My wife is a true Republican, and this morning she adopted the Bush doctrine, and yelled at me preemptively.
It seems that she had decided that when we went to her cousins’ house (the wacky religious snake-handler, children of the corn ones) for Easter (Easter being on Saturday if you are among the Children of the Corn. Sunday laws represent the Mark of the Beast, which is also on the pontiff’s hat. Me, being a Catholic am little better)
What’d I do? Went off on a tangent, didn’t I?
Ok, so we were going to go to Easter dinner at the Wacky Cousins house. I’m upstairs taking a bath, and for no reason I start getting yelled at.
That’s not true. There was a reason.
My wife had decided that there was a high likelhood that I was going to be a real asshole when we went over to the fruitcakes’ house, and she was chewing me out about it.
“But Hon, I haven’t done anything. We haven’t gone yet. None of that has happened, and I haven’t done anything wrong. Why are you yelling at me?”
“Because I know you. I know what you’re going to do!”
“But if you are going to yell at me no matter what, why shouldn’t I just do my worst? What is my incentive to behave if I’m going to get yelled at anyway?”
“You think I’m yelling. If you start anything, you will look back on this moment as an uncommon peak of goodwill and friendliness.”
“You can’t do that,” I say (much like Jacques Chirac, or a German.) You just can’t waltz in here and attack me without provocation. Who do you think you are?"
And then my wife said exactly this:
“If Bush can invade Iraq, than I can do this.”
So I went over to Easter dinner and behaved with the snake handlers.
The Bush doctrine works.