Alright…here’s the deal. Ask me a question and the answer I give you will involve a dead poodle. Pretty simple…I think.
How many of my dead poodles did you know (Merlin was one)?
The Dead Poodle Answer Kid (D-Pak) is in no way affiliated with any actual dead poodles. Any resemblance to other dead poodles in this thread, real or fictional, is coincidental…yada yada, you have the right to remain a dead poodle, and so on…
Where is my bookmark? You know, the purple velvet one that I got for my 15th birthday.
Ah…yes, your purple velvet bookmark. Well, as I was constructing a coffin for champ (a DP), I ran out of purple velvet. It’s still easily retrievable, just go to the pet cemetery (or semetery, depending on how much cheap horror you watch) and dig it up. The coffin is made out of oak. Real nice, you should recognize it. You may have to shift the contents a little because I think I lined the bottom with it.
Thank you!
How far apart should I plant my tulip bulbs?
How much cache space should I allocate for a database that is estimated to go as high as 1.2 gig recordcount with approximately 300-500 transactions per second?
who’d win in a fight between a Viking and a Pirate?
How can I tell my boss off and still keep my pathetic job?
When doing multilingual web pages and checking for Unicode compatibility, should I use server-side includes to check, should I shove everything through an app on the server after querying the environment variables, or are in-page page-shifting scripts like the “Kameleono” the way to go?
Is it healthier to eat noodle or strudel as I draw randomly?
What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?
hee-hee-hee
good one, lieu ! 
What is your favorite model of 1920’s Style Death Ray?
Who would win: and unprepared Batman or a prepared poodle? And, how would you prepare the poodle, Szechuan style? And does that come with or without rice as a side?
Back in the 40’s (or 70’s-have a tough time rememberin these days) I used to plant tulip bulbs with my old dog Gerkenschleimer. Unfortunately he was run over by a cigarette truck which bore the same label as the brand that my obnoxious father-in-law has smoked for the past 50 or so years. Though my father in law is still living, breathing, and swearing (mainly at me), old Gerk passed away shortly after. Uh…what was the question? Oh yeah…about 4 inches or so.
You should probably consider the allocated equivancy dioctatorial equation in this, which states that the amount of space is directly proportional to the number of dead poodles it takes to fill your computer room and/or office. I would suggest researching this on a weekend or anytime when your wife/boss/parakeet isn’t home to get in the way of your DP stacking. Then, as an early anniversary surprise for your boss/wallabee/significant other, you can leave the dead poodles there!
Being as today is Nation Talk like Pirate Day (not to be confused with National Talk to my Privates day, which has lost me three jobs and countless sexual harassment suits), I am inclined to favor the pirate. It is, however, a matter of who kills whose poodle first. You see, in ancient Vikington and Piratopia, there was a tradition of keeping poddles as mascots aboard the ships. The Viking’s would give their poodles helemts with horns and the pirates tried to give their poodles parrots with eye-patches, but this ended up causing them to blindly chase their shoulders around in circles until the eventual ran into the piranha infested waters of Vikington. So, the game was similar to capture the flag in that it wasn’t anything like it. The team whose poodle dies first had to run around in the Pirate boxers or their Viking briefs and sing a medley of “Like a Virgin” and "Hit me Baby One More Time. Yeah…scary stuff.
There is no better way to get rid of anger than to take it out on an innocent poodle. This especially works for disgruntled underlings. DON’T tell your boss off. He is insecure and would most likely fire you on the spot. Take all that built up rage that he’s given you, plus the supressed memories from your childhood and maybe some college years angst, and take it all out on a poodle. But don’t kill the poodle. You want to have something to go back to when your spouse leaves you.
Screw bilangual web sites, man. All they do is make life harder. Just kill yourself a poodle, strip its fur, and makes yourself a nice comfortable couch to sit on while you’re viewing good old fashion American pages! Yeah! Land of the free and home of the dead poodles!
When drawing with your hand
Take to heart this advice, my man
Do not eat noodle
Do not eat stroodle
Rather take a tip from the Koreanese
Boil a pot of water and soon you’ll please
Your lovely kids, your lovely wife
And all your days, yes sir-all your strife
When you throw that poodle in
Don’t think of it’s poodle-kin
Just hit it’s head and knock it out
So that it won’t yelp or shout
You see, the poodle it must live
If a tastey meal you are to give
Then, your doodling will be artistic
No, I don’t mind if you call me sadistic
**
Actually I’m a virgin. But my poodle looked like he was having the best hump of his life on the mailman’s leg last week. Unfortunately the mailman had plans of his own after work, which involved a sniper rifle and the tower in the park. Moral of the story: Don’t let a dog in heat around a carrier who’s packin’ heat.
**
Since no tests have been done to conclusively name the “Best 1920’s Style Death Ray” (which should be the next new category in the Tony’s), I feel further testing is needed. What, you ask, should we test it on? Why, poodles, of course. They are man’s best friend. Wouldn’t it be logical, then, to conclude that if something is capable of killing man’s best friends, it is also capable of killing man. Maybe it wouldn’t, but I’m not in the logic department. I’m int he dead poodle department.
Well, assuming you can keep Alfred from trying to add too much ground cumen to the poodle, I think the poodle would. Any dead poodle prepared Stetsen style would be enough to send Bruce Wayne’s tastebuds into a non-stop rollercoaster of…something. Yes, I think rice would come as a side-in which case it would be wearing a yellow cape.
But what if the client is Australian, the web pages are in Esperanto, the web developer is Canadian, and the poodles are all French? What then, eh? Eh?
Also, should I use a standard or a toy poodle? I’m worried that a toy poodle may prove too distracting in the mifddle of a paragraph, but a standard poodle means that I’ll be scraping my outbound bandwidth limits by the endof the third week of the month.
The Self-Appointed Non-Credentialled Dead-Poodle-ologist is obliged to point out that the answer given to Question 6 (“How can I tell my boss off and still keep my pathetic job?”) did not involve either a dead poodle (5 pts.) or the killing of a poodle (3 pts., poss. 3 pt. bonus for creativity), but merely poodle abuse which, while entertaining, is a scratch fault in Dead Poodleopoly.
The Challenger is invited to try again, keeping in mind that if he does not want to take a mulligan, he must hit the Dead Poodle where it lies.
If one would simply take a closer look, one would recognize a hypothetical reference to a dead poodle. There were no specific guidelines setup to indicate how directly one referred to the dead poodle-just that the answer would involve a dead poodle. In the book of the great D-PAK, this is declared both correct and fair. Lo siento mi amigo.
Then, eliminate ther server-side malfunctional unit protocol device-type-thing by killing the French poodles and replacing them with Canadian poodles. Canadian poodles get along with everyone, have low crime rates and cheap prescription drugs, and ride around on horses saying “eh” and “hosier” all the time.
Standard or toy-it doesn’t matter, as long as it’s dead. Try using a dead standard poodle in instances of high outboard bandaids or whatever, but when attempting to catch the slanty eyes of your Esperantese buddies, use a dead toy poodle.
These are all good questions. Keep them coming.