The British Empire was...

…the answer to it all.

No more wars between hostile countries and the west because we would own the fucking lot - including the USA, Australia, India, Pakistan - the whole shebang. We could even flatten those would be commie bastards the Russians, and the crazy mixed up Chinese.

No problems with oil, illegal imigrants, weapons of mass destruction, newspapers, democracy, stupid stupid religion, nothing. We would kill whoever, whenever and for whatever. Don’t like it? Tough shit we’ll do it anyway. Bomb the fucking lot and take it all, every bit, every fucking last morsel of whatever they have that we need.

What a wonderful world, bring back the British Empire and all problems would be sorted.

Just make sure we nuke the French before we begin…

…Fucking Sweet.

Indian Mutiny?

I’ll agree to British domination when you get the BBC to bring back Dr. Who.

I respectfully decline the opportunity to join your hallucination.

Press gangs… Rum, sodomy, and the lash…

The whip, knout, cat-o-nine-tails, noose, cage…

Forbidding local languages…

Drawing lines on maps apparently at random…

Okay, Sleeman wiping out the Thugs was good: that pays for a lot.


Given the amount of anti-US sentiment in the world today, I think letting the Queen take all the heat wouldn’t be a bad idea.

What was that old saying about the British Empire? The sun never set on the British Empire, nor did the blood ever dry.

By Jingo, I think this chappie’s onto something! How I long for the days when a rousing chorus of “God Save the Queen” and a little gunboat diplomacy was all we need to put the fear of Empire into the darkies. I say, call out the regiments and let’s go show Johnny Foreigner a bit of the old business, eh wot? We’ll be done by tea-time! And then we can put those bloody colonials in their place! Been getting a bit uppity lately, the treasonous little pikers.

So how’s the weather over there in the nineteenth century, anyway?

A little British blood in everyone? Ugly women, bad teeth, strange senses of humor, etc.
What’s not to love. I’m in.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Any country that keeps Neighbours and Home and Away on the air aint’ fit to rule squat.

Nuff said.

“The sun never sets on the British Empire, because God doesn’t trust the Brits in the dark.”


Feh. Remember who sailed up the Thames and whooped your arses, laddy.

I say we reinstate the Republic of the Seven United Netherlands, sail the seven seas, steal some spices and shit, colonise the living crap out of the darkies, and generally be all around swell guys who rule the world and seabattle anyone who disagrees, 'cause we have too little land to fight on.

Then again, maybe not. :rolleyes:

Umm… no.

As long as you don’t make us wear wooden shoes, I’m amenable to it.

Naaw… bring back the Empire of Og. Paleolithic dominion over the inhuman cretins Over the Yonder Hill and Those Frog-faced Geeks on the Western Islands. The freshly-blooded flint axe and the fire-hardened spear will protect divine right once again!

What you need is for all the Queers to tell you what to do.

“Let’s do Iraq in a desert motif!”

Mad cow disease is not pretty.

You know what empire we need to bring back? The Romans. Remember what happened to Carthage? It was burnt to the ground, and then they salted the earth so nothing would ever grow there again. That’s just the kind of resolve we need. Plus, they really knew how to party. None of that reserved Victorian crap.

Yeah! We still don’t know where Carthage was! That’s a decisive victory. Plus, they had better orgies than the Victorians.

Quite. By the time you got the ladies’ corsets off, the mood had passed. Togas, on the other hand…