Inspired by this post about Danny Kaye, and because, let’s face it, there just aren’t enough clerihews in this forum, it’s time for The Clerihew Thread…
Danny Kaye
Wasn’t rampantly gay.
He dwelt in the closet
Biographers posit.
Miss Mary Carey
Didn’t get past California’s primary.
But her positions on issues
Had many a male voter using up tissues.
Al Gore
Consummate bore
Couldn’t even get
Credit for the Internet
George W. Bush
Is cordially invited to kiss my tush.
He’s never done an honest’s day’s work
and I’m mighty damn tired of that smirk.
[sub]I love clerihews![/sub]
Mel Gibson
Psychotoschismatic-Catholic peddler-of-fibs’ son
Blames all wars on the Jews
When he’s hitting the booze
Stephen Colbert
Don’t even go there:
Just leave Bill O’Reilly
To do his stuff in a big O’ piley
Has acting chops beyond romancin’.
With Woody Allen she matched wits
And flashed one awesome pair of…eyes.
Had a career he seems destined to lose.
His shilling campaign for the late L. Ron Hubbard
Should earn him a VIP suite, thickly rubbered.
Michael Jackson
Don’t turn your back, son
Billie Jean may not have had his kid
But it’s no telling who else did
Samuel L. Jackson
Is not Anglo-Saxon
And makes no apology
For aeronautical herpetology
Judith Martin
Has this to say about fartin’:
If you absolutely must make such a noise,
Try to retain your poise.
Mel Gibson
Has Hollywood dibs on
Decrying all Jewry
In his drunken fury
Bravo!
My favourite clerihew still has to be one written by an anonymous reader in the letters page of 2000AD comic many years ago:
Judge Dredd
Has a bullet head
And a lantern jaw
He is the law
Steven Colbert
Bill O’Reilly’s parodic bugbear
Has great big balls
But bears set him climbing the walls
John Stewart
Exposes and mocks all manner of old and of new dirt
His crew of comedic chain-yankers
Consistently outperform all the overpaid corporate-owned real-life anchors
The solemn
Should studiously avoid the message board spun off Unca Cecil’s column;
They talk about Og,
And 1920s style “Death Rays”, coming back with pies, things happening once for 20 minutes in 1960, the ownership of bases, and burning your dog.
The Winner!
If there’s any point in going on…
Jessi Klein
Is funny, sexy, and fine.
I don’t wanna read her celebrity blog;
I just wanna be her dog.
The first line of a clerihew is supposed to be (or include) a person’s name.