Oh, it’s the latest trend at theaters here. The pre-show “entertainment” is now 20 minutes or so of commercials, maybe a lame music video from some lame band, a few 30 second clips from unfunny shows, all at EAR SPLITTING VOLUME. And then the show starts, and you endure two or three JOIN THE MARINES/DRUGS ARE BAD/WAAA WAA THIS MOVIE GUY ISN’T MAKING ANY MONEY commercials and then the usual movie theater BUY POPCORN! CONSUME! GET FAT! commercials. So then the trailers start and are usually various stupid movies with flavor-of-the-month pop stars and maybe one or two you want to see, but are all at EAR SPLITTING VOLUME, SO YOU CAN’T POSSIBLY LEAN OVER AND SAY “Hey, that looks good, let’s try and see that” to WHOEVER YOU’RE WITH.
All of this is at Ear-Splitting Volume.
Or, lemme do this modern-movie style…Make sure to turn your speakers up to 11.
Deep Movie Guy Voice: In a world…
Various ads: BUY COKE! BUY PEPSI! BUY SOMETHING!
DMVG: …where soulless marketing drones churn out ads…
(faceless drones in a meeting)
Drone #1: You know, people aren’t looking at enough ads.
Drone #2: I know! People like talking quietly before the movie starts. Why don’t we bombard them with loud obnoxious ads, instead?
Head Drone: Brilliant! Let’s go snort coke off some dead hookers!
DMVG: And some whiny movie guy may lose a dollar because of file-sharing…
Whiny Movie Guy: It was a WHOLE DOLLAR!
DMVG: Entertainment executives will finally piss people off, so they quit going to movies…
GMRyujin: Christ, I’m sick of these ads. I’ll wait for the DVD!
DMVG: Then they’ll blame Napster, like the RIAA…
Entertainment Executive: It can’t be because the movies suck. Ashton Kutcher and Hillary Duff remaking Casablanca tested high in all the surveys we took! It must be those damn kids with their computers.
DMVG: And it’ll be 2002 all over again…
Marketing Drone #3: You know what DVDs need? More ads!
Head Drone: Brilliant! More coke and dead hookers!
DMVG: Only worse. Coming in 2004. GMRyujin’s Melodramatic Post!