ducati, I don’t think you’re an asshole at all. I think you’re doing what’s right for you at this time.
You know how some old people get religion? Well, sometimes before that they seem to get an itch for geneology. lol (Not really old, but starting.) Maybe when your life isn’t so hectic you might want to delve deeper into your other family. Maybe not. But you’ve got lots of time and will know if the time ever feels right.
Missy2U, you’ve got a triple whammy going on…your mother was adopted. You were adopted. Your daughter was adopted. It’s almost a family tradition. 
Our family is kind of the same way. There are five of us adoptees, of different generations. (Male sterility runs in the family and is the reason for most of the adoptions.)
What a Modern Family episode these kinds of scenerios would be. 
Just looking in, mostly, to see what’s up. I feel like I’m there with you. Anticipation/anxiety. Exileration/bow up and whoa.
Take a deep breath and breathe.
(hijack)
I tried to Google to see if there were any studies that suggested a higher percentage of adoptees became birth parents themselves, but couldn’t find anything. Is there a known link or is it just a statistical anomaly that three generations of Missy’s family have been raised by adoptive families?
I nearly started a thread to ask this earlier. If Missy has any objection to discussing it here, I’ll ask a mod to break this off into its own thread.
If you want, you can stop the tears for 20 minutes or so while mine flow freely. WOW!
No answer yet to my email but it’s Father’s Day - it would be a bit awkward I would think. I’ll wait and see what comes up later tonight and tomorrow.
And if I don’t hear from her, I don’t hear - I’m not going to push it. Like I told her - this is on HER terms. Still - the suspense every time I log into my email. Sigh.
Thanks everyone, for your thoughts and insight. I’ll keep you updated. 
And Shirley - I send you hugs! I’ve known you for years - I send major hugs.
WOW! Congratulations Missy2U! My son and I found each other (we were both searching) when he was 26 and it’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
My stomach is all roiled up just remembering that first day when he contacted me - what a hell of a day that was. It’s been 16 years now; I have two grandsons and a great relationship with my son.
I wish you all the luck in the world with your daughter.
Ten year ago, I was you. She was 27, I could hardly breath. We had a first exchange of snail mail letters, but otherwise just as you’ve described.
I totally feel for you. It was so unexpected for me, as I was not looking, it bowled me over. Remembering to breathe is the very best advice.
We have an awesome relationship, she is now married with a child. My grandchild. Her parents are fabulous and we all adore each other. She is magnificent and beautiful and accomplished. On a scale I could not have dreamt!
We went at our own pace. Against a world telling us to hold a reunion, invite the whole family! We are, neither that way, and if you’re not feeling it, having it pressed on you, is really awful. She has met more of my friends than my family. Some of whom were rebuffed when they tried to force their way in. For us, it’s about us two, everyone else is just fluff!
I found the most important thing was to struggle to always be authentic. I think the most important thing for her, was knowing that I thought of her, over those years. (If you’re adopted, I promise you, your mother thinks of you all the damn time. Truly.) I told her I thought of her once for every star in the night sky. Not a lie.
Don’t give her more info than she wants, the gory details of a bad relationship, can wait until she asks. Don’t feel obligated to seek out someone you describe as a ‘waste of air’, let that come from her, in her time. Do not push the concept on her, keep it to yourself until she raises it.
When it was early days, and I was a hot mess, lots of tears and unbased fears, someone told me that the experience, I was about to have, was simply the second half of something I’d already begun, many years ago. For some reason that helped me. I’d already survived the worst. Reunion had to be easier than surrendering was, to my mind.
Anyway, I wish you nothing but luck, can’t wait to hear as it unfolds, and am sending tsunamis of calming vibes your way!
I’m a grandmother! And she looks like me (my daughter - not my granddaughter)! And my granddaughter is ADORABLE! And she wants to meet - and she’s overwhelmed - and so am I - and we’re sticking to email for right now - and I’m trying to figure out what to say - and the letter I gave to the agency when she was born for her to explain what was going on is her most treasured posession - and I’m losing it. 
Now that I got all that out - I heard back - she’s as thrilled as I am and we’re going to stick with email at first so as not to overwhelm - she has a three month old daughter so is quite busy with that (of course). We’re geographically not close but she said her husband and she talked about it (he’s THRILLED for her she said) and said they definitely wanted to come up and meet.
I’ts been quite a day. And I’m a GRANDMA! I’m fortyfreakinsix - how can I be a GRANDMA? And she looks like me - I forwarded the pics to my mom - she started crying. And then my husband yelled out (I was on the phone with my mom at the time) that that made her a GREAT Grandma. She was not amused and told my husband to shut it. She NEVER has said shut it.
Phew - now I just have to fininsh work for the day, and figure out what to write back!
elbows - thank you SO MUCH for your wisdom and compassion - I’m printing out what you said and will keep it with me. Again - THANK YOU! You have no idea what your words mean to me right now.
Missy - Wow! Just wow! Congratulations for it all coming together so beautifully.
StG
OMG, that is horrible.
Missy, Im sending good vibes your way ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
How wonderful, grandma!
I’m all smilies reading your post!
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Grandmissy2U:eek:
All in good fun, I am glad this has worked out for you
CAPT
I’m so happy for you! Hugs all around.
GrannyMiss, congrats!
Congratulations! I’m so pleased for you and your daughter.
Wow - you got a bonus!! How exciting!!!
Two for the price of one, you might say.
StG
Congratulations! I’m happy for you.
Congrats! This is a happy day.