Years ago, I worked at a resort with a girl who was a little older then me. She was very pretty, petite and well liked. But she would just burp and fart all the time. Loud ones, smelly ones. Then she would giggle about it. Everyone around her giggled too and said “Oh, you’re so cute.” I was a little disgusted.
The other day, I was watching that show about Jessica Simpson and she did the same thing.
Now, I know everyone farts and burps, I try not be so obvious about it. I just don’t think anyone would be giggling if I let a big, loud, smelly one go, like that.
My “cute office chick” gets paid twice as much as I do, lives by the late comedian Freddie Prinze’s motto: “That’s not my job” and the only thing she’s exceptional at is complaining.
She recently graduated from being just “Useless” to “COMPLETELY useless” when my purse was stolen from behind my desk by a stranger who wandered into our office…She was the only person facing the door and “didn’t see anything.”
“I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth”
And let’s face it, Janis Ian in that leather outfit was nothing to omit from my sexual fantasies — even knowing she was a lesbian.
She was quite a poet.
I do know my wife (who is a cutie, no doubt about it) has been let off time and time again with a warning where I have gotten tickets. I’ve just had to learn to drive more carefully. She has learned to bat her eyelashes more quickly. As her hair gets more gray, she just gets cuter. Not fair at all.
May she be granted beauty and yet not
Beauty to make a stranger’s eye distraught,
Or hers before a looking-glass, for such,
Being made beautiful overmuch,
Consider beauty a sufficient end,
Lose natural kindness and maybe
The heart-revealing intimacy
That chooses right, and never find a friend.
…
In courtesy I’d have her chiefly learned;
Hearts are not had as a gift but hearts are earned
By those that are not entirely beautiful.
The trick is, to not let them get away with anything.
I’ve had a few attractive girlfriends, though I wouldn’t call myself anything more than average, and it was only because I treated them like I’d treat my little brother. Constant joking insults, calling them on every wrong-doing, and even s afew punches and noogies.
For whatever reason, this makes me more interesting, and next thing I know…
As an unattractive, bitter young man, I had a job where I was in charge of a couple hundred people, many of them high school or college students. I loved it when someone screwed up at work and tried to pull the ol’ cuteness ploy on me. Because then I would fire them. Mwahaha.
There is also nothing more entertaining than saying “no” to that certain type of beautiful woman who is used smiling to get what she wants. When you say “no” (or, “I don’t care, have it on my desk tomorrow morning”, or whatever) the mask slips for a second, and you get to see the spoilt fucking brat behind it. And boy is the brat pissed
DISCLAIMER: As I said, this applies only to that specific breed of pretty-bitch, and I have nothing whatsoever against beautiful women. Mmmm beautiful women…
Wow. Men, even homely ones, getting to say no. “Hmm, I know that I would gladly lick you from head to toe if you asked me to but just this time, because I am your boss and thats not what your asking for, no.”
A close friend in high school was one of those pretty girls. But she was nice as well. The downside she confided to me about 12 years later is that when you see people now after all this time they look for signs of unhappiness, weight gain, misery- to make themselves feel better. It was hurtfull to see their glee and hear their unchecked remarks she moaned.
