Alright, I have two really funny stories. However, it means I’m going to have to admit something really embarrassing about myself. sigh Alright, here goes: I didn’t want to have to move home between second and third year. I was desperate for a job. So, I applied to Wal-Mart. Anyway, since I showed up a majority of the time sober, I was promoted quickly to working at the Returns desk.
Man: I’d like to return a pair of shoes.
Me: Alright sir, what happens to be the problem with them?
Man: Nothing, I just don’t want them.
Me: Alright, if you could just put them on the counter for me, or maybe pull them out of your bag???
Man: Hang on. wheezes as he bends over, and removes the shoes he’s wearing from his sockless feet
Me:…!!!..Sir, can you put those in this plastic bag for me?
Him: Why?
Me: I’m not touching those.
Stare down commences VERY awkward and gross.
Fast forward to my most current job, dealing cards at a casino.
Man: You’re kinda cute, can I buy you dinner sometime?
Me: Isn’t that your girlfriend sitting beside you?
Yeah, a number of people get broken by Get Fit. The second time I went into the GF flight, the Dorm Chief was a guy we called “Limpy”, due to his name being kinda similar to that, and the fact that he blew out his knee in Get Fit. Soon after I went in, he went to MedHold and then got sent home on a Medical discharge.
Well, we had one guy who stole a cell phone from another trainee (he claimed that the trainee had initially stolen an iPod from him), who was also suspected of stealing pay phone passes from CQ, and who had broken into the controlled meds room and overdosed along with three other trainees (one male, two female, making for a nice double-date) on Triple-Cs, earning all of us the priviledge of having our lockers and security drawers gone through at 4AM, followed by urinalysis tests. I’m not going to say his name, of course, as he has since been seperated from the Air Force, and has hopefully gone on to a civilian life involving mildly less BSing those around him and more staying out of trouble.
When I was there, there was the Pee-Pee Guard, who would stand outside the open stall and watch each person use the toilet to make sure they didn’t leave a mess. Rather embarrassing and degrading for pretty much everyone involved, but it never came up while I was in B6.
There was a tech sergeant from BAS who would do a briefing every week or so about the different kinds of stress and how people respond, and he told a story about the Pet Camel.
One day, a flight falls out for chow. One trainee, somewhat strangely, is holding one arm out, like he’s holding something in his clenched hand.
“TRAINEE NICKLENUTS, WHAT THE PISS ARE YOU DOING?”
“Sir, Trainee Nicklenuts reports as ordered! I am taking my pet camel to chow, Sir!”
“THERE IS NO CAMEL, NICKLENUTS!”
“He’s right here, Sir! I’m holding his reigns!”
That night, around 10PM, Trainee Nicklenuts is awoken by his MTI.
“Nicklenuts! Your fucking camel just crapped all over my day room floor! Go clean it up!”
So Trainee Nicklenuts had to sweep and mop the entire floor, and towel it dry, before going back to bed. Soon after, he is awoken again to clean up another mess his camel has left, and this repeats throughout the night.
The next morning, the flight falls out for chow, and Trainee Nicklenuts’s hand is at his side like everyone elses.
“NICKLENUTS! WHERE THE PISS IS YOUR CAMEL?!”
“Sir, Trainee Nicklenuts reports as ordered! I shot him, Sir!”
Heh, one girl I met while I was in 319 was there for 9 months before being returned to duty on a marching/PT waiver (She apparently managed to blow out her knee during her 6th week of training, after the PT evals). On her graduation day, she violated her marching waver so she could march down the Bomb Run (kind of a big deal at BMT), and she blew out her knee during the ceremony and got sent right back to 319 as a Holdover Airman. Two or three months later, she was still in 319 when I was sent back to training, but word was that she was getting a medical discharge, with the option of re-enlisting after her knee had healed and going to tech school as a Prior-Service Airman.
We joked that the MTIs asked her how things worked in the squadron because she had been there longer.
Don’t feel bad! I’ve worked there for a couple of years now, part of it working returns (awkward), management (awkward), and in the pharmacy (awkward sometimes.) My favorite return ever was a guy who brought in a plunger, laid it up on the counter, and says “I just used this once and it broke. Can I go exchange it?” :eek: :eek:
“Umm, yes! Get a bottle of Lysol on your way back!” I didn’t actually ask him to get the Lysol, but I should have.
