The Charmin Bears have no nostrils

Cafe Society
21

Thank you Cochrane. The other contributors to this thread should be ashamed of themselves for not going for this absolute gift until Post 20

22

I still think old phone books is an inspired TP repurpose.
I’m happy I stole all those from hotel rooms.
(Hush, I left the Gideon bibles) (;))

23

Good idea. You don’t to incur the wrath of God in that part of your body. Defecating frogs, locusts, livestock and fiery hail is quite painful…not to mention embarrassing. I learned that the hard way. :eek:

24

Now…I apologise for my digression, but do Charmin ads in your part of the world feature the bears singing a “Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch… Charminnn!” jingle?

Because they do in mine. And when you’ve worked in the outdoor industry and been a silly bugger as long as I have, it only takes one incidence of holding up a GPS and singing “G-G-G-G… Garminnn!” for it to be irrevocably stuck in your head and prone to recurrence every time you see one. And I own one.

25

I scored a 30 pack at Costco. I don’t need no stinkin’ badgers.

26

Not the honey badger. They don’t give a shit and they won’t take any either.

27

Ferrets are great for wiping your butt. Nice small head and a bit of a tail to hold on to as well.

Tried a weasel the other day, but they are not as compliant as ferrets.

Possums might work, but they tend to hiss a lot and the hairless tail is kind of off putting.

28

François Rabelais, quoted here.

29

Seriously, badgers are bad enough, who wants any smelly ones? Or …

We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers.

Wolverines!

Anyway: OTOH Daffy Duck and Donald Duck have teeth at times. It all balances out.

30

It is not recommended to use gerbils. These 2 guys found out the hard way. (Note: audio clip may be NSFW)

31

Make sure it’s not the honeybadger though. They are as amiable to the task for some reason. And you don’t want a pissed off honey badger around boys and girls.

32

*A great adventure is waiting for you ahead.
Hurry onward Lemmiwinks, for you will soon be dead.
The journey before you may be long and filled with woe.
But you must escape the gay man’s ass, or your tale can’t be told.

Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks, Lemmiwinks!*

33

I can say with some authority that substituting Lagomorphs for Mustelids is just asking for heartache. Not to mention using the stripy versions may cause more smell than it solves. You want a great substitute for rabbits, go with a Pika. They squeak when they’re at capacity!

34

We tried to save money by purchasing the porcupine 4 pack. Not recommended.

35

This thread reminds me. Years ago, Billy Idol song, “Eyes without a face…” In my idle musings I turned things around, to “Nostrils without a nose…” Of course that’s wrong, but sounds better than “Nose without nostrils…” Which brings us to OP’s thread title.

36

The 1% have bought up all the mink :mad:

37

Fergit the coin-op toilets. That’s so 20th century. Now, the TP dispensers are all coin-op. 35¢ for 3 squares (well, two weeks ago anyway), exact change required. And they have security guards at the door to prevent anyone from bringing their own.

38

You likely know this one:
Here I sit, broken-hearted;
Paid to shit and only farted.
No refunds, darn.

I’m way behind on modern culture so I don’t know if plastic bear squeeze bottles are available now. I’ve seen cheap addons that turn a squeeze bottle into a handheld bidet. That will solve several problems. 1) Sanitation. 2) Recycling. 3) Entertainment.

39

Customers who bought this also bought:

Camels
Spitting Cobras
Archerfish
Scorpion Flies
Spittle Bugs
Walruses

40

Teddy Salad?