I took my nieces out to the beach over Easter to fly kites, but there wasn’t any wind. Screw you, global warming.
The vending machine wants exact change. I don’t have 95 cents, I just got a dollar. Godamn Obama’s economic plan.
Where’s my free healthcare? Thanks, Obama!
2012 and still no freakin’ jetpack? Way to go, Lee Harvey Oswald!
This is fun.
I was watching TV next to my dog when I noticed she had fleas. I blame the liberal media.
I need to eat something before I head out, but I’m not hungry.
I blame the IRS.
-D/a
I haven’t had sex in over 11 years. I blame Bush.
My shoe string is about to break,
thanks to jihadist extremism in the west.
I feel a bit unsteady.
I blame Sierra Nevada Brewing Co.
The shelf in my bathroom fell off today.
I blame overly cautious corporate lawyers who wouldn’t allow the manufacturer to use a really good adhesive because they were afraid I’d glue my fingers together while putting the shelf up and sue the company.
My friend Joe finds blaming the Jews so handy he understands why it has been the default for 2000 years.
“Can’t find my socks–damn Jews!”
“Stubbed my toe–damn Jews!”
“Got a raspberry seed stuck in my teeth–damn Jews!”
Blaming parents is always good.
I’m allergic to everything and I inheirited the allergies from my mom. Thanks, mom!
It’s pizza’s fault I’m fat.
Joe