The Dark Lord of Middle-earth (reluctantly) congratulates Senator Kerry

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Breaking News! Breaking News! Breaking News!

His Dread Majesty Annatar Sauron Gorthaur, by the Grace of Melkor Dark Lord of Middle-earth, Sovereign Despot of Mordor, etc., etc., just recently rendered His official congratulations to Senator Kerry of Massachusetts on winning the United States of America Presidential Election of the Two Thousand and Fourth Year of the Common Era. Whereas His Dread Majesty is a supporter of current President Bush II and desires that he would win, He recognizes that the little people of Middle-earth have spoken through their votes. As the United States of America is not Mordor, His will cannot be enforced therein.

“We have done all what We can do,” His Dread Majesty remarked. “It is not in Our hands.” The denizens of Mordor lamented, weeped, sighed, and expressed their outrage at this unprecedented defeat of their Dread Dark Lord’s desires. Lograg, captain of the Seventh Orcs Regiment, did say, “Oooh, who’s lordy lord now?” Lograg was last seen being taken for refreshments by an emissary of the Nazgul; he has not been seen since.

“We extend Our congratulations and best wishes to the Senator,” His Dread Majesty said. “Although We would have liked the results to be otherwise, you are the people’s choice. The people have chosen Kerry. In recognition of Our impotence in assuring otherwise, We have submitted to the inevitable. May you, Kerry, rule wisely, and may your people not regret electing you.”

The Dark Lord muttered in the presence of the Witch-King of Angmar, “We hope We are proven wrong.” When the Witch-King did not get His drift, His Dread Majesty repeated. “We do most sincerely hope that We are proven to be wrong.” The Nazgul have since left Mordor for locations as yet unknown.

By Barduk Likmardrag, reporter for The Mordor Daily.
2038 hours, Tuesday, November 2, 2004 CE.

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Bwahahahahaha.

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This just in!

The Press Secretary of the Office of His Dread Majesty the Dark Lord informed The Mordor Times that His Dread Majesty has withdrawn His congratulations to Senator Kerry and in its stead extended a very hearty and enthusiastic congratulations to President Bush II. The Press Secretary also stated that the Dark Lord is on record for saying, “It seems that We have, indeed, been proven wrong. Imagine that.”

In related news, the Nazgul have returned to Mordor, although where They went to is as of yet unknown. A press representative of the Nazgul declined to give details concerning Their recent activities, although he did mention that the Dark Lord mentioned something about major promotions for all nine of Them, “as if more promotions were even possible.”

All the loyal subjects of Mordor have been in a festive mood, celebrating with gusto, after the Dark Lord’s Press Secretary’s statement. When asked why he was celebrating, orc Dargar said, “I dunno. Dark Lord happy, we happy. I no ask why. Ask why, often you die.”

The press representative of the Nazgul informed The Mordor Times that orc Lograg, who was missing earlier, “accidently drowned in his lemonade while chatting with His Dread Highness the Witch-King of Angmar.”

All of Mordor sighs with relief that this contentious election has come to a speedy resolution.

By Barduk Likmardrag, reporter for The Mordor Daily.
1126 hours, Wednesday, November 3, 2004 CE.