The Calorie Box Hypothetical

In My Humble Opinion
1

After Halloween our office celebrated Bring-in-the-candy-you-don’t-want-at-your-house-and-tempt-your-coworkers-with-it-oween, much the way I’m sure every other office did. And then Christmas came, bringing with it another round of office calorie dumping. Up next is Valentine’s Day. And every time it is the same exact thing, with people saying, “Oh, I really shouldn’t eat all of this” while buried elbow-deep in a bucket of candy. In looking at the glut of cheap, disposable calories we really don’t want a thought popped into my head.

What would happen if tomorrow a group of scientists invented a box where you could put any food you didn’t want (that was still edible) and send it back in time to any place and time you choose? You could send that bag of unwanted Snickers back to a group of French peasants in 1361 or those last couple of pieces of chocolate cake you know you shouldn’t have back to Shanghai in 1123. That beef stew you made that didn’t come out quite right could go to Uganda in 1937 or that cheese log your stupid cousin bought you for the holidays could be sent to Slonim in 1875. Let’s say they make a dozen of these boxes and place them in several big cities across the western world where people would have easy access to them to send all of their unwanted foodstuffs to people for whom starvation was constant fear.

Would people even bother to use the box? Would the people on the other end recognize what came through as food, and if they did would they eat it or would they assume that because it manifested out of nowhere that it must be possessed by demons? Would the food carry back with it modern diseases that would cause a plague? Would it be likely to appear in the middle of heavy woods or other unpopulated places and end up mostly feeding rats and other scavengers? How long would it be before charlatans began to take credit for these “miracles” as a way to scam money out of people?

2

Well, for one, Hitler would suddenly have so much food where his head used to be we’d have to start calling him the Hamburgler…

3

Lemme get a couple puffs of that, pbbth.

I think they would definitely eat it if they are hungry. The very real hunger in your belly will over ride any delusions about demons and shit.

4

:smiley: I’ve been reading a lot of historical non-fiction lately and every book I’ve read mentions the problem of starvation at some point. And then I go to work and they are all, “Hey, we’re ordering pizza for everyone! And have this leftover Halloween candy! And let’s have a potluck!” It just makes me wonder what might have happened if people hadn’t been so damn hungry for so many thousands of years, you know?

5

Here in San Francisco, land of the stringent recycling and compost laws, those boxes would be overflowing. I’d use it just to avoid having to separate the foodstuffs from their packaging. Not to mention figuring out the best way to get that nasty beef stew into the compost bag.

As for the other end, there’s a long tradition of food miraculously appearing (“manna from heaven”), so I think people would be willing to accept it.

6

I see no reason why people wouldn’t recognize modern food as edible, unless it had some extreme quality like being exceptionally spicy. Half the problem with our modern diet is because our hunger urges haven’t evolved beyond “caveman” days–we crave fat, sugar, salt, etc. and tasty foods have these in abundance. And the worst junk food is extremely nutritious to anyone whose primary concern is just getting enough calories.

7

I think most food would be recognizable as food, but some of it will be considered inedible. Unfamiliar fermented foods, in particular, are often off putting. Cheese, for example, is widely regarded in much of the world as stinky spoiled milk.