Dear horn blowing mother fucker

Dear horn blowing mother fucker,

I realize that you are picking someone up at 5:45 AM and that the person is always late. But, DHBMF, honking your horn with your car parked right outside my bedroom window is not acceptable at 5:45 in the morning when I get up at 9 AM.

DHBMF, there is a reason they put a call box outside the front gate. Yes, that little box with the nifty little keypad. Yes, you can use that if you can get your lazy butt out of your car. It will ring your late assed feltching friends phone.
On top of that it won’t WAKE ME THE FUCK UP!

DHBMF, if you wake me up on Monday expect to meet my baseball bat.


Thanks for your time.

On my street, there are a number of apartment complexes (including, of course, the one in which I live). Every morning, there is a regular symphony of idiots out in the street, honking their horns because either:

a) they are too lazy to get out of their car and go knock on the person’s door (privacy gates are numerous, but they are constantly propped open because there appear to be more people living in these buildings than there are keys to go around…),

b) the individual being picked up is too lazy to actually be waiting outside (it’s not like this is a surprise visit; the HBMFs are there at the same time every god-damn morning),


c) both a and b.

The HBMF might also consider the possibility of actually calling ahead to let the person being picked up that he is on the way, thereby giving the other person ample time to be ready and waiting.

It is at these times in the morning when I am grateful that I do not own any high-explosive delivery devices, nor metal pipes or baseball bats.

Preach it, sleestak! Some jackass across the street from me keeps pulling up and honking the horn for the bozo that lives in that house. The difference is that it is usually late evening, just when I am trying to GO to sleep!

Thanks for the support.

DHBMF is going to get a nasty suprise if he wakes me up on Monday. I have my bat at my door and I will ask DHBMF why he thinks that his noise is ok. I will then let him know why it isn’t ok.

I am also trying to get the apartment owners and the police to stop this asshole.


One piece of advice, go for the aluminum bat instead of wood. It’s lighter & it won;t crack. Plus you get that neat “PING” sound when you really connect with something.

Perhaps we can include this subject in my ongoing research.

Dr. J


Damn I’m glad I live in Texas. That sort of thing is just plain unacceptable here. I don’t even blow the damn horn when I probably have every right.

People here are afraid to be so damn rude as to blow their horn becuase they might just end up with a nice pattern of #4 buck shot on their car. As it should be. Don’t fuckin’ wake me up before the sun rises.


If you’re on the second floor, might I suggest picking up some nice cheap used bowling balls?

I read a proposal once where the horn should be hooked up in such a way that honking it turns off the radio or CD player for 10 minutes. You’d still have the horn, and you’d use it when it would make the difference between causing a car accident or not, but you wouldn’t be so tempted to use it to communicate your assholishness to the world.

It’s not a perfect solution, but the premise has real promise.

Ah, yes, the “Redneck Doorbell”!

I hate the guys who pull up to the building, ring the RND repeatedly for about thirty minutes, figure out that nobody’s coming and then leave! Do you mean to tell me that you didn’t even know if your friend was home–or is your friend simply the only one in the neighborhood who couldn’t hear the RND?

Car alarms are more annoying, but just barely.

Yep, generally speaking, I too always thought it was best for motherfuckers not to toot their own horn.

You know what cracks me up though? The expression on their face when they realize it was a bullet that just shattered their windshield. Heh, try it sometime… it’s hilarious.

My naked grandma once ran outside and cut a guy’s head off with a Cuisinart. We still laugh about that one at Thanksgiving.

You could try a slingshot and dried garbanzo beans. They don’t fly as straight as steel BBs, but they’re a lot cheaper.

An update on DHBMF.

DHBMF once again honked his horn this morning. I was awake and out the door in a flash. I slept in sweat pants and a shirt figuring that he would be back. I brought the bat because I live in a bad nieghborhood and you never know what is going to happen. Anyway, I knocked on DHBMF’s window and he rolled it down. At this point, I politely asked:

“Sir, are you wating for someone?”
He responded “Yeah, I am. It’s Steve”
“Sir, is Steve late?”
“Yes”, said DHBMF. At this time he looked sort of confused.
“Sir, did you honk your horn to let Steve know that you are here?”
“Yeah”. DHBMF started looking like he had a clue.
DHBMF “umm…well…errr”

At that point Steve walked out. I walked up to Steve and ask him for his apartment number and last name. Steve asked why I wanted the info and I told him that I was going to report him to the apartment managers for noise violations. Steve started to get pissed but a couple of my nieghbors came out and started supporting me. Steve and DHBMF got in the car and left.

I bet that this issue is fixed.

The only downside is that I didn’t get to use my bat.


I am not a big guy but I recieved, from my Dad, all the signs of a maniac when I get pissed. The buldging eyes, the veins standing out on the forehead, the glare that says I’d rather watch you burn than piss on you. The downside is that if someone takes me up and decides to fight me I’ll get my ass kicked.

ROFL, awesome my good man.

::tiny hijack::

I’m pretty sure “motherfucker” is one word.


::tiny hijack::

Continuing the hijack.

In my world there is a differance between motherfucker and mother fucker-Mother Fucker. Motherfucker is a mild insult used like “So me and this motherfucker shot a game of pool and I kicked his ass”. Mother Fucker, on the other hand, is a big insult as used in the OP. The difference is not only in spelling but in pronunciation. Motherfucker is pronunced ‘muthafucka’ while Mother Fucker is ‘Mother Fucker’.

Ahh, what an interesting world I live in. I speak three dialects of english, streetese, computer geekese and plain old english.


Thanks for clearing that up, slee.:cool:

Well, can you come and fix my problem now?
My apartment is right above the parking lot. Every goddamn morning at four o’clock some shithead’s fucking car alarm goes off. EVERY FUCKING MORNING! What? Is someone intentionally setting it off?!
First it starts with the sirens, then the HONK HONK HONK for 10 minutes, then this weird buzzing sound, then more HONK HONK HONK then the sirens…if I knew what car it was, I think I’d be smashing a window or two. It would make the alarm go off, but at least it would have a reason to go off. And I would feel better.

Could be. If it’s a car that is high on the list of stolen models, it’s a common practice of car thieves who want a particular car to set off the alarm repeatedly until the owner’s neighbors put pressure on him/her to disconnect it. The day it doesn’t work is the day the car disappears. I agree that car alarms (especially other people’s car alarms) are a pain in the ass. But that’s one explanation for the daily irritation. The fact that it’s always at the same, very inconvenient time also makes it look as if someone is doing it deliberately.

Too bad you don’t know the owner (“some shithead”). You could advise that person to wait in the parking lot to catch the would be thief.