Shortly after graduating from college, I did a volunteer stint at a local theater, reading plays submitted by playwrights for consideration for future seasons. During orientation, it was explained that we would pick up the scripts in the business office, read them, and return the scripts with our comments to her in-box.
At the conclusion of orientation, she said in a loud, cheerful voice, “So. I bet you’d like to see my box.”
I blinked and was not entirely successful in suppressing my juvenile smirk. She realized what she said, blushed, and said, “You know what I mean.”
I said, a little too jocular, “Yes I do.”
Then we went into the back room and bow chicka bow bow… Not really. We just went and looked at her box.
“She” and “her,” of course, refer to the assistant to the artistic director who would be coordinating our script reviews, as I should have explained for the story to make sense. :rolleyes:
Purdue University. Thermodynamics class. Very curvaceous TA teaching on the general topic of fluid dynamics, and mentions the engineering term, ‘head’. Class dismissed…
For a wedding present, my husband made our daughter-in-law a wooden keepsake box, handcrafted and very lovely. Fast forward a few months to their first visit after the honeymoon. Several of the newly married couple’s friends are at dinner with me and my husband. Talk is getting a little bawdy what with everyone making honeymoon jokes. The Mister is easily embarassed, so he tries to change the sugject. He turns to our new daughter-in-law and says: “So, Mary, how is your box holding up?” Mary and I look at each other and both start whooping with laughter. I literally wound up on the floor, gasping for air with that one.
Back in high school, I remember one assembly very well.
The IT/Comp Sci teacher got up clutching a bunch of mouses by their cords.
He said:
“These mice, from the senior lab, have had their balls removed. They’re absolutely useless without them, and I think it was a cruel prank to remove them in the week before the final exams. If anyone wants to return the balls to make me and the mice happy, no-one will get detention. Remember, mice are no good without balls!”.
I was practically rolling on the floor by the time he was done.
One of my co-workers is a veritable fountain of these.
He’s very christian, and none of us have ever heard him discuss a dirty subject or even say a mild swear word, so the obvious unintentionalness of them makes them even funnier.
A few of the more recent ones have been (on the phone to mortgage brokers):
“I’m going to try to squeeze it in, but it’s going to be tight.”
“…just sitting here trying to rub one out.”
And my all-time personal favorite:
“I’ll jump on top of it and plow right through it.”
When I was in college there was a fast food place near the campus (not one of the major chains). A bunch of us went down there just before closing one night to pick up some burgers etc. They had some cherry turnovers left in the warming tray (or whatever it’s called) which they were going to have to throw out anyway, so the cashier said we could have them free if we wanted them. Obviously we took advantage of this. When we got back to the dorm I decided I didn’t want mine so I turned to one of the other guys and said, “Steve, you want my cherry?”
I then compounded the error by clarifying (as everyone else was laughing), “No, I mean do you wanna turnover?”
In Sweden the word for mouse is also slang, with a similar meaning to such faunic slang as beaver, pussy etc in english.
Computer usage leads to interesting double entendres.
Took us about a half hour to stop laughing after our boss shouted from her office “Hey Nick, my mouse feels funny, can you come over here and feel my mouse?”.
Repetative stress injury is called “mouse arm”… Like tennis elbow, 'cept dirty.
I had an adatomy teacher who missed masticate (as in musles of) and spent the rest of the hour trying to cover it up but resuelted in letting every one know what she realy said.
spelling and grammer subject to change without notice.
First year politics lecture, early in the first term, so about 75% of the class are suffering the dreaded fresher’s flu, coughing and spluttering as the lecturer keeps having to stop and repeat himself as he forgets where he got to. Helpfully he made the following suggestion “I always find it to be quite soothing to suck a Fisherman’s Friend, when I have a cough.” Of course, the last part of his sentence was lost in the laughter and renewed coughing of 90-or-so students.
You know, I’ve been waiting a long time to do my part towards fighting ignorance, but I think I’ll have to delurk for this thread.
My freshman year of high school, the physical science teacher liked to end every chapter with a discussion. Due to the fact most of our discussions got rather heated, he felt it was neccessary to warn us to remain civil. He was doing fine until he uttered the words "And I know all of you are master debaters ".
I think we made it a whole ten seconds before all hell broke loose. The best part was when the principal came by and asked what all the noise was about?
It’s also amazing just how much of science can be turned into masturbation jokes.
You know, I’ve been waiting a long time to do my part towards fighting ignorance, but I think I’ll have to delurk for this thread.
My freshman year of high school, the physical science teacher liked to end every chapter with a discussion. Due to the fact most of our discussions got rather heated, he felt it was neccessary to warn us to remain civil. He was doing fine until he uttered the words "And I know all of you are master debaters ".
I think we made it a whole ten seconds before all hell broke loose. The best part was when the principal came by and asked what all the noise was about?
It’s also amazing just how much of science can be turned into masturbation jokes.
