stupid bitches yelled “shut up you asshole!” then proceeded to get in one of their cars and crank their stereo so loud my ears actually, physically hurt. I’d be suprised if they didn’t wake up half the complex. Continue yelling, running up and down the stairs and jumping around the apartment until approximately 3:30 a.m.

I am in hell.

Not sure what to do at this point. I’m sick of these stupid bitches upstairs. This is not the first time they’ve pulled this. I never get pissed unless it’s really late on a weeknight. I was thinking of talking to them personally until the reaction I got last night. Methinks they’re not the most reasonable of people. Or they just don’t give a fuck who they annoy when they’re partying. So I’m thinking of going to management tonight. Being kept awake half the night two nights in a row is unacceptable. But I’m kind of afraid of some retaliation. I wouldn’t put it past these eh hem ladies. Any advice?

9

The first thing that came to mind was “water cannon”.
But that would be wrong.

10

Well, for the stupid bitches upstairs, i’d suggest the police, on their non-emergency number. If it’s a Friday or Saturday night, they might be too busy to get to a moise complaint, but during the week they should be able to send someone out.

How busy can the cops be in a quaint little place like Santa Rosa? :slight_smile:

11

How busy can the cops be? Shoot, I clerk at the public defender’s office, I know how busy the cops are around here! :wink:

I blasted some bad hair metal at about 7 a.m. this morning out of spite but didn’t hear any movement upstairs. They’re probably still passed out from last night.

Stupid bitches.

I’m still heming and hawing about complaining to the management. I hate to be a snitch, but come on. They’re really leaving me no choice.

And I swear, if I have to clean up one more beer can that falls into my yard from their balcony…

12

Well, I just complained to management, and apparently, the stupid bitches have had a ton of noise complaints in the past. They used to live in another upstairs unit and were moved to the one above me because of all the noise complaints. Now the managers are talking about moving them to a downstairs unit (they referred to them as “heavy footed”). Moving them twice due to noise complaints? You’d think they’d just evict them for og’s sake. They told me to call the cops next time so there’s a report and make a written report for the office so they can put it in their file.

These bitches are damn lucky our managers are obviously loathe to just kick them out of here. I wonder what dirt they must have on the mangement…