I don’t mind the decrease in formality though I will adhere to it when I know that the person with whom I am conversing is a cantankerous 90 year old who fully expects to be called “sir” even if we’re colleagues, nor will I get bent out of shape when I’m referred to as “Miss”. On the other hand, it seems consideration is on the downturn and I find people’s attitudes towards proper behaviour to focus on entirely on the self.
[QUOTE=Maureen]
I should add:
Ordering dinner for a lady. Thank you, I’m sure you think you’re being nice, but I know what I want to eat.
[/QUOTE]
At dinner (for a small group / if I can remember) I will order for the whole table, if just my wife and I, I will certainly order for her… AFTER determining what she wants. I feel this is good manners as the host / most senior at the table to deal with the ordering. BTW - If I am ordering, I am also picking up the tab 
[QUOTE=Maureen]
Standing when a lady enters the room. I was only one of two people who even knew about it.
[/QUOTE]
I won’t stand when a lady enters the room, but in a restaurant setting I do hold the chair for her / stand until she is seated, and in most circumstances I will hold the car door for her. (if it matters to the discussion I am 32)
[QUOTE=catsix]
I have absolutely no idea why, but this is at the absolute bottom of my list for preferred modes of address. I prefer Cat to Ms. Six and both of those over Ms. Cat.
For some reason, Ms. Cat is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I don’t know if it’s just a Southern thing anymore either, since I live in Pittsburgh and it happens often here now.
I really prefer to be addressed by my first name, because when it’s Title Lastname, I look for my mother. It just seems weird to me to think of myself as Ms. Six.
[/QUOTE]
I could have written this post, and I (IIRC) am ten years your senior.
[QUOTE=catsix]
I have absolutely no idea why, but this is at the absolute bottom of my list for preferred modes of address. I prefer Cat to Ms. Six and both of those over Ms. Cat.
For some reason, Ms. Cat is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I don’t know if it’s just a Southern thing anymore either, since I live in Pittsburgh and it happens often here now.
I really prefer to be addressed by my first name, because when it’s Title Lastname, I look for my mother. It just seems weird to me to think of myself as Ms. Six.
[/QUOTE]
I get this a lot, and it bugs the hell out of me…
Call up the Credit Card help line
Operator…how should I address you?
Me ..christian name speaking
Operator…**Mr ** Christian name…
Me…actually, if I wanted to be called Mr I would…aw shit forget it, too much effort to explain
But then - I am in Singapore, and the concept of english and word meaning is not so great here…
[QUOTE=Bippy the Beardless]
A lot of what was considered good manners really wasn’t well mannered at all. They were simply left overs from more socially and sexually segregated times.
[/QUOTE]
Good point. When watching an old movie and marvelling at the manners, mores, and service, one can almost lose track of the fact that the characters are nearly all educated, middle class or higher whites.
We are now much more inclusive of multiple ethnicities and cultures. But it seems to me (this IS IMHO) that efforts towards inclusion may fail to acknowledge some legtimate hierarchies concerning the desireability of various behaviors. Society seems to gravitate towards the more casual, as well as towards being more self-centered. Not just selfishness, but almost a refusal to acknowledge that one’s actions impact others, and just figuring the other people have to deal with your preferences.
More casual is generally easier - the fact is manners can cost some (generally minimal) effort. What is presented as chosen casualness, I feel can often be attributed to laziness.
No, folks should not have to stifle themselves. But OTOH, a little respect for one’s fellow humans is not always a bad thing.
[QUOTE=gfloyd]
I do not now, nor ever have I, understand why someone who is 35 deserved more respect, ie being called Mr. or Ms., than someone who is 13.
[/QUOTE]
The theory is that the 35-year-old has lived longer, has become wiser, paid his dues, and has more to teach a 12-year-old than vice versa. (Of course, we know this is not true in every case.) And I do think that, barring any disqualifying behavior, a person *should *gain more respect with age. It’s also way to control distance. You can, of course, invite someone to call you by your first name, and there was such a time when that gesture implied a certain increase in intimacy. In English, we have lost the familiar form of “you” but in romance languages like French, as a sign of respect you address someone as “vous” until invited to say “tu.” (Although I understand this custom has thinned among the younger generations.) Lacking this token, Mr. and Ms. is what we have left.
I will not allow my neighbors’ kids or my kids’ friends to call me by my first name.
I think a lot of the refusal to be called by an honorific (in general, not necessarily in gfloyd’s case) is from the stigma that society has attached to age over the last 30-40 years. “No, don’t call me Mister, because that means I’m OLD!” Well, what the hell is the matter with being old? Being older used to be a reason for respect. I have preferred to be called Mr. Gas by strangers since I was in my late 20’s. Especially someone who is supposed to be providing a service. I really hate when I pay for something with a credit card, and the salesperson looks at the card, sees my name for the first time, and says, “Thanks, Cooking!” I don’t like my doctor to call me by my first name. OTOH, I have never worked in an environment where people called each other Miss and Mr., like in a 1960’s situation comedy (“Take a letter, Mrs. McGillicutty”), and would not like that so much.
OMG, I think I’ve become a curmudgeon. :eek:
More direct to the OP, some slips in formal manners are just a cultural shift (e.g., hats in restaurants) but there does seem to be a general decline of common courtesy and altruism. Man, road rage. I saw an incident yesterday morning on the way to work that culminated in one guy making a U-turn to presumably go after someone who yelled at him out his car window. This prompted my 7-year-old son to ask me, “Daddy, what does ‘ran the fucking stop sign’ mean?”
[QUOTE=CookingWithGas]
“No, don’t call me Mister, because that means I’m OLD!” Well, what the hell is the matter with being old?
[/QUOTE]
But older people are supposed to know what they’re talking about, and have figured out what they want to do with their lives. Some of us haven’t yet, but we’d like to think that, someday, when we are old enough to be “Mr” or “Mrs”, we will.