The saddest one that I’ve seen was a homeless man who hung out at our McDonald’s a lot of the time. He would come in, get a coffee, and occasionally a double cheeseburger, and sit for hours. He had some sort of medical device that he had to wear to breathe when it was cold outside, and although he was unwashed, he was extraordinarily friendly. So one day, someone comes up to a manager and complains about him. What in the world could he have been doing? Masturbating under the table. We had to ban him. Crazy guy.
Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the Sock Monkeys? They’re soft, cuddly, and always smiling. I think I’m gonna have to start taking my sock monkey out to eat occasionally. I just hope she likes Mexican.
I don’t really feel bad, it’s just that uttering the word Wal-Mart elicits some very serious knee jerk reactions from people, and I was just hoping to avoid that whoooole conversation!
A woman once returned a USED pregnancy test, because it didn’t give conclusive results. She handed me a box, with a urine stick inside, all for $5. :smack:
I think the masturbating man may take the cake though!
Way back in the forever ago (I was 14 at the time) I worked at a Little mom & pop operation called The Popcorn Shop. That’s all they sold. Popcorn. Nothing but popcorn. Buttered popcorn. Chocolate popcorn. Strawberry. Licorice. Vanilla. 14 flavors in all and, oh yeah … and the best caramel popcorn on the planet. (They sold caramel popcorn quite literally by the 30 lb. bag. We had regular customers that would line up to buy 30 lb. bags every Friday.)
Man walks in with family. Walks up to the counter. “Gimme four hamburgers, fries, two cokes and two rootbeers.”
Me: “uhhh …”
Man: “And make that to go. We’re in a hurry.”
Me: “Sir, This is The Popcorn Shop. All we sell is popcorn.”
Man: “Okay, then give us some popcorn with the burgers, fries, and drinks. To go. We’re in a hurry.”
Me: "Sir, we don’t sell burgers, fries, or drinks. Just popcorn.
Man: “What kind of a [pit language omitted] place is this???” [Proceeds to go ballistic. Seriously batshit crazy. Gets very ugly. Results in broken display cases, customers and hired help running amok trying to find another exit, followed by police, handcuffs, and (I hope) a permanent domicile with padded walls.]
2) When I was 16, I worked at a motel as a bellman. Also ran room service orders from the restaurant out to the rooms.
Fourth night on the job: Picked up an order. Went to room. Knocked on door. Lady answers door. Nude. And, ahhh, moist. 2nd Lady on bed. Nude. And, shall we say, ahhh, somewhat stretched out?
Me: :eek:
1st Lady: "Damn. Thought we’d have a few more minutes. Oh well, can you just put that on our bill?
Me, trying very hard to maintain my composure: “Yeah, sure. Just sign here …”
1st Lady, sly grin from ear to ear: "Don’t have my purse with me, catch ya later for the tip?
Me: “Ahhh, sure. You bet. Later.”
2nd Lady: "Hey, you’re cute! Why don’t you just join us? Betcha that’d be the best tip y’all had this week!
Me:
wait a minute … :dubious:
look at 1st Lady, grinning at my predicament: “She’s serious! C’mon in …”
I spent a year working in a videogame/pinball arcade (this was during the Pac-Man craze of the early 80s), and a couple of times a day I would have this conversation with a customer:
Customer: Where’s the restroom?
Me: We don’t have a public restroom.
Customer: That’s against the law!
Me: [silence]
Maybe it was against the law – I had no idea and I didn’t much care. But the fact remained that the arcade was constructed without public restrooms. Did people think that arguing with me would cause restrooms to materialize? Or did they’d think I’d cave in under their relentless logic and lead them back into the employees-only restroom?
The question is had she paid for it in the first place? At the one I worked at for a year, we were always finding used tests in the bathroom. Um, people, if you can’t afford five or six bucks for the cheapest pregnancy tests, how the hell do you think you’re gonna be able to afford a kid? Perhaps you should have stolen some condoms a few weeks ago instead?
"Sir, we don’t sell burgers, fries, or drinks. Just popcorn.